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Discussion Starter #1
I am getting married in January and have a few questions about why men talk and If i need ot be concerened.....Okay history on my relationship its a ;littel long but please help me understand whats going on.....We have ahad a roocky three years but the last 8 months have been good...We have had a few major gifhts about his lying to me about what I overheard him say to his buddy at work and also about him taking a girl to work (much younger than him) and lying about it...What the problem is is is what I have overheard on many occasions about him calling every girl he sees' hot, a gearbox even talking about my neighbor and saing id like to cuddle up to that for a few hours...Okay I know i should not have heard him say these things but it is eating at me everyday..he comes home then and cuddles me tells me he loves me etc but i am so disgusted that I dont wnat him ner me...he doesnt know I know these things...Is he just playing me? will he cheat if he could gte the opprotunity with any of thses women? would you marry a man who talks like this behind your back? This is just a small portion of the things he has said and done...PLEASE HELP I DONT WANT TO RUIN MY LIFE
 

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That's a tough one. I know some guys who talk like that and some who don't. Personally I think it's pretty douchy. It could be just trying to be one of the guys. It could be he's looking and would jump at another girl given the opportunity.

Some guys will comment on a good looking woman with their friends. For me the comment should not be crude, end at her, and not involve me & her or anything I would do to her.
 

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but i am so disgusted that I dont wnat him ner me

Why would you marry somebody that disgusts you and you don't want to be around?
 
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Yeah, he's talking like a single construction worker. I get it. A lot of guys do it and it does signify he'll be unfaithful. The issue is that ultimately it is disrespectful to you on some level. Each person will have a different opinion on what that level is and how much is acceptable, but only you can determine that. I'd just sit down with him and have a rational conversation. Take ownership of it because it's more about YOUR feelings than his specific behavior. IE "When you make those statements about other women, I know you're not going to cheat, but I do feel disrespected. Can I ask something of you to help me feel better about myself. Can you curtail some of it?"
 

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One thing that virtually EVERYONE on this forum (guys & gals) will agree on is it WON"T GET BETTER once you're married. If you're having problems or concerns now, address them now and don't get married with unresolved issues.
 

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So you're getting married soon and the relationship has only been real good for the last 8 months????

I think this is a bigger problem than the one you're asking about!
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I did try to talk to him about that I think men who talk like that are disgusting and he said I never talk like that which is a lie...Then he will get mad and say Im playing games with him and that he will not put up with my bs
 

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Discussion Starter #8
so you think that they way he talks he would be unfaithfull///how could a man who says he loves you calls you beautiful everyday and says your ethe sexiest women alive be like this I am so confused
 

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You know he's lying and he's defensive when you raise the issue, tries to turn it around on YOU. The talk about other women shows a lack of respect, not just for them, but especially for you.

The lying also says he doesn't respect you, but much more importantly that you cannot trust him. Without trust, you have virtually no chance at a successful marriage.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
beacuse I know I care for him but when i hear his conversations with his work buddies i cant help but feel horrible and feel he is only with me because he cant get someone else...
 

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Discussion Starter #11
That's a tough one. I know some guys who talk like that and some who don't. Personally I think it's pretty douchy. It could be just trying to be one of the guys. It could be he's looking and would jump at another girl given the opportunity.

Some guys will comment on a good looking woman with their friends. For me the comment should not be crude, end at her, and not involve me & her or anything I would do to her.
Yeah, he's talking like a single construction worker. I get it. A lot of guys do it and it does signify he'll be unfaithful. The issue is that ultimately it is disrespectful to you on some level. Each person will have a different opinion on what that level is and how much is acceptable, but only you can determine that. I'd just sit down with him and have a rational conversation. Take ownership of it because it's more about YOUR feelings than his specific behavior. IE "When you make those statements about other women, I know you're not going to cheat, but I do feel disrespected. Can I ask something of you to help me feel better about myself. Can you curtail some of it?"
I would love to talk to him like that but if he found out i heard his conversations he would ask how i foind out..I snooped with a cell phone spy and listened
 

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All of us Neanderthal men are the same. We talk like we're with our friends in a bar and (married or single) sex is the main topic. Don't lose sleep over a few remarks. The other guy on the line with him could have been prodding him about the neighbor and if she's hot so the friend can hit on her.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
All of us Neanderthal men are the same. We talk like we're with our friends in a bar and (married or single) sex is the main topic. Don't lose sleep over a few remarks. The other guy on the line with him could have been prodding him about the neighbor and if she's hot so the friend can hit on her.
Thanks for saying it like that..although his frined wasnt prodding I know that for sure..He was the one who iniates all the converstaions about women..Oh well I guess I can live with it or leave
 

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"What the problem is is is what I have overheard on many occasions about him calling every girl he sees' hot, a gearbox even talking about my neighbor and saing id like to cuddle up to that for a few hours"

"will he cheat if he could gte the opprotunity with any of thses women? would you marry a man who talks like this behind your back? This is just a small portion of the things he has said and done"

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Why dont you ask him. Go ahead. Print this thread out and hand it to him. No big secrets here, right? Air out the dirty laundry now. You need to clear this up in your mind, and his, before you tie the knot. Explaining it away however, isnt the same as simply not behaving like that in the first place.

Men, Like women... and not immune to appreciating a fine example of the opposite sex - and both may say so between friends etc using appropriate discression. Bu - being crass and obvious and obnoxious and insulting shows a certain amount of ignorance.. or at the very least indifference or social ineptness.

How long you known this guy? You sure you want to buy into that program? If your concern is 'ruining your life' then I suspect you are having a real problem with this. I agree with above comment about marriage not getting easier. You need to resolve it.
 

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I truly doubt this is anything to worry about. The way we guys talk with interacting with other guys is just that. Talk. It doesn't mean we have any intention of jump thier bones. It just means they are attrictive. Yes, it is a crude way of putting it, but it's the way we are.
 

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All of us Neanderthal men are the same. We talk like we're with our friends in a bar and (married or single) sex is the main topic. Don't lose sleep over a few remarks. The other guy on the line with him could have been prodding him about the neighbor and if she's hot so the friend can hit on her.
But all us men aren't Neanderthals. Just sayin'. I'm married. I don't talk about "hitting that" because it tells the guys I'm with that I don't respect my wife. But if I saw an attractive woman I would mention it to my buddies. I do recognize and enjoy beauty and my friends do too.
 

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You're obviously having doubts as to whether or not you can trust your BF (you say he's lying to you), and you're also finding the crass way he talks about other women rather off-putting. With this in mind, I think I'd be inclined to put the wedding back a little until I was completely sure that he's the right man for you.
 

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Some guys are stuck in the mind of a 16 year old boy. Thankfully some will come out of that if they know they are hurting you. Have a frank discussion with him and give him a dose of reality. Let him know that crap is not ok with you and you won't tolerate it.

All of us have a little bit of that dog in us and thats ok we were preprogrammed to be that way. Its how we perpetuated the spiecies. But this isn't 5,000 years ago and so now that dog needs to be chained sometimes.

Hopefully he will chain himself if he realizes how it hurts you. Once you have told him though he is responsible to control that little boy inside!
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Well I did chat with him and he said again he doesnt really talk like that LOL I said yeah ya do then he proceeded to say well no matter what I say my herat belongs to you...IS THIS JUST A LINE OF BS?
 

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Why did you see a need to snoop on his cell phone conversations? Tacit snooping is one thing, but installing a "spy" on his phone seems more radical unless there was real cause to do so.

How old are the two of you?

He says his heart belongs to you but actions speak louder than words. You've confronted him several times about it (based on what you've said in this thread) and each time he flat out denies it. You're at an impasse - you either drop it or present him with the evidence. Since you snooped and you KNOW he will be angry about this, you need to be prepared to give a rational, calm reason why you thought that level of snooping was necessary.

So explain why here and see what others say. I'm just having a hard time believing that his crude comments are the only issue here.
 
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