I am posting this in its own thread here, because the other forum it was off topic and because, frankly, it's the single most frustrating thing I have had to deal with.
Originally Posted by Lyris
How does your wife want to control it, OldGeezer?
She wants me to ask her what to do and then do it, exclusive of my own opinions and anything else I read or find.
If I read stuff, she starts in on me "why did I bother to go to school, and spend all these years learning, if your'e just going to ignore me and ..blah blah blah"
And no matter what the topic or otherwise, this is how it goes. If she finds out about ANYTHING that's a problem or any issue, then she has to get her say, and if you don't follow her say, it's angry lashing out from her until you're so worn down you do it. And it's "you're not listening to me, you're shutting me out, nobody cares, I"m just a nobody, I"m stupid, why won't anyone listen, blah, blah blah" unless you follow her demands to the letter.
It's all emotional blackmail to get her way. On the other hand, she's so demanding that I act and do things all the time to validate her feelings and make HER happy. But insists that nothing she can do should ever make me feel compelled or controlled. And goes into angry defiance if there's even a suggestion anything she does might anger or frustrate someone. It's the "you must make me happy, how dare you suggest my behavior makes you unhappy" mode.
Another part of this, is that she reads into anything I say, don't say, do, or don't do, anything she wants, and it's ALWAYS negative. So, her computer suddenly starts crashing. If I try to find and fix the problem, I get lashed out at in anger "what, you think I'm stupid and can't do fix things myself"?
so, the next day when the same things happen, it's "You just sit there doing nothing, and I need to use this to get my stuff done, I'm so frustrated and YOU DON'T CARE." The "and YOU DON'T CARE!" gets thrown onto every complaint and frustration she has, no matter who or what, if anything, is the cause.
She constantly creates situations where, no matter my action (or lack thereof), I'm instantly rebuked with her interpretation of my motives, which are, of course, always very, very bad. I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't, and I'm damned because I didn't know what to do, and I didn't know what to do because "you don't care".
Originally Posted by Lyris
How does your wife want to control it, OldGeezer?
She wants me to ask her what to do and then do it, exclusive of my own opinions and anything else I read or find.
If I read stuff, she starts in on me "why did I bother to go to school, and spend all these years learning, if your'e just going to ignore me and ..blah blah blah"
And no matter what the topic or otherwise, this is how it goes. If she finds out about ANYTHING that's a problem or any issue, then she has to get her say, and if you don't follow her say, it's angry lashing out from her until you're so worn down you do it. And it's "you're not listening to me, you're shutting me out, nobody cares, I"m just a nobody, I"m stupid, why won't anyone listen, blah, blah blah" unless you follow her demands to the letter.
It's all emotional blackmail to get her way. On the other hand, she's so demanding that I act and do things all the time to validate her feelings and make HER happy. But insists that nothing she can do should ever make me feel compelled or controlled. And goes into angry defiance if there's even a suggestion anything she does might anger or frustrate someone. It's the "you must make me happy, how dare you suggest my behavior makes you unhappy" mode.
Another part of this, is that she reads into anything I say, don't say, do, or don't do, anything she wants, and it's ALWAYS negative. So, her computer suddenly starts crashing. If I try to find and fix the problem, I get lashed out at in anger "what, you think I'm stupid and can't do fix things myself"?
so, the next day when the same things happen, it's "You just sit there doing nothing, and I need to use this to get my stuff done, I'm so frustrated and YOU DON'T CARE." The "and YOU DON'T CARE!" gets thrown onto every complaint and frustration she has, no matter who or what, if anything, is the cause.
She constantly creates situations where, no matter my action (or lack thereof), I'm instantly rebuked with her interpretation of my motives, which are, of course, always very, very bad. I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't, and I'm damned because I didn't know what to do, and I didn't know what to do because "you don't care".