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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, I am new to the boards. I have been married to my wife for almost 3 years now and we have been together for 6. Before we married she cheated on me with 2 different men. I wasn't having sex with her a lot and she felt I didn't want her so she cheated. I forgave her and we got married. I couldn't let the past go and so I would bring it up and argue and say hurtful things. Finally I quit and things where okay, but then this other guy came into the picture that she was friends with from work. Well they talked all the time, then last year she admitted to me that she loved him but then turned around and said she wanted to work things out with me and things where going good. But this whole time she would lie to me constantly and I knew she was lying and she would get mad if you called her out on it. Well I always did everything for her, I took care of her when she was sick, I always carried her to the bathroom at night and things like that. We have a lot in common. Well she packed up and moved all of her things out in late November while I was at school. I came home and half of her stuff was gone and she had moved to her moms. She called and said if I changed certain things about me she would come back. Well she ended up coming back the next week and we talked and things was going good and she stayed for my birthday but she got sick and I nursed her all day and night. That Monday morning I woke up and she was gone again but with everything else. She was on her way to the city which is about 2 hours from our house. She said she was living in an apartment with 2 girls and going to the school down there but swore she still loved me and wanted to work things out and she would be back. Well it turns out the 2 girls was really this guy she was talking to and his ex wife. He can't afford to live alone and he cant drive so he has to live with his ex. So now shes living in the ghetto with them going to school and the other day she called and said that she might be packing up to come back then the next day she said she changed bank accounts and was starting school and that she didnt know if shes coming back still. So I sent her a text that said that I didn't want her back till I was the obvious choice and I cut her off. The next morning I got a text from her asking if I knew a friends dad had died (which she knew I did) and I ignored it and I have been ignoring her for going on 3 days now. This is the longest we have ever went without any contact. I am fasting today and praying like crazy to have things worked out and her come back. My family keeps saying shes going to run out of money and come crawling back. I don't know what to do.
 

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You need to file for divorce. She is an unabashed cheater and keeps lying, string you along, using you etc.

Any debts sheruns up right now are 50% yours to pay. File immediately.
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Before we married she cheated on me with 2 different men.
And you married her anyway, hoping that she would change.

Chalk it up to experience, Bub and move on.
 

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Wow you're a real glutton for punishment. You are praying and fasting she comes back to you? You should be praying and fasting you have the strength to stay away.

How many more times do you want her to cheat on you before you end it? You should listen to yourself, you sound pathetic.

Listen to me tell a story about a man and you tell me what you think.

"Guy gets engaged, his fiancee cheats on him twice. He forgives her and they get married. She cheats again a few years later, he forgives her. She lies about it some more and runs off with other man, lying about it. He prays that she'll come to her senses and come back to the marriage."

What do you think of that guy?
 

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Maybe you've heard the phrase: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

She's played you over and over again. She has demonstrated that she is a woman who has no moral character whatsoever.

Look at it like a formula: Marriage is based on fidelity. Fidelity requires strength of character. Your wife has shown she has no character. Therefore, there is no foundation on which to build this relationship.

It would be different if her cheating were a one-time event that was a stupid mistake but did not otherwise represent a pattern. That would be bad, but recoverable. But your wife has shown a very distinct pattern of cheating on you every chance she gets.

And what's with the idea that she'll come back if you change? That's not part of the marriage contract. It's as if she's claiming the right to cheat until you change yourself into someone else. Sorry, but marriage involves "forsaking all others." There's no footnote at the bottom that says, "Unless my spouse does things I don't like."

She is a real loser. You have more than enough Biblical grounds for divorce. You need to cut her lose, mourn your losses, and then move on. God's got something much better planned for you, but you have to disconnect from the corpse of your dead marriage first.
 

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Sound like a devil to me, wise up bro. If you dont she'll never stop trying to use you. Someone that truly loves you would never do what she is doing. If you stop all contact with her, I guarrantee you will be much much happier. Really, how can you be happy putting up with all she is making you go thru? That aint happiness, Good luck to 2, God Bless.
 

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They say trust in God - maybe that's what you should do?

I'd say your better off without her. In fact, I'd be packing up her stuff and waving her off. But you've invested some years of your life with this woman, physically and emotionally - part of you still wants to hold on.

Don't pray for her to return to you. Pray for what is good for you - which might end up being you having to endure a little short term pain of loss, but the chance at a better marriage with a better woman who will love and cherish you as much as you will her.

So, as hard as it is (and I know none of us could feel what exactly you feel now without your particular experience) ... stop chasing this woman. Focus on bettering YOU. Do things that make you feel and become better, whether its working extra hard at your studies, or maybe getting physically fit (exercise can be great for clearing your mind).
 

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As others have said, your wife is a serial cheater and does not want to be with you. I think you should man up and file for divorce. I am sorry for your pain.
 

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why don't you contact someone that helped me put my relationship into order since he helped my husband has been the best husband you will want to have. if you need to contact the person that helped me,his email address is therealspellcaster at yahoo dot com....there are situations when we do this we have to do to keep our family together as one :iagree:
 

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And you married her anyway, hoping that she would change.

Chalk it up to experience, Bub and move on.
yea, i realllllly don't understand these people who get cheated on before marriage and still think it's a good idea to marry the person.

She's a cheater. She's always been a cheater.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thank you all for your replies. I guess I have been very foolish to keep my trust in her and to chase her. I just loved her so much and we had so much in common that I have trouble letting go. But like one poster above said I need to take that energy and focus it on bettering myself. She obviously does not care for me or she would not be in this relationship. Her mom cut her phone off about 2 weeks ago and now her only means of communication is Facebook. She barely gets on and when shes does its to answer a message I've left but when I cut her off or something she stalks me on Facebook and has even admitted to doing so. She does not want to fully let go of me because I am her security and right now she is treating me as a fall back plan.
 

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You should have someone take the "Kick Me" sign off your back. And not let her back into your life.

She's shown you repeatedly what kind of person she is. Are you in love with that person? I highly doubt it. You're in love with your idealization of her.

C
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Update: So now its been almost a year since she left. She told me that she made all those promises and stuff to me to keep my friendship because she did not want to lose that and that she wants to be friends. She still lives with this other man and she has blocked me and my mom from FB. I talk to her some via email. She sent me divorce papers last week but they are a joke. They are hand typed, bad grammar, misspellings, wrong dates and locations and everything. She wants me to get it notarized and sign it and send it back to her. I'm not going to sign it though because this thing can't be legal! It doesn't even have a case number or anything on it. I still want her back and I still love her but I just dont know what to do. She sent me an email asking me if I was going to stop being childish and blaming her for everything and then she replies back and apologizes for being the one that caused everything.
 

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Have you considered IC to help you get over her? I may be wrong, but it seems you have some low self esteem issues to work on. No one deserves to be treated like she's treating you.

The only thing you should do with those divorce papers is to take them to a lawyer and file proper divorce papers yourself. Do you what you need to do to protect yourself from further abuse from this woman.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I'm weird I guess, I have this belief that even though she has treated me horribly, that as long as we are still married that I should try everything that I can. I really don't want to go the divorce route. And yes I do have low self esteem. Today a friend of hers that also talks to me acted like she didn't know anything and asked my wife about things. She said that "we broke up because he wouldn't work and was abusive". That broke my heart because I hate abusive people and I was out of a job for a little while but I got a job opportunity to work with her at the place she was working at. She talked me into not taking it because she didn't want me to know what all she was doing. So she acts like its my fault. I just feel like I'm missing something.



Have you considered IC to help you get over her? I may be wrong, but it seems you have some low self esteem issues to work on. No one deserves to be treated like she's treating you.

The only thing you should do with those divorce papers is to take them to a lawyer and file proper divorce papers yourself. Do you what you need to do to protect yourself from further abuse from this woman.
 

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Well dude you've got issues (don't worry you're in good company). You can either confront them head on and get your life on track, or keep on doing what you're doing and expect more of the same.

I don't like to use this phrase often but you need to man up buddy. Hit the gym, get your crap together, don't let a woman be your confidence. Use this time in your life to figure out what kind of man you want to be and start the journey.

If you accept the challenge, you'll come back here a few years from now and wonder what the hell you were smoking when you read your posts.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Thanks for that! I actually am a body builder and it helps to take out the aggression. I'm just a sensitive, emotional guy I guess. All the other girls don't interest me because their not into the things me and her were. But your right I gotta pull myself out of this and straighten my life out and see that there is other girls out there. It always takes me a long time to get over something and I always torture myself with it until I'm numb to it.




Well dude you've got issues (don't worry you're in good company). You can either confront them head on and get your life on track, or keep on doing what you're doing and expect more of the same.

I don't like to use this phrase often but you need to man up buddy. Hit the gym, get your crap together, don't let a woman be your confidence. Use this time in your life to figure out what kind of man you want to be and start the journey.

If you accept the challenge, you'll come back here a few years from now and wonder what the hell you were smoking when you read your posts.
 
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