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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Backstory: I have been with this person for over a year, and we were best friends for over a decade before we decided to give it a go. We have both lost friends due to the fact that we chose each other over them.

My other half has been going out with their ex, both of us were at one point friends with this person (who is addmittadely still in love with my other half), but they see it as a betrayal on my behalf that my other half has chosen me over themselves.

I have no issues with the two of them hanging out, they go to the bar have a few drinks play pool etc... for some reason it is always when I am unavailable but I have excepted that as a coincidence rather than a planned idea.

My real issue is that my other half or this "friend/ex" always ends up going back to my other halfs apartment after (we do not live together yet) no matter how long they have been out for or how drunk, it happens every time. When I try to ask about it I get scorned and accused of being jealous and controlling. My only issue is that I think it is inappropriate for my other half to be bringing this friend back to their apartment in the middle of the night alone. So basically, my question is this:

Am I controlling for having an issue with not wanting my other half to bring people we both know want to be with them, back to their place in the middle of the night (even though she swears they leave an hour later), or is it that, and this is my opinion on the matter, that in a healthy relationship they would not want to bring these people back in the middle of the night for fear of either them getting the wrong impression and/ or hurting me. Should I let my other half do as they please and just trust them 100% regardless of situation or am I correct for having an issue with my other half bringing them back after the bar? That isnt something someone who truly loved you would do right? (and just a reminder I have no issue with them going to the bar and hanging out, even if it is without me everytime, its the invite back that bothers me)

I tried to leave this gender neutral to avoid sexism

we have recently had a fight and i went overboard in it, not violent with then in any way, so they is saying that my other half should be able to do whatever they wants, having them even sleep over if need be, and i should just accept that
 

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Discussion Starter #4
looking out for number one has never worked, i have had dozens of disfunctional relationships, both due to myself and not of my fault. from what everyone says in anything, relationships are a compromise, trying to make the other person as happy as you can while still staying happy yourself. im just looking for outside views on this, maybe some advice. nothing to take literally
 

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Discussion Starter #5
its hard to take opinions of friends and family, because they will take your side pretty much no matter what, and im sure my other halves friends/family are doing the same

so i need outside perspective
 

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So she is bringing her ex boyfriend who is still in love with her to her apartment after drinking at the bar,and he also happens to sleep over there,which also happens to happen always when you are unavailable to be with them.
Id say every time he slept over there they had sex,and probably had sex high % of the time even when he didn't sleep over.

You should dump her,her behavior is disrespectful.
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
in truth it has only happened a handful of times and i doubt my other half has cheated or even that the ex has slept over, but everyone in my position i think would at least want their other half to avoid the situation. my other half is saying that they can do what they want when she wants and i have to be ok with it now implying that if they wanted to they could have whomever sleep over whenever.... though i do agree with you it seems disrespectful to me, but again i am making sure that at least im not being unreasonable by asking about it in detail until they answer my questions and not wanting the ex to come over after going out, for any reason

we were best friends with no interest in each other really what so ever for years, and in that time i dont know of an instance where they so much as kissed another person while with someone else, minus a few slip ups by the people who wanted my other half, and my other half swears to having stopped those almost immediately
 
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