Need advice

1211 Views 12 Replies 6 Participants Last post by turnera, Oct 13, 2012

mrs.coffee

Discussion Starter · Oct 12, 2012

Hi,

My husband has a dream to start a buisness,actually it is more of a reality at this point.I think his idea is great and he has all the buisness planning down and has done all his homework. He has the copyright to the name and has been to numerous financial planners and bankers.

My problem is how do I support this? I am beyond scared what this could do to us financially and to our marriage. He is aware of my concerns and continues to go forward with it. He is planning on quitting his job and taking the retirement money and using some of it as a down payment for the loan. He will lose his health insurance (he is diabetic) and have to pay a much higher rate for insurance.

We have been going to marriage counseling for about a month now for communication issues and I feel that it has helped but now in our sessions it has come to this buisness and things arent good. He wants me to be a part of the business and I dont want to. I feel that he should work on us before he ventures into something as big as this.

I refuse to sign the loan papers for one because if things are bad between us I am not taking that risk of being stuck with it if something happens with us. He doesnt need me for the loan but needs our income together.

I just dont know what else to do,its breaking us apart because I cant support this big decision, and he wont fix us first.

Any advice would be great

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Toffer

· #2 · Oct 12, 2012

Since you arean't comfortable backing him and he can't do this without you, be ready for your marriage to end sooner rather than later.

You'll be denying him his dream even if it isn't as well thought out as he thinks it is and this will have a huge impact on you two

If I were you, I'd start the process of seperating finances and assets now

Good luck. It sounds if if you'll need it

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turnera

· #3 · Oct 12, 2012

Sounds like a MLC.

Tell him you love him, but you have to protect the family financially. It's great that he's following his passion and you support him, but he'll have to do it while you separate the rest of the finances; give him his half of the retirement, and protect the rest.

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Soifon

· #4 · Oct 12, 2012

mrs.coffee said:
I refuse to sign the loan papers for one because if things are bad between us I am not taking that risk of being stuck with it if something happens with us. He doesnt need me for the loan but needs our income together.

I just dont know what else to do,its breaking us apart because I cant support this big decision, and he wont fix us first.

I can see why he would be upset. This way of thinking says to me that you don't really see a future with him and you are already planning on A.) your marriage failing and B.) his business failing.

I'm all for protecting yourself but the PP is right, without you supporting him fully on this it will speed up your relationship falling apart. This is just telling him that you don't have faith in him. For him to have come this far in the planning did you support this at any point or have you been against it from the beginning?

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CO_MOM

· #5 · Oct 12, 2012

Soifon said:
I can see why he would be upset. This way of thinking says to me that you don't really see a future with him and you are already planning on A.) your marriage failing and B.) his business failing.

I'm all for protecting yourself but the PP is right, without you supporting him fully on this it will speed up your relationship falling apart. This is just telling him that you don't have faith in him. For him to have come this far in the planning did you support this at any point or have you been against it from the beginning?

:iagree:
If my husband had a dream of starting his own business and we had the means to do it, then I would stand behind him 100%, but that is just me.
I think either way, one of you are going to feel resentment. If you go along with it, and it fails, then you will resent him for all that was lost. If you don't go along with it, and he doesn't go for it, he will resent you for not supporting him. That is a tough one, good luck to both of you.

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turnera

· #6 · Oct 12, 2012

Make sure he goes to the Pittsburgh Chamber of Commerce. They will be excellent resources for helping him grow his business.

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mrs.coffee

Discussion Starter · #7 · Oct 12, 2012

CO_MOM said:
:iagree:
If my husband had a dream of starting his own business and we had the means to do it, then I would stand behind him 100%, but that is just me.
I think either way, one of you are going to feel resentment. If you go along with it, and it fails, then you will resent him for all that was lost. If you don't go along with it, and he doesn't go for it, he will resent you for not supporting him. That is a tough one, good luck to both of you.

So here is the thing, we don't have the means to do it. Hence, his reason to take the retirement money and use that as his means to do it. I myself do not make enough money to pay ALL the household expenses. Recently, I had my car in the shop for about 1100.00 worth of work that we are still paying off.

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mrs.coffee

Discussion Starter · #8 · Oct 12, 2012

Soifon said:
I can see why he would be upset. This way of thinking says to me that you don't really see a future with him and you are already planning on A.) your marriage failing and B.) his business failing.

I'm all for protecting yourself but the PP is right, without you supporting him fully on this it will speed up your relationship falling apart. This is just telling him that you don't have faith in him. For him to have come this far in the planning did you support this at any point or have you been against it from the beginning?

This isn't something that he talked about at any point of our dating or engagement, or even our first year of marriage. I am not going to lie to him or myself and pretend that it's something I agree with.

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turnera

· #9 · Oct 12, 2012

How long have you been married?

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mrs.coffee

Discussion Starter · #10 · Oct 12, 2012

turnera said:
How long have you been married?

Almost 2 1/2 years..not long at all.

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fianceofangler

· #11 · Oct 12, 2012

women are natural social butterflies so we are best with customers I think personally. If you get into the deal, be like a hawk regarding your finances and do not get duped financially.

I have no true advice to give just an example of my life.
My mom and dad were proud owners of a business for years. She did most of the work and when I read about other businesses- the women do most of the work and bring in 70 percent of customers but do not get paid accordingly.
My mom was cheated out of money in married life and let it go for love thinking it was for the best. My dad was always a business man and successful but so focused to the point of sabotaging us.
We are all ok now but distant and she has learned a lot from that but still has the pride of saying that she was her own boss for 10 years solid (with compromises). She started other businesses after but they lasted shortly. I have seen her hopes high at the start -and then low at the end but sometimes she gets it right and sometimes she gets it wrong.
As her daughter I know there was no mom like her but every time I pass an "out of business" sign, my heartbreaks even now as an adult.
Life is about risks no matter what but when an ex-fiance offered to have me work at his business in the EU I immediately declined, I never thought twice.

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mrs.coffee

Discussion Starter · #12 · Oct 12, 2012

fianceofangler said:
women are natural social butterflies so we are best with customers I think personally. If you get into the deal, be like a hawk regarding your finances and do not get duped financially.

I have no true advice to give just an example of my life.
My mom and dad were proud owners of a business for years. She did most of the work and when I read about other businesses- the women do most of the work and bring in 70 percent of customers but do not get paid accordingly.
My mom was cheated out of money in married life and let it go for love thinking it was for the best. My dad was always a business man and successful but so focused to the point of sabotaging us.
We are all ok now but distant and she has learned a lot from that but still has the pride of saying that she was her own boss for 10 years solid (with compromises). She started other businesses after but they lasted shortly. I have seen her hopes high at the start -and then low at the end but sometimes she gets it right and sometimes she gets it wrong.
As her daughter I know there was no mom like her but every time I pass an "out of business" sign, my heartbreaks even now as an adult.
Life is about risks no matter what but when an ex-fiance offered to have me work at his business in the EU I immediately declined, I never thought twice.

I have been at my present employer for 10 years. I have decent health insurance, 4 weeks vacation, 8 sick days and 3 personal days every year. I have no plans to quit my job and work with my husband.

Its really my fear of the financial aspects of it, the what if's. Not his ability to run a buisness but the economy the way it is is what is making me not a fan. I know not a thing about business,but do know that sometimes it takes a while for a business to turn a profit. With that being said, we in a way become a one income family, which I said in an earlier post that I do not make enough to pay for all our household expense.

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turnera

· #13 · Oct 13, 2012

How do you guys have a retirement fund if you've only been married 2 years? I assume you combined each of your previous ones? Or is this your money?

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