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My dh and I been together 10 years have a 3 and 6 year old. We have been through a lot but he just won't let go.

6 years ago his dad accused me of having taken money from them over the years. They kept a lot of cash at home from undeclared fruit growing selling to public. He alleges it happened over a few years and amassed to like 70000.00.

One I knew they took cash but not that they stashed at home. When he says it went missing I hadn't stayed other members of the family had. And never once was I accused in person. So dh didn't speak to his dad or mum. His dad died two years later and that was my fault cause he hadn't been speaking to him.

We got back talking to his mum who said that her grand daughter kept wanting to blame me and so said a lot of stuff about me. I had to prove my innocence to dh and show bank statements from years before to prove I hadn't banked large amounts of money. He lives with me so knows I didn't spend it.

Turns out it was the said grand daughter but dh still says I am a liar and thief whenever he gets depressed or drunk.

I forgot I stashed a bottle of bourbon a few months back because I have a quiet drink or two when he is on night shift cause he doesn't like me to drink but he can. He goes through 2 to 3 bottles some night alone. He found it and now is saying I can take the kids and leave cause I am a liar and thief.

He constantly has a go at me about us not having a house but he is the one that doesn't want to commit.

Every time he isn't happy bout his own life he blames it on me. He is way overweight beer belly my fault. Depressed all the time.
Nothing I do helps.

I am scared to leave I guess. I am 38 and don't wont to be alone but I can't keep going like this he is now calling me names in front of the kids. I am trying not to say anything as that just aggravates him.

I guess I just want some advice.
 

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I can't tell you what to do. You have to own this decision, but I know what I would do. I've wasted the last 10 years of my life waiting for my wife to change. Right now, as we approach her deathbed, leaving seems moot.

The cost of those 10 years has been horrible. If I had that time back, if I knew how bad it would become, I'd have left the first time she slapped me and never looked back.

Your kids learn how to treat people from your example. I'm doing everything I can to save my son from the same kind of relationships that I've had to live through.
 

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You have a responsibility to protect your kids from seeing that kind of behavior. I encourage you to attend some Alcoholics Anonymous meetings or Al-Anon meetings. I see that you both have alcohol abuse issues when you're both continuing to drink or hiding alcohol because it hurts the marriage instead of simply stopping drinking.
 

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Yes & Yes, Al anon is a great idea and protecting your kids should be your biggest priority right now! Not sure he would go for it, but I honestly think your H would benefit from grief counseling for his father's death. I wonder if some of his actions aren't a result of unresolved guilt over not being able to make amends now that his dad's gone.
 
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