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Hi. I am a 30 yr. old man that is married to a very beautiful woman.We have been in a relationship for 12 yrs. and currently married for 10 yrs.We have 2 very handsome boys.**

Before we got together, my bestfriend was courting her and I had a girlfriend at the time. One night while they were talking on the phone my friend asked me to talk to her and help him build him up to her. Then unexpectedly he had to go away. So he did and left us talkng. Minutes became hours and we just hit it off. So I was building my friend up but then she told me that she wasnt into my friend*But was really into me instead. Then we ended up together that same night.I explained to my friend, he got mad, he forgave us but me and my bestbud were never the same after. Me and her talk for hours everynight. Always see each other every chance we get. We were very sweet and madly inlove to each other.

* 12 years later, things aren't as the same as before. *But I have grown to love her even more. She has become my life and my world. Her and my kids. We are less sweet and she was less affectionate than me. I'm a very jealous husband through out ourmarriage. And she is getting tired of it. One night she confronted me and accused me of cheating*during one of my visits at my hometown. We both grew up in the same town and have lots of common friends.**of course I didn't do it. *But she kept*digging and asking about it from our hometown friends.**

Things started to change even more. I noticed that she was staying up more late at night and only to wake up very early. She often locks her self in the bathroom for long periods of time. Now even if you were not a jealous husband like I am you would feel that something is definitely wrong with this picture. So one time I decided to catch her in the act. I followed her after she woke up one early morning and listened on the other side of locked bathroom door. She was definitely talking to somebody. So I went and get the key. As I put the key in I made noises. By the time I got inside she already had hid her phone. I asked her who was she talking to. She denied that she was on the phone. I told her I heard her. Then she said * it was her friend Peach who I also know. I didnt believe her and tried looking for her phone but didn't find it. *She got so mad and said I was so paranoid. *She didn't spoke to me for days after that.
** So I gave her the benefit of the doubt. *But her late nights, early morning locked bathroom door went on. She said she dont want me to hear her because I might find out who was spilling the beans about my affair. So I just let her because I had nothing to hide. Then one time while I was driving I playfully grabbed her second phone she uses for international texting. She really got mad and forcefully got the phone from me. *Then I did it again few weeks later and same results. *I confronted her about her over protectiveness on the phone. She replied she was just protecting her "SOURCE" for all my dirt. Again I just let it pass.*

Then we had another fight which lead to a week of total no conversation. Then I got home one night drunk and decided to walk behind the bathroom where I could see her. Soon as I saw her talking again, I decided that that was it. I went inside quietly and got the key ready and opened the bathroom door. Caught red handed. I forcefully took the phone but not without her yanking the baterry off. So I didn't give in this time unless she let me read all *the text messages. Then she gave up and admitted everything.**

She said it all really started trying to collect all the information about me from one of my close childhood friend there who i often hang with when im around there.Then she started opening up to him, sharing problems, how her day went, basically getting attached and connected. Then she started flirting with him. At the time he had a girlfriend. Then as their relationship deepen he decided that he love her and proved it to my wife by letting my wife listen to their actual break up. I did the same for her before. It progress to talks about how she planned on leaving me, what and how are they going to tell me about them.
** I was horrified. Shocked. Angered. And in too much agonizing pain while very numb at the same time. The Mayans predicted that "the end of the world" is going to happen exactly on 12/21/12. They were wrong. Because it happen on 12/15/12. For me at least. They were off by a few days. That sobered me up and it took me awhile to absorbed what I just heard.*

So I asked her if she still loves me. And she said yes. But at that point she loves him more than me. And that she was planning to go there in May to find out if what she is feeling is really true. I*didn't have to asked her if they ever got physical because my friend lives in our hometown *overseas. I had a very long thought of what I should do. *I decided to fight for her love! So right now he has the upperhand on my wife's heart. *But she said she still loves me. *That brought me hope. I requested to have two months with her without communication with him. *At first she was very reluctant to do it. *And boy, *did it hurt to see her cry for him like that. Well a lot of stuff i heard really hurts. Still. Now, I'm a guy who always hated woman who cheated on the movies I watched. I always tell myself , "if I were that guy I would've left that 81tch in a heart beat". *But I love her so much. Guess things really*are very different when this things happen to you in real life.I never thought of me begging for a second chance. But I did. And she agreed.*

The main point is I need help. *I need advise on how to do it. *What romantic things I could do to spark up our old flame brighter than what they have. Specially my budget is very limited by my average wage. *Also romantic places to do it here in the Los Angeles area. And i only have 2 months to do it. Thank you for taking the time to read my very long dilemma. *Anything would help
 

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I've always had a passion for mini golf.

As you walk around putting on the various holes you make chit chat and you can be affectionate, then break away and make your shot, it's playful and sort of low key.

In stark contrast to bursting into the bathroom and grabbing her phone, just to give an example.

Also mini golf is pretty cheap so it should be well within your budget.
 

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Did you have a discussion on what she felt was lacking in your relationship? That might be a good place to start on things to work on.

Also, if you are actually going to do the two month thing, she has to be completely open with you. Trust has obviously been a huge issue in your relationship and now she has violated your trust in the ultimate way. Things aren't going to work unless she can rebuild (or build) trust in her. I think it will be hard (if not impossible) for her to not communicate with this other guy.

BTW... Her accusing you of cheating when she is actually the one cheating is so classic.

Good luck and remember to take the high rode whenever you can, you will thank yourself later.
 

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You cannot nice her back, and you cannot let her continue communicating with this OM. If you let her hang on her relationship with you while test driving this OM you are going to lose. Period.

Sounds like a case for the 180 to me.
 

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east2west, thanx for the reply. sorry im new to this. not really sure what OM meant. im assuming other man? i know what u mean. i always thought id go 180 right off the bat if anything like this happens.
well, i was wrong. i would like to try to save it

and thanx tomato33333 i will definitely asked her what was lacking in the relationship. and i know it would be close to impossible for her not to communicate with him. but i think by at least limiting it kinda gives me a shot onto reminding her how good we were.

thanx for the tip on the miniature golf sharkey. i sure would put that on my MakeHerFallInLove list(cheesy)lol.
havent laughed for awhile.

well anymore romantic ideas guys n gals?
 

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I've said this before, but for a woman it is the small things that matter the most. Don't buy her flowers, pick some. Wrap your arms around her every chance you get. Leave silly messages all over the house you know she'll find that say I love you, or have a great day beautiful. Look her straight in the eyes every chance you get and tell her what she means to you.

Hope this helps.
 

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east2west, thanx for the reply. sorry im new to this. not really sure what OM meant. im assuming other man? i know what u mean. i always thought id go 180 right off the bat if anything like this happens.
well, i was wrong. i would like to try to save it

and thanx tomato33333 i will definitely asked her what was lacking in the relationship. and i know it would be close to impossible for her not to communicate with him. but i think by at least limiting it kinda gives me a shot onto reminding her how good we were.

thanx for the tip on the miniature golf sharkey. i sure would put that on my MakeHerFallInLove list(cheesy)lol.
havent laughed for awhile.

well anymore romantic ideas guys n gals?
Miniature golf? Flowers? Are you F-ing kidding me? This is horrible advice. If you keep letting her use you as plan B while she experiments with the OM your marriage is over. You should be kicking her sorry a$$ out of the house. You need to grow a spine to save your marriage. If you can't risk losing her then you will lose her.

The 180 method is to save the marriage, not to to tank it. Go over to the CWI section and start this there. You will get totally different advice.
 

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I've said this before, but for a woman it is the small things that matter the most. Don't buy her flowers, pick some. Wrap your arms around her every chance you get. Leave silly messages all over the house you know she'll find that say I love you, or have a great day beautiful. Look her straight in the eyes every chance you get and tell her what she means to you.

Hope this helps.
definitely gave me a great idea. thanks!
 

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Miniature golf? Flowers? Are you F-ing kidding me? This is horrible advice. If you keep letting her use you as plan B while she experiments with the OM your marriage is over. You should be kicking her sorry a$$ out of the house. You need to grow a spine to save your marriage. If you can't risk losing her then you will lose her.

The 180 method is to save the marriage, not to to tank it. Go over to the CWI section and start this there. You will get totally different advice.
well honestly half of me wants it to do it your method. but im thinking if i did that it would only give them more chance to grow even more. but it would make her realize how much i meant to her.
but like i said ill use this two months to make her see how much i love her and spark up her feelings towards me while limiting if not cutting their communication. now after the 2 months is up and she still feels for him more than i do, maybe then ill do the 180. at least i tried. im really torned. half of me want to do the 180 cause it makes sense, but half of me dont want to risk losing her without fighting for her. like i said before this happen, my mentality was like yours. but it really is different when its you that is in this situation. i really do appreciate the concern and im hoping im making the right decision. im not sure if its the right one, but it feels the right one to make for me.
 

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I decided to fight for her love! So right now he has the upperhand on my wife's heart. *But she said she still loves me. *That brought me hope. I requested to have two months with her without communication with him. *At first she was very reluctant to do it. *And boy, *did it hurt to see her cry for him like that. Well a lot of stuff i heard really hurts. Still. Now, I'm a guy who always hated woman who cheated on the movies I watched. I always tell myself , "if I were that guy I would've left that 81tch in a heart beat". *But I love her so much. Guess things really*are very different when this things happen to you in real life.I never thought of me begging for a second chance. But I did. And she agreed.*
tzokat,

Ask a moderator to move this the the "Coping with Infidelity" section. A lot of more experienced people can better help you there
 

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well honestly half of me wants it to do it your method. but im thinking if i did that it would only give them more chance to grow even more. but it would make her realize how much i meant to her.
but like i said ill use this two months to make her see how much i love her and spark up her feelings towards me while limiting if not cutting their communication. now after the 2 months is up and she still feels for him more than i do, maybe then ill do the 180. at least i tried. im really torned. half of me want to do the 180 cause it makes sense, but half of me dont want to risk losing her without fighting for her. like i said before this happen, my mentality was like yours. but it really is different when its you that is in this situation. i really do appreciate the concern and im hoping im making the right decision. im not sure if its the right one, but it feels the right one to make for me.
Dude, there is no course of action that has a lower chance of success than what you propose. Begging, groveling even while she keeps having an EA with the other guy. She even has a trip booked to go make it a PA. And she has agreed to let you keep groveling until that time. It's pathetic. There is no way she will want to f*ck you if you behave like this.
 
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