[vcy0812]

Hey all, I'm new to the board. I really would like some good advice. I am young, 22, and have been married almost 2 years, with my husband for over 4 years altogether. I don't have a lot of married friends that I can talk to so I am seeking help here. Basically what is going on is this:
Before my husband and I got married, we had spent a little over a month broken up. In that time, he became close friends with this girl and they even kissed. After they kissed she started dating someone else, but still talked to my husband all the time and stuff. Well, we got back together and then got married and when we got back together he really quit talking to her. After we got married I told her that she needed to respect my boundaries and realize that she was a problem because she kept trying to act all BFF with him. They have hardly talked over the past couple of years, just every once in a while to catch up. She asked if he was back in school, and when she had neck surgery she told him about it. She is in a relationship with someone now, has been for almost a year. Whenever they talk she also includes me and stuff. He never hides their conversations. Right now, my husband is in tech school for the Air Force and is about to graduate and we are going back home, and she has messaged him twice in the last couple of weeks about nothing of importance and asked how he was doing, but he didn't answer her. My friend says she thinks this girl likes him, but I don't know. I also don't know if I should tell him that their friendship bothers me or if I should let it go.

 

[countrybumpkin]

If the relationship bothers you, voice your opinion. Just tell him the truth. They had an intimate moment together, and now that you are married, it seems a bit inappropriate that they remain close friends.

It seems like your husband is doing the right thing in not responding to her all of the time. Let him know you appreciate that as well.

 

[vcy0812]

I thought it was inappropriate as well, but I have just put up with it and now it is bothering me. Like we all had lunch together and went to the hospital to see her after her surgery and it was awkward for me because she acts like she is close with me, when she really isn't and I just act nice back to avoid problems and to not be rude to his friend.

Thank you for responding.

 

[KathyBatesel]

I think you and your husband are handling things well. What matters is your relationship, and I'm not seeing where either of you is putting your own needs ahead of the relationship's well being. You aren't trying to control who he's friends with, and he in turn is being considerate. That's about the best anyone could ask for, in my opinion.

 

[tryingtobebetter]

I think this is likely to play out one of two ways. I cannot forecast which.

Either at some point she will make a play for your husband and you will need to be on guard lest this happen.

If not, she will (slowly?) lose interest and over time will drift away - especially if you let that happen.

 

[emilyabcd77]

I know what you mean.. my husbands ex used to call him all the time when we first got together. He always said they were just friends, but it really upset me. Finally he stopped talking to her, then she had signed his name to a vehicle she bought, stopped paying for it, and it got repoed. Long story short... the courts went after both of them, couldn't find her, found my husband, he want to court, said it wasn't his sign, etc. They finally found her, served her papers at work, and now she is calling again all the time. Finally he flat up told her "we're not together anymore, I don't care about your life.. stop calling me" And she did. I am so happy.. I hated that she was always calling.

 

[vcy0812]

I know that he would not do anything stupid, but their friendship just makes me uncomfortable. I am very old fashioned and feel like those types of relationships should not exist between members of the opposite sex when one of them is married. I have tolerated it for about 2 years and I am just getting to the point where I can't handle it. I have kept my mouth shut about it for a long time.

He comes home in a week and a half as long as all his stuff goes through as it is supposed to, so on the way home I will talk to him about it. I know I cannot control other people's actions, but he is too nice to be assertive with people and if something did arise where she did say something inappropriate then he would laugh it off or dismiss it rather than say hey back off, I am happily married. She knows we are happily married so I think that is why she doesn't intrude, but I am not a mind reader so I can't know that for sure.