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Discussion Starter #1
Hi I am new to the forum and apologize now if this is in the wrong section.

Me and my wife seperated a little over a month ago. We have been married almost five years and together for 7. There was a lot of stress in our relationship from me not working and not helping her out around the house. She was working and going to school. About 2 weeks before we split she started to say that she wanted a break. At first I asked for how long and where are you gonna go? She couldn't give me an answer. The day that we split I thought it was an argument like any other . She started to talk about a break again and I said I don't think you get a break from marriage either we work it out or get a divorce. I regret those words more than anything now ..... I got to see my wife maybe 2 times the first week we were separated and she would say that I had a 1-100 chance of being with her again. Now she says I have no chance. I see a lot of things that I did wrong and I feel like if we could get back together the relationship would be great. But it seems as if she has no interest in it. She always says that she loves me but is not in love with me... I know there are other guys talking to her on Facebook . I honestly don't think she is seeing anyone else. But now I feel like I don't know her the way I thought I did. I could go on and on but I would like to hear any kind of advice.... I would do anything to save my marriage please help and if you need more information about my situation please ask

Thank you
 

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Umm get a job, keep solid upkeep on your living quarters. Take some initiative and do the things you weren't doing. I'm assuming there's more to the story and you're withholding some vital information. If you aren't working or helping out around the house then what were you doing? She's going to work, school and doing everything around the house? Obviously she was pulling her weight. Were you not doing things because of depression? Did you lose your job?

Provide more info, pour your heart out. If you're serious about fixing your marriage the people here can offer you great advice but they can only help you based off of the information you provide.
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Discussion Starter #4
When i look back at things it seems that I wasn't doing anything. With the type of work that I do jobs end and I'm laid off for a while. It's happened before this time for longer than we were used to. I wanna save my marriage but she has divorce papers already and I told her I would sign them if that would make her happy. I don't wanna fight for anything except the relationship. She doesn't wanna fight for any material things. I paid for her to have cosmetic surgery and now I'm the one left with all the debt. Sometimes I feel like she doesn't really know what she is doing and that one day she will wake up and regret it . Doing the best I can to find another job. I'm feeling like there is no hope . Is that true? When a person tells you they wanna live for themselves and wanna do what makes them happy after you feel like all you wanna do is fix things. What am I supposed to do? I know she is going to a club this weekend inviting all her friends and all these new guys she has been talking to on Facebook.
 

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Synthetic's 10 Commandments:

1. Read this link - Just Let Them Go

2. Follow the following rules: The 180 degree rules

3. Read this short book in the next 24 hours: No More Mr. Nice Guy

4. Separate all finances and stop supporting her 'single' lifestyle

5. Book a counseling appointment ASAP

6. Doesn't matter how you do it, but sweat the pain of anxiety out. Treadmills are your best friend. Use them. This is very important: You need to physically feel spent before you hit bed every night.

7. Think a lot, read a lot, and cry as needed - This particular link should be open in your browser at all times and read multiple times: DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?

8. Find your social worth by socializing with as many people as possible (females work better). Spend time with friends, but don't just settle for your circle of friends. This is the best time to make new ones and feel attractive/attracted. You're not looking for sex or a relationship. You're looking for natural human attraction between you and others.

9. Do whatever it takes to go on a trip that involves a long flight, preferably to a country where English or your first language is not spoken

10. Start living an 'overly' fun life without feeling any guilt. This is the hardest task ahead. It's important to wash the guilt out of yourself once you have realized where it originates from via all the reading and counseling you've done.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Will this help even though she is all I think about and I wanna fix things. Does anyone think there is hope?
 

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Will this help even though she is all I think about and I wanna fix things. Does anyone think there is hope?
There's only hope if you stop thinking about her and implement the commandments I listed. Your case is not unique. Many of us have been where you are.

Your only shot at getting your wife back is to make yourself as attractive as possible. The 10 commandments are for that purpose. To give you self-respect and awareness.

A self-respecting, self-aware man who lives a fun life and has his sh1t together is very attractive.

A weak obsessive person who looks sad and feels like a victim is very unattractive.

Choose which one you want to be
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I understand what your saying... Do you think that once paper work starts there is still a chance? If I turn my self into a better person?
 

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Sythetic is right on mark. We all understand the pain, but the message you are sending is unattractive.

Don't rush into signing anything if you don't want, and certainly don't sign it to make her happy.

Now in my case she was in a MLC fog and was clearly confused. This became obvious when I said if this is what she wants, then lets move on. When I said this and meant it with confidence, she broke down and realized what she was losing.

Not all relationships are salvageable, so plan for a new life.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
So if she comes to me with papers again do I sign or not I understand all your advice and appreciate it . Gonna work on myself cause I know I can't do anything to change her mind right now.
 

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So if she comes to me with papers again do I sign or not I understand all your advice and appreciate it . Gonna work on myself cause I know I can't do anything to change her mind right now.

Do you want to sign them? From your posts I don't think you do, so then DON'T.

Starting today, don't do anything to make her happy. Do everything possible to make yourself happy. And don't give me the BS that "her happiness is my happiness". That thing went out of fashion the day she walked out on you.
 

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I think only you can make that call.

Now from my personal situation it was a Mid Life Crisis, which is where most of my input or advice comes from.

Check out my link: MIDLIFE CRISIS for DUMMIES

If any of this sounds fimiliar, you may want to buy some time before signing anything. The fog of the MLC is a form of depression that can lift over a period of time. The key thing is to have patience, improve yourself, do the 180, be hard to reach, and time might allow her to see that the grass may not be greener.

IMHO from my painful experience.
 

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Hey Synthetic I think you need to add the Midlife crisis for dummies to your list. From being here for over a year, so many of the cheating, walk aways, waywards and ILYBNLY posts point to a MLC.

MIDLIFE CRISIS for DUMMIES
I omitted it on purpose. Although a brilliant piece to read, it goes against the purpose of shifting focus from the walkaway to "self".

None of the 10 commandments involve giving an ion of thought to the selfish walkaway. They are all about the left-behind.

To mention things like MLC or BPD is also detrimental to the healing process because it gives us an excuse to be lazy and unnecessarily sympathetic towards selfishness. The best way to lift the fog is to remove yourself from their life. Focusing on MLC, BPD, children, divorce-battles, custody battles and things like that all lead to more involvement in their selfish journey on your part.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Before we split she kept saying she wanted a break. Now the first time she said this I asked where did she wanna go and for how long. She couldn't give me answer so by the time we had the last argument I said I don't think you get a break from marriage it's either we work on fixing things or get divorced that's then she said divorce... Wish I would have never said that
 

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Before we split she kept saying she wanted a break. Now the first time she said this I asked where did she wanna go and for how long. She couldn't give me answer so by the time we had the last argument I said I don't think you get a break from marriage it's either we work on fixing things or get divorced that's then she said divorce... Wish I would have never said that
For some reason you said it twice on this very thread.
 

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Before we split she kept saying she wanted a break. Now the first time she said this I asked where did she wanna go and for how long. She couldn't give me answer so by the time we had the last argument I said I don't think you get a break from marriage it's either we work on fixing things or get divorced that's then she said divorce... Wish I would have never said that
No you said the right thing. There's no "break" in marriage. You're either married or you're not.

Now get to the commandments and stop being so weak and regretful. She doesn't know what she's letting go of. Time to prove to yourself that you're an attractive man she should be thanking her lucky stars to be with. Time to man up.

Find your balls.
 
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