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Hi there. I am new to here. and wanted some advice on something. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now. we love each other very much and we are planning on getting a place together by the end of this summer time. My b day past recently and he gave me a promise ring, beautiful, with both our names and birthstones on it. i love it. Here is my small problem though. I was married to my son's father for a few years before. When we were married, it wasn't a good marriage at all. And the last straw was that i found out that he was cheating on me with all his so called female friends. well anyways, before i had been with ex husband, i didn't mind my boyfriends hanging out with female friends. didn't bother me at all. but since i was cheated on by my ex husband, i have a problem with the men i have been with hanging out with female friends. i know its cause of my ex husband. cause he had told me that they were just "friends" and then i found out he was cheating on me with them.the guy i am with now, he has a few, like 2, female friends that he used to work with, that he likes to hang out with once in a great while. like once every 3-4 months basically. anyways, one of them is married and other has been with the same guy for a long time. he hung out with one of them about amonth ago, they went to lunch, and then she dropped him off at the garage where his car was getting worked on. the other one called this past week to make plans to go get lunch with him and then go bowling or to batting cages or something like that. he told me that whatever they end up doing, lunch and whatever else (bowling or whatever) he would be gone for about 4 - 4 1/2 hours. between driving time nad eating and then bowling or cages, i can see that. it's just that I do trust this man, but in the back of my mind i worry about getting cheated on again cause of my ex husband. i believe my boyfriend when he says they are just friends, and he never had any interest in them before either. its just that feeling is always in the back of my mind now cause of my ex husband. my boyfriend told me that at times i would come along with him to hang out with his friends, so i could meet them. one of them might be having us over for dinner sometime soon too. but at other times he'd just want to go and hang out with his friends, and he wants me to be able to trust him. and like i said i do, its just always ther ein the back of my mind. like i said he doesn't hang out with them much. maybe once ever few months. over the summer might be a little more but not much he said. cause me and him have lots of plans fo rthe summer time together. and i also have male friends that i like to hang out with, that i wouldn't cheat on him with, so i want him to trust me, and he wants me to trust him. and i do, just how do you deal with jealousy when u trust the guy, but are still worried at times cause of ur past?
 

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It sounds like you are letting your past dictate your future. Is it fair to your boyfriend?

I to was cheated on by my ex-wife. The thing is I still worry even after ten years of it happening again since I have so much more with my current wife but I refuse to hurt my relationship because I want to restrict her for what my ex did.

draconis
 

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Trust is a hard thing. Let's say you can't get over the jealusy part. Is that so bad? Being a little jealus of a spouce is actualy kinda of attractive in it's own way. I guess it is all according to how you want to spin it. You can spin it as a bad thing or spin it as Hey, he is good looking and these other woman know it but he loves me and comes home to me.
 

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I had similar issues when I married my husband. It was hard for me. I sat him down and discussed it with him. Explained to him what had happened and that he needed to be patient with me and to reassure me and that it would make it easier for me to let go. He does that and it has never been a problem.
 

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I agree with Drac. You are letting the past dictate your future. Unless he gives a reason the think he is cheating. Let it go. Thinking about him cheating will only create a bad relationship.

I wish you the best.
 
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