Tell her you are taking her for a polygraph then see how she reacts.
You are correct I wouldn't believe anything she says either.

Put a voice activated recorder in her car.

 

Get a Poly. Then plan your next steps. Establish what she is saying now before you make future plans.

Get in touch with an attorney to see your options.

Tell her unless she is completely transparent with all things it is over with.

I would also read up on 180 and put it to use. Sounds like you are going to need it. If she really wants to be with you its her job to work for it now not yours.

Its your job now to protect you. Your wife at this point in time is no longer your friend.

I am really sorry you are having to go through this.


Clay

 

My wife-
But this is what I can't do. I can't be the after thought you have right before bed every night so I'm still hanging on tomorrow. You take 2 mins of your day to send me 4 lines....13 words. And none of them really say anything. I suppose the "busy afternoon" was your way of providing rationale for the lack of contact. And of course u remind me to miss you, but no truth as to where your head is. And this is the 2nd email I received since 1030am when u left work today. I know it was your sons bday and I know u sent like 4 snaps. I recognize that. But I'm who u spent the morning making love to. And I'm the one who sat in your office and cried most of the morning. And this is what I am to you? 13 words after 7 hours of no contact? I don't know that you have room for me in your life honestly. I've made room for you in mine, but where do I fit in?
I'm not mad at you and I can even appreciate you being busy with your family. But where does that leave me? What am I to you, xxxx?
Because if im the 1030 afterthought after time spent with the people you really care about, I'm not sure I can hold on. I know it's not fair to ask for more. I recognize it. But I do think I deserve better. Figure out your feelings, baby, because my heart can't take much more.
Good night. I love you.

The worst part about that email is she said that she spent the morning making love to him, but when I ask her about that she said it was a typo and they have never had any sexual relations.

And you believe her WHY? Of course they've had sex. She even said it herself.

Judging by her email, your wife has got it BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD for this other man. This is the worst kind of emotional affair--the one that goes sexual. it sounds like she is in love with him. She tells him she LOVES HIM.

His response makes me think he doesn't feel as deeply as she does. And that he is married/or has a family of his own. That works in your favor (that is, if you want to stay with her and she with you) BUT...know that this affair is way more than what she is telling you.

Who is this guy? Her boss? Do you know his wife? Have you met him?

Stop telling her you found all this stuff--all she will do is lie and take it underground further.

 

The only chance you have at salvaging your relationship (if you even want to) is for her to come clean and be honest. Well, sorry to say, most cheaters don't come clean and offer up honesty.

She is a liar, so get ready for a ROUGH road ahead. You can't work anything out when someone is lying to you.

And the whole thing about "making love this morning" being a typo?!?! A typo is an "e" instead of an "s." This is a complete insult to your intelligence. Please don't believe this nonsense. She is thick in the fog.

Others will be along here shortly to offer up plenty of helpful advice. I'm sorry for what you are going through.

 

I have suspected my wife has been having an emotional affair with someone she works with for the last 8 months, but I could never prove it.

That is almost a year-long.

 

My biggest fear is once this dies down a little bit they will continue to contact each other and start this all over again.

And this SHOULD be your biggest fear, since that's EXACTLY what usually happens.

Weightlifter will be along shortly to tell you how to do recon and gather information if/when this affair goes underground. In the meantime, start learning about VARs (voice activated recorders), start printing and saving hard and digital copies of all her cell phone records, and get ready to EXPOSE this affair to everyone in your life that is important to you and her.

 

The worst part about that email is she said that she spent the morning making love to him, but when I ask her about that she said it was a typo

Bullshyte. You just don't typo that.

and they have never had any sexual relations. She has admitted to me that it was a deep emotional connection and she has been having an emotional affair. I told her to stop lying to me and if they did have sex then just tell the truth, but she continues to deny it.

Let her deny it all she wants. Even if she didn't, what she is doing is bad enough. And even if she didn't have sex with him, you know she wants to and would if they found themselves in the perfect situation.

She is trying to do things that she thinks may make me feel better, like unlocking her phone and letting me see if it i want. I told her I have no use to look at your phone, if something came in you would delete it before I ever knew. She has insisted that all contact has stopped between her and this guy. At the moment I kind of believe that. My biggest fear is once this dies down a little bit they will continue to contact each other and start this all over again.

Well not sure I know what to tell you. If you want to try to work this out, then its going to be rough. If I were the cheater in a marriage, then one thing I would be doing if I don't want my spouse to divorce me is when not at work, my ass is home.

 

Bullshyte. You just don't typo that.

Right? Who typos "making love" or sex as an accident when their entire email supports that.

OP, wake up and see the light-you have suspected this has been going on for 8 months-EIGHT MONTHS--why on EARTH would you think she hadn't slept with him after reading the emailing saying she HAS slept with him--that his WIFE sent you, no less?

Sheesh.

 

180
180
180

Get tested for STDs
File for divorce.
Show her you will leave her and its up to her to win you back.

 

Sorry I am new here. What is 180?

 

DLH,

If you believe the "made love to you all morning" was a typo, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

It meant EXACTLY what is said. She was having sex with him all morning, and she is in love with him (FOG love of course).

He seems like a player type who is using your wife as a side piece while he plays happy family man.

What does your wife do that she could spend all morning with him ? Does she work with him ? Is she a SAHM ?

Do you guys have kids ? What are your ages ?

 

They work together, she is his supervisor.

Yes we have one child together almost 4 years old. My wife and I are both 31. He is 40 or 41.

 

do you have kids? if not..... run for the hills! She is not a woman to have for wife. sorry

 

She's lying.
Not only it was a full blown sexual affair but a very romantic one, she's hooked up in this POSOM. She just likely got dumped as the sh1t hit the fun.

I'm sorry man, I'd do you a disservice If a wouldn't say what I see here.

She started the emotional attachment before you ever notices, who knows for how long, it become visible only after she got hooked up and become physical. it happens all the time. By then she was "his" and you were at best the "hardly tolearable relative", the "friend", more likely the obstacle... the enemy. She has been gaslighting you well with the "controling" card, which always means she had a diferent agenda and interests.

Poly, full disclosure, NC letter, complete transparence, STD test, cutting of enablers, people in the know (If you consider they also betrayed your trust), etc... then she become the proactive, "useful info" seeker to make up for her selfish choices (IC, MC, books, online sources.. whatever).

Of course if she keeps stuck in this ridiculously unbeliable lie about not being physical.. well thre's nothing to save here. IMHO.

If this man wife is up to the task I'd contact her to find out whether she has more intel.

I'm so sorry man.

 

She is a cheater and therefore a liar.

You cannot believe anything she says now.

She is upset and sorry because she got caught.

She has no remorse.

You are not a failure or a horrible person. You are not crazy.

Listen and take to heart everything you read here for it is truth and it is very important that you take appropriate actions now.

It will be tempting to rugsweep. Don't do it. She's the one that needs to work toward rebuilding trust.

 

BTW, get the ohone bill online, go as long in the past as you can and highlight OM's number, the dates ,the hours. She sure deleted the real content, the fact she texted him is there anyway... unkless she's more sneaky and used more "underground" stuff.
Also... keylogger at the labtop, spyware on the phone, VARs (even she went NC with OM she can have a GF, confidant). Put yourself into stealth mode.

 

But I'm who u spent the morning making love to.

A typo? Please.

She's insulting your intelligence, adding insult to injury.

Forget about the poly. You have the proof.

Unless or until she comes completely clean and gives you a written timeline of the A, you should be working on your exit plan - heading straight to D. Talk to an attorney and get the ball rolling.

Keep posting.

 

Don't be her Plan B.
Meet with POSOM's wife and see if there are any other things she can provide to help you confirm a timeline.

 

If it's me and I read that, confronted her and got the same bs story from her and then her trying to turn the tables on me by making me out as a jealous person and controlling, then my next step is this.

I find a lawyer, draw up the papers and have her served at work. It will let her know that you will not play games.

When she confronts you on it, then you let her know that IF she wants the marriage to survive, then we get a polygraph test and you will have the questions you need asked and if she fails then she's gone.

If she decides to come clean, then you as her husband have a choice if you want to continue the marriage or end it. Like you said, she might start it up later on but if she's facing a divorce and she now knows that your not playing games, she's going to think twice about continuing.

I don't but the "typo" thing. Something happened and she either has to come clean on it or you do what you need to do for yourself.

 

To show what you think of her word DNA test your kid in front of her that will send a strong message.
It's time to step it up and not put up with her bs.

File and serve her at work you can always stop it.

 

DLH,

Good news for you and your marriage. The truth is out. For years the Soviet Union denied sending submarines into Swedish waters. The Swedish Navy couldn't proof anything. There were all sorts of theories about fish and seals. Finally, a Soviet U-boat ran aground on the Swedish coast and could not get back to sea. Sweden had to admit that at least one intrusion had been made.

You, too, must admit that at least one intrusion has been made by OM into your beloved wife's vagina. Facing that reality is rough. But now that you know the score, you have a chance to either save your relationship or get out.

Follow Case Sensitive's advice. 180 your wife. Speak to her about nothing but your children and divorce. Divorce takes time, so it need not be what happens in the end. The threat of D will set the needle of your wife's compass spinning. Will it point to you in 7 months time? That is difficult to say.

Since your wife's heart beats faster when she sees OM and she feels arousal even before he touches her. She is in love. That love will not evaporate overnight.

Now that OM is the doghouse maybe your wife will run to join him there if you state your intention to D. Rest assured their passion is not going to provide the same rush anymore. There are too many problems. Each of them will look to the other for sympathy. One or both may conclude that the other is shallow and the love is one sided or deluded.

If your wife awakes from this lust for OM, will she insert you back into your rightful place? This is an unknown. If you conduct yourself with dignity and resolve, you will be more attractive to her. You should under no circumstances beg or court her now. If she says that she loves you. Do not reply that you love her, too.

Say nothing. Your eyes will tell her the truth.

Do not leave your home or bed.

Tell her that she is free to go to him.

Do not have sex with her if you want to know the truth.

If she harasses you, requesting R, tell her to write a timeline of everything that has gone on. Tell OMW that you are going to compare notes with her. Do not tell your wife about contact with OMW.

You may consider putting OM on Cheaterville in a simple factual post with no emotions or bitterness. OM will call your wife begging her to beg you to take it down. This will make his manhood look smaller to her.

 

If you can follow the 180 to a "T" (most BS's have a hard time doing this, those that stick with it have a MUCH better outcome) your behavior will have her flummoxed. She is expecting you to react a certain way; your yelling, screaming, arguing, begging, all plays right into her little fantasy that "you drove her to this." "It's all your fault." "I need space, privacy, time to think."

Fine, she'll have all the time she needs once you are methodically doing the 180 and getting your ducks in a row -- protecting yourself legally, exposing the affair, gathering evidence.

We know you are reeling from this, but if you can do a successful 180 AND you want her back, this may be your only chance to affect your outcome. Pleading, fighting, begging, and trying to "win her back" with gifts, flowers, housework, will only drive her further towards the OM. And if you DON'T want her back, the 180 will go a long way towards helping you recover your self esteem and move forward without her.

 

You will also need to consider the fact your wife was his supervisor in a work environment. Depending on OM's wife, office gossip, etc, word might get around and both your WW and OM could potentially get fired.

IF you are considering divorce, do it NOW while she has a job. Otherwise, you might be on the hook for alimony.

 

Maybe the typo was supposed to be 'making GloveS'. They have been working on a big crochet project together.......

 

:rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol:

 

But I'm who u spent the morning making love to. ...Figure out your feelings, baby, because my heart can't take much more.
Good night. I love you.

I'm who you spent the morning making coffee to? I coffee you?

Which part of calling that a typo isn't supposed to insult your intelligence? Long term physical affair here. She is doing him every day...probably on her desk, his desk, on the boardroom table, the copy machine, in her car, in his car, in the men's room, the cleaning closet, her boss's desk, on your couch, on his wife's couch, in your bed, on your kitchen counter, in your pool, in hotels on business trips, in the alley behind the bar. I'm just guessing of course, but all seem perfectly plausible to me.

Seems like you have a lot of leverage but she is dismissing it. Common practice for a cheater...deny, deny, deny.

I would think that message alone would be enough for her company to fire both of them.

Putting that aside, if you want your wife and marriage back, the only way to get her out of the fog is to file for divorce. Get your child's DNA tested. File for full custody. get yourself tested for STD's. Pack her bags and put them in the garage. Change the locks. Notify her parents and siblings by way of forwarding the messages between them. Meet and exchange notes with the other man's wife. She seems to know a bit. Probably has been told they had sex. Give her the same advice everyone here is giving you.

IF she comes crawling back, one of them has to quit. I think it should be her. The other man's wife should insist he quit. Everyone gets squeamish when it affects income but it is the only way.

 

DLH, sorry that you are here. Here are my observations:

• She is not only having an affair but she is crazy about this guy.
  
• She is actually throwing herself at him, offering him anything he wants.
  
• He is not reciprocating in the same way - he takes from her what he wants and then goes back to his family.
  
• Of course they had sex - in his office all morning and for sure over the last 8 months. Typo indeed! How insulting.
  
• As others have said you are now the outsider in her mind - he has replaced you.
  
• Do not let the fact that you have a son together stop you from dumping her real fast.
  
• You need to bring this affair crashing down around both of them. Consult the OMW - she probably has more now and will be a good source of intelligence as to what POSOM plans to do. Gather evidence like what you have got and then expose wide - friends, family and work - get his ass fired and maybe hers too for good measure (unless you rely on her income).
  
• Protect yourself and your son - consult an attorney about custody. Separate your finances. Get tested for STD's. As a slap in her face, get your son DNA tested.
  
• Tell her clearly what you need to even consider talking about this. Tell her you absolutely do not believe what she says and after a poly proves she is clear then she needs to actively prove she is remorseful. And you have to have the whole truth - how many, how long, where (in your bed ??) etc etc.
  
• Plant a VAR in her car and around the house.
  
• Ensure that POSOM is never around/has no contact with your son.
  
• Watch your back.

Good luck.

 

They were making love all morning? Unless they work in a diaper factory, we know what kind of love they were making.

Funny thing is dude is doesn't want to deal with her beyond an occasional bang. She's head over heels for him.

Schedule a poly. You need a 180. She needs to cut off all contact. No more smart phones- she cannot be trusted. Get her an old Nokia.

 

dlh.83 there is a confrontational way to know if she did something physical with him but you have to not let her deceive you with cheap excuses as "as typo error" that you, me and everyone else here knows is a lie, this kind of excuses are always given by cheaters when this kind of messages are found.

the more easy way to find the truth is with a polygraph test, most of the times the truth is revealed before the test, cheaters almost always crack and confess while going where the test is going to be executed.

before actually arranging the test, you can throw a bluff and tell her you already have appointed a polygraph test, ask her if she had something to confess because once the test have been taken you will not give second chances.

If she confess something like:

- Well we just kissed.
- Well we just fooled around.
- Well we just had oral.
- Well it was just once.

then tell her, "okey I will still keep on the appointment but now I will ask if it was really just: a kiss, one oral, one time"

and keep doing it until she confess the whole truth.

remember cheaters will normally confess first the less damaging of their actions, and in much less quantity than the real amount