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Hey everyone. My names Whittney. I have been married to my husband Cory for almost 4 years but we have been together about 6. We have two beautiful daughters, Kennadie who is 4 and Kadence who is 16 months. Briefly the reason i am here is because I have considered and actually put money down on a retainer for a lawyer to begin my divorce proceedings. My husband is very VERY verbally abusive, physically at times but more verbally. He has a VERY bad temper and anger issues and he takes it out on us. Its nothing for him to throw lamps, break glass items, curse me out (in front of the kids), kick doors in, punch doors etc..He has never hit our children. He *did* throw something at me one time and it hit our youngest and that's when i started the filing for divorce. Anyways this is my 2nd time filing. I filed the first time about 2 years ago and he promised he would change. we actually went to a counselling session but he said he didn't want to continue going so we didn't anymore. I wanted to continue but he didn't. anyways, now that he knows i have put money down, he has QUIT his job and took his self to the doctor and was seen for his bipolar and is also going to counselling. but i just don't think he is sincere. he is very sneaky and vindictive, and plus i have heard this sob story WAY to many times to count on both hands and feet BUT i'm confused bc in all reality i DO NOT want my family broke up and my children spending Christmas with a split family but is it better for us to be split or for us to together. He is asking me to please hold off on the divorce proceedings because he says its way to much money (its $4000 on my end for a retainer) but like i said hes sneaky, hes vindictive. Hes already tried to cut off my debit card and took my cell phone so its kind of hard to think hes being honest. And also he'll go one day and not talk at all and the next he wont leave me alone. Also, he took me off the bank act. Im just so confused as to what to do. its hard to believe someone who has told you they would change since the day they met you and its been 6 years and 2 children later and hes still an a**hole. Should i pursue the divorce or hold off :(
 

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I suspect you already know the answer.

Food for thought: Do you want the kids to grow up thinking this is what marriage is all about?
 

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No i dont and thats the thing. I beat myself up about it bc i always told myself the first time Cory ever treated my kids the way he does id leave but now i havent and i feel awful! :(
 

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I know, it is tough. You just have to go with your gut sometimes. People on here are full of advice, but the bottom line is, you have to take care of yourself. You won't be any good for the kids if you aren't secure in yourself first.
 

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He is asking me to please hold off on the divorce proceedings because he says its way to much money (its $4000 on my end for a retainer)
Is because is way too much and not because he loves you ?

And you gave him a chance already ?

BIG no no for me, move on and divorce his a$$ !
 

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Is because is way too much and not because he loves you ?

And you gave him a chance already ?

BIG no no for me, move on and divorce his a$$ !
:iagree:
 

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He yells at you, he throws things and he's manipulative. He's hurt one of the children during one of his tirades.

He was given a second chance and did not change.

He took your cell phone and debit card to control you, very bad sign.

Actions mean everything, words are not worth a thing.

He's had two years to change.

You have no choice here, you have to protect the children from this dysfunctional situation. Being a good mother means getting them out of the chaos, not keeping them in it.

He can be part of their lives, if he behaves like an adult. But no, you should not be living like this, and those kids deserve much better.
 

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Draw up and get him to sign a legal separation agreement as an alternative to immediately getting a divorce. He's sneaky, so he'll sign this piece of paper (granting you custody, house, financial support, etc) because he'll believe he's slick enough to use the separation time to talk you out of a divorce. After it's signed and filed all legal, get an order of protection getting him out of the home. In the unlikely event that he's serious, he will use the separation time to get his head screwed on straight, get counseling, and generally make serious changes in his life. The more likely scenario is that he'll continue being an idiot. In that case, you're in the driver's seat, legally. Narcissists are the easiest folks in the world to manipulate.
 

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You shouldn't have to go through that... I know its hard but you have to do what's best for you and your kids. If you don't you'll end up going through this cycle again.

#Sorry you have to go through this.
 

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I'm not saying to stay. But what I am saying, is sometimes people can change. However, I didn't ever hit my wife. I have punched walls etc. I've never hit my child, nor thrown anything and hit her.

And this isn't an everyday thing. Although it does bother the family. My daughter pointed to a hole in the wall one day and said "daddy did it" My wife pointed this out to me and ever since I've been calming myself down.

My wife has served me with papers before, years ago, and I can't even remember what that was for. Neither can she really, but I wasn't always the best of husbands. We're now separated, and she'd paid the lawyer back on Halloween, ironically the day we celebrate our anniversary.

I am now on the path to being a much better man. I've completely cut out my road rage. I've not hit anything in forever. I've gotten a counselor that'ts been helping (actually 2nd one now) and I truly see how I should've been treating my wife all these years. I've been loving, sure, but I let the fire die, I got selfish, in all areas. Wanting this or that, like cars or toys... not getting her flowers anymore. Etc. I've also gotten selfish in the bedroom. NOW? I am seeing everything I've needed to see. yes, it may be too late... but I'm saying that some people can change if they want to! I want to change, I want to be a better father and husband.

The thing is, you just have to find out if they WANT to change, and if they see how serious it is, sometimes it'll happen.

*PS, I may not be grasping the whole concept here. I was seeing a bit of myself and wanted to share how I am changing. However, if he's repeatedly HIT YOU... yeah. get out. please. There's no call for that. I've never been able to hit my wife and I believe if you truly loved someone, if it happened once, there wouldn't be a second time.
 
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