[Dad&Hubby]

So a story of a situation that got me thinking.

So I get an email from my wife asking if she can go to a musical "Spank! A 50 shades of Grey Parody" for a GNO. There's a group of women at her work who all read 50 Shades and one of her friends bought 10 (Yes ten, my wife and I were like WTF?!?! but whatever) tickets and invited my wife. The musical is being advertised as the perfect Girls Night Out with a special ****tail being served before the show and then "Get your picture taken with the Dark Prince himself after the show". It struck me odd because, as much as 50 Shades had a MUCH larger female following, this musical strikes me as something both men and women would enjoy equally. My wife asked me how I (in her words) "HONESTLY felt" about her going, and I said "I honestly wished I could go with you, bring our radio controlled vibrating egg, and turn it into an AWESOME night." She confessed she hadn't even considered asking me because of how it was advertised. She said, you'd be only one of a handful of guys there, yeah but I'd be there with my wife in a funny sexually charged atmosphere turning this into an AMAZING experience for us :smthumbup:. She felt really bad for not even thinking of that. But I can see why she didn't because of how the whole show was brought to her attention. Her friend asking for a GNO, the description of the show that the friend sent etc.

My question is two fold. It got me thinking, is our society becoming more sexually directed toward women while also promoting the sexuality being separated from husband and wife? Or am I being more sensitive to it (which I'll explain below)? From Sex in the City to the L-Word, Magic Mike, the entire 50 Shades Movement, It strikes me that women are being promoted to explore their sexuality (which is an AWESOME thing that can make everyone's life more fulfilling) but also promoted to explore in a way that separates her from her husband/SO etc. which, in my opinion, isn't conducive to the idea of marriage.

Now here's why I'm wondering if I'm just being sensitive to the issue. My wife and I had a small issue earlier this year brought on by a bout of insecurity on my part when she went to Magic Mike. The issue was totally MY issue, she didn't do ANYTHING wrong, but I have this part of my personality where, I'm a total perfectionist about myself because I never felt good enough, so I strive to be the perfect husband/partner/lover because I'm always worried that I won't be good enough. It also happened during a more stressful period where we weren't as connected as usual so it was like a perfect storm for insecurities to flare up. I went to IC and we both went to MC just to make sure we were on the right path from there and within a few sessions were "straightened out" (PS I'm a big fan of MC in small doses more for marriage maintenance) Now to my wife's credit, she asked for permission to go to this musical (even though we don't usually have that type of dynamic normally) because in her words "I want to be married to you forever, and our relationship has been great and I don't want to do anything that is going to cause any stress between us." I loved that my wife had put some self imposed boundaries in place even when not needed. I told her that this doesn't fall into the same category as Magic Mike, I see it 180 degrees opposite. It's something that a Husband and Wife could REALLY enjoy together and utilize shall we say and that I'd actually REALLY like to go see the 50 Shade Parody. It sounds like a show full of sexually charged humor...Definitely my kind of thing. She actually feels a little guilty because she didn't think of me first.

So sorry for the really long paragraphs, just wanted to share my story that brought this thought out. Is there some kind of "movement" going on that is promoting and focused on female sexuality, but also one that is also promoting that sexuality being removed from the husband?

 

[underwater2010]

Is there some kind of "movement" going on that is promoting and focused on female sexuality, but also one that is also promoting that sexuality being removed from the husband?

There is a more public "movement" going on now, you can thank sex in the city and 50 shades. But you must realize that this has been going on behind the scenes also. Just a generation ago, sex was taught to be something that women do but a proper woman does not enjoy or even think about. Just think, any woman that has multiple sex partners is a **** or ***** by society. A woman that is a virgin is worth more than a non-virgin at marriage. Slowly we are coming away from these standards.

As far as the sexuality being removed for the husband. It depends on the woman. I read fantasy erotic novels and while it turns me on, I direct that energy towards my husband. It is no different than a man viewing porn or going to a strip club. In fact some of my novels can out do Hustler.

I think the simple fact is that it was planned as a girls night out. You have told her you would like to be there, but most likely it would make the other girls uncomfortable. She will be thinking of you while there and just think of the fireworks when she gets home. Have a tie and blindfold ready, then give he a few wacks.

 

[CandieGirl]

50 shades BOWEL movement, more like...snicker!

To answer your question. GNO. I don't participate in the wild, party-party-dance-dance GNOs that many women do. But then, I never have...I've always been a pub/brasserie type gal. When I go out with my girlfriends, it's usually dinner and talking. Lots of talking. Nothing at all sexualized about it. Sometimes, one of us gets hit on; it's usually met with an eyeroll, and we move right along with whatever we were talking about...we're all attached/married.

 

[Dad&Hubby]

Thanks for the reply underwater. This is by no means something towards my wife. I couldn't have asked for a better response from her. I totally agree with you that women's sexuality definitely needs to be promoted more so. When a man and a woman have a healthy and secure sense of their own sexuality, that's when GREAT sex really happens. I hate how our society tends to label "active" women "slvts" but active men "players". It's ridiculous.

You also have to understand for me, I've enjoyed porn in my life alone, only when I didn't have anyone to direct my energy towards. My wife and I can enjoy porn together, but I have no desire to watch it "alone" now that I'm with her. I also have never been to a strip club in my life and don't plan on going. Find them more dirty than sexy. There's really nothing that is appealing to me about them.

I'm looking at this musical and was just surprised by their advertising campaign. They could've easily gone the route of "Bring YOUR Prince of Darkness and stoke the fire of imagination" etc. etc. I'm not worried 1 bit about my wife. She's like you, I definitely get her energies when it comes to this kind of thing. This isn't an issue of me worrying about my wife specifically, more the generally societal approach to it.

 

[southern wife]

50 shades BOWEL movement, more like...snicker!

To answer your question. GNO. I don't participate in the wild, party-party-dance-dance GNOs that many women do. But then, I never have...I've always been a pub/brasserie type gal. When I go out with my girlfriends, it's usually dinner and talking. Lots of talking. Nothing at all sexualized about it. Sometimes, one of us gets hit on; it's usually met with an eyeroll, and we move right along with whatever we were talking about...we're all attached/married.

^^^ This is me as well. Just met up with my oldest sister and some other girls last night for drinks and appetizers. No one got hit on, no men approached us......other than our waiter....and we had a great time. Hubs was "waiting for me" when I got home. :smthumbup:

 

[*LittleDeer*]

Yes it's to placate women and often stems from women feeling the need to compete with porn aimed at men and now both sexes are encouraged to have their sexuality separate from one another.

Crazy if you ask me...However what's good for the goose. Problem is its not good for anyone. It might make men and women horny, but not for each other nor their SO, and does not bring them closer. It just masks or causes problems IMO.
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[Dad&Hubby]

Yes it's to placate women and often stems from women feeling the need to compete with porn aimed at men and now both sexes are encouraged to have their sexuality separate from one another.

Crazy if you ask me...However what's good for the goose. Problem is its not good for anyone. It might make men and women horny, but not for each their SO nor closer. It just masks or causes problems IMO.
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Wow some great responses. I really think there's a movement in the marketing/advertising side of things that is appealing to the "dissatisfied" women and not the happy content women. Which is a real shame.

I totally agree Little Deer. I think the idea of porn and strip clubs etc. for men is sometimes too generalized though. I've watched a LOT of porn in my life, it's always been a substitute when I wasn't "gettin any". My first wife completely rejected me and we didn't have sex for the last year and a half of our marriage. Needless to say I turned to porn as an outlet. I watched plenty while I was single. I've watched a tiny bit WITH my wife now, but I only watch it with her. I've also never been to a strip club in my life. No desire for it. When women say "Oh men are this, and they do that". It is a little frustrating to me because I know for a fact, not all men are this or that because I'm not. (and I'm no metrosexual/effeminate man) LOL. I just grew up really holding my sexuality to a premium and see it as the ultimate form of love and affection, so the idea of a strip club...just doesn't fit with me.

Oh PS: I'd NEVER ask my wife if I could come along. She wouldn't have an issue with it at all but I know the other women would find it odd and "uncomfortable". I wouldn't put my wife in the position of being 'THAT' girl LOL.

 

[Carisma]

I think it depends on a woman's friends! My friends and I go out to talk about kids, maybe see a girly movie, eat a salad place that our hubs don't get full at and then we go home to kids and hubbies. I wouldn't want my husband hanging out with guys that wanted him to go to strip shows so I don't think that it would be out of line for him to not want me hanging out with women who wanted to go see 50 shades. (By the way, the first chapter of the first book was so banal and gag inducing I never even read that drival)

 

[A Bit Much]

Is there some kind of "movement" going on that is promoting and focused on female sexuality, but also one that is also promoting that sexuality being removed from the husband?

I'd say no... not a movement. It's a trend IMO. Something happening now and will be defunct in a year or two, like shoulder pads.

I didn't get on the 50 shades bandwagon. I just wasn't interested... if I'm going to read erotica I prefer harder stuff than that. Think penthouse forum type stuff. I saw Magic Mike, and liked it, but it did bother me that a guy was there with his girl. I simply thought it was a 'chick' thing so what in the world was he doing there? What guy wants to see male strippers? My first thought was he's needy. Why? He couldn't let his girl go to a movie about strippers without a) being insecure about it or b) he's a 5 stage clinger. Neither traits I find attractive. Who knows the real reason he was there, but it's always been my thought that women in general are more private about their sexuality and preferences and feel safer expressing them with other women.

I take these types of things and turn that energy toward my husband. He wouldn't want to go to a 50 shades anything with me, he didn't want to see Magic Mike, and didn't have a problem with me seeing it at all. IDK, it just seems like girly girl fun to me.

 

[Dad&Hubby]

I think it depends on a woman's friends! My friends and I go out to talk about kids, maybe see a girly movie, eat a salad place that our hubs don't get full at and then we go home to kids and hubbies. I wouldn't want my husband hanging out with guys that wanted him to go to strip shows so I don't think that it would be out of line for him to not want me hanging out with women who wanted to go see 50 shades. (By the way, the first chapter of the first book was so banal and gag inducing I never even read that drival)

Dont get the wrong idea about my wife. 99% of the time what you describe here is her. One friend seems to push the sexuality thing but it doesn't bother me (aside from that one time but that had more to do with what had been happening between us for over a year than the actual issue of her seeing a stripper movie LOL).

My wife read the books but was very...ehh about em. With what we've done between ourselves, there wasn't a lot of "eye opening" for her LOL. It was more like reading light humor than erotica for her. And she didn't like Magic Mike much. She's not an ogler, she does find other guys attractive, but she's not a gawker type so the guys in it were appealing, she LOVED the music and the dancing but hated the story and the drug use aspect so overall she didn't really enjoy it and has no desire to see it again.

I'm VERY blessed with the wife I have. It was the situation that got my attention. It was her not thinking of me, not because of some "secret desire" to exclude me but the environment didn't portray that as an "option". Similar to when we played the honeymoon game and one question was "which of your wife's friend does your husband find most attractive". My REAL answer is none because I don't allow myself to think that way, but didn't think "none" was allowed because of the phrasing of the question, so I picked the friend that I admired her relationship with her husband. We flip cards and my wife...knowing me...writes down none LOL. Needless to say I was not happy. Instantly I'm like, I didn't even think that was an option.

 

[Dad&Hubby]

First part:Sex-positive feminism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Second part (from the same link):




I think there has definitely been a realization that sex sells, and not just to men. I too think it's pretty awesome that in a way women are being more encouraged to explore their sexuality.

What has happened in a way though is that "exploring your sexuality" has been commodified and warped into "explore your sexuality so you can be even hotter for men," instead of women exploring their sexuality on their own, and for their own good. Which, I think you are right, is not really conducive to marriage-minded people because turning yourself into a commodity doesn't really lend itself well to being in a monogamous relationship.

Sex in the City had both sides. Samantha (in the beginning) wanted sex just because she wanted sex. Not to land a man, not to be hot but because she just really enjoyed sex. Charlotte had sex to land a man (and by every single dude I've ever talked to ever YMMV heh) was definitely the hotter one, the one they'd want to be with yadda yadda.

The L-Word (which I love) wasn't all about women exploring their sexuality, even though that was a major theme. The biggest take-aways from the L-word was that: a) Lesbians are "normal" (tv) people with drama and relationships just like the rest of us. b)Like in heterosexual society, there are heirarchies and subdivisions and cliques that intermingle in all kinds of ways; like there are lesbian PUAs, lesbians that just want to be married, cheating lesbians etc and c) like everyone keeps saying "sexuality is fluid" and it showed a wide range of women's sexual options including transgenderism, bisexuality and heteronormativity which hadn't really been explored on TV before.

50 Shades of gray is another good mix of "women exploring" and "women exploring and men ultimately benefitting." On TAM alone there have been many posts about that book turning around a lackluster sex life. The book itself doesn't encourage women to explore their sexuality by any means and in fact promotes a lot of sexist tropes: the VIRGIN who became a W*ORE for one dude is still the BEST PRIZE, Vaginal Intercourse is THE BEST ORGASM EVER (and easy to do on the first time) Women LOVE money and will put up with a lot of BS if you have it and more banal stuff but I think part of the reaction in renewing sex lives isn't that the book is great or super hot, it's that a facet of a lot of women's sexuality (BDSM) is mainstream and okay to express without looking like a weirdo. Which is nice and is one part that may actually be strengthening relationships.

Magic Mike...well I saw more boobs than penis in the movie. That's all I have to say about that.

Love your post. I totally agree. Me mentioning the L word was more bringing up a show directed towards the topic being female sexuality. I've never heard of a "GNO" being dedicated to it so pardon that reference.

I love that female sexuality is being allowed "out in the open" now. I have a daughter and I'd hate for her to grow up having to repress who she is as an individual in an unhealthy way.

Also I love your knock on 50 Shades. My wife sat there laughing her butt off saying "Yeah, all (whatever the guys name was) had to do was look at her and Breath and she'd O. SO NOT REALITY, this book is a comedy in that regard" You have to understand, my wife had never been able to have a O from someone who wasn't HER until she met me. She's always loved sex and she's VERY sexually aware of herself and I LOVE that about her, but me being the only man to ever bring her to O is a huge bonus too. I can make her O every time, but it's definitely NOT like 50 shades LOL. And she's never had a vag O before and we both pretty much agree, FOR HER, it's not physologically possible.

 

[Lyris]

I would say that men have always been encouraged to explore their sexuality outside of marriage, or a primary relationship. Maybe women are now exploring in the same way, or at least, some providers have worked out they can sell stuff by jumping on that particular bandwagon.

Actually, 'encouraged' is the wrong word. It's just accepted that men will be sexual outside of marriage. OP, you mentioned a handful of shows/books that target women in this way, I could list hundreds that revolve around men, if I could be bothered. The Sopranos, Sons of Anarchy, Les Miserables, The Shield...basically almost any show where the main characters are male, there will be plenty of cheating, sleeping around, strip clubs, institutionalized misogyny and so on. But it's never the focus of the show, it's just there, in the background and accepted.

Basically, your whole OP was an example of what has always been accepted for men being suddenly destabilizing and a problem when it is turned around.

FTR I didn't read 50 shades, because I thought it sounded like wish-fulfillment, male-dominated nonsense. I don't go to GNO, I didn't see Magic Mike, because I have no interest. My own sexuality is far more complex than I have ever seen depicted in any of those types of things.

 

[CandieGirl]

The guy was probably at Magic Mike because his woman dragged him there. I'm sure he'd have rather been sticking pins in his eyes than see that movie!

 

[A Bit Much]

The guy was probably at Magic Mike because his woman dragged him there. I'm sure he'd have rather been sticking pins in his eyes than see that movie!

Na, I thought that at first. But after glancing over to them a couple times (they sat like 3 seats away and this was a dinner/drink and a movie type theatre) I would say he really wanted to go with her by how he was generally behaving. Kinda like those guys that go with their GF or wife to the salons (nails or hair, I've seen both). That always made me do a double take too.

 

[CandieGirl]

Oh, Christ. I had one of those for about 10 minutes...flushed him real fast! He started showing up randomly where I worked. Couldn't get enough of me, apparently. Yuck.

 

[COGypsy]

I'm not sure I would put a PARODY of 50 Shades on the same level as Magic Mike, or the actual books. That sounds more like a melodrama than an erotic thriller. I picture it as batting eyelashes and hysterical orgasms from separate rooms. Adult content? Absolutely. Sex-fest? I'm thinking not so much. I bet they play more to the fact that most people who've read the books realize how unrealistic and badly written they are. I'm guessing some of your wife's coworkers are going to leave a bit umm...let down

The night that you're describing actually reminds me of a similar deal I went to a few years ago. It was at a smallish local venue, they had a signature drink and the performance and maybe something else afterward. What was the show, you ask? "Menopause: The Musical". I can't even count how many GNOs were probably going on in that theater, lol.

 

[A Bit Much]

Oh, Christ. I had one of those for about 10 minutes...flushed him real fast! He started showing up randomly where I worked. Couldn't get enough of me, apparently. Yuck.

I hear you.

This guy was the only guy in the theatre. And I went actually way after the movie had been out... like several weeks, so it wasn't crowded at all. He stuck out like a sore thumb with the GNO's that were there already, and me who went by myself. I think everyone took a glance at him and thought... HMMMM.

I just wanted to see Channing half nekkid and enjoy a couple glasses of wine and a rich chocolate dessert. I did, but yeah, sitting 3 seats down from this couple with all that going on on screen was a bit much.

 

[SimplyAmorous]

I saw Magic Mike, and liked it, but it did bother me that a guy was there with his girl. I simply thought it was a 'chick' thing so what in the world was he doing there? What guy wants to see male strippers? My first thought was he's needy. Why? He couldn't let his girl go to a movie about strippers without a) being insecure about it or b) he's a 5 stage clinger. Neither traits I find attractive. Who knows the real reason he was there, but it's always been my thought that women in general are more private about their sexuality and preferences and feel safer expressing them with other women.

I don't understand why this would bother someone else - like at all .....

I took my husband cause it was his day off, my GF's were all working, it was playing at the $1 theater, and well....why would I want to sit there alone.... we do everything together anyway.... and went out to eat afterwards at the Olive Garden, it was an enjoyable day -while the kids were in school.

My husband is likely one of the most secure men I've ever come across -when I compare the stuff I read on this forum.... zero insecurties with me....

The 5 stage clinger..... can't agree with that so much either... we just genuinely enjoy each other's company - I've never looked upon him as clingy or needy...not for a day... and neither has he seen me this way. Now if we were married to another... I suppose that may be possible -this just makes us a good match.

I am not more comfortable talking to my GF's about sex, my sexuality - over him either....he is my husband, we share it ALL....I should add...."finally"....

One of the biggest blunders in our marriage was not being open enough about our desires , masterbation, what we wanted, etc....& we missed each other badly......now we are full throttle in these things....and it's been a huge huge blessing to our marriage. It's sparked it, lit it on fire even.

It wasn't exactly his cup of tea- seeing Mike Dance.... But I kept him entertained sitting snuggled up....but the plot wasn't that bad.. so he said.

 

[Caribbean Man]

My question is two fold. It got me thinking, is our society becoming more sexually directed toward women while also promoting the sexuality being separated from husband and wife?

".."Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."

Oscar Wilde.
The Decay Of Lying.

 

[sandc]

I saw Magic Mike with my wife.



Not that there's anything wrong with that.