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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm the guilty party in this scenario.

History ( Before I emotionally cheated this time)
I've been with my partner for about 4 years. We've gone through a lot of growing pains and had lots of great memories. He's emotionally cheated on me and I emotionally cheated in the past as well.

Present
The last few weeks have been extra difficult I was feeling extra alone despite having family, friends, and a partner who's generally always available. Last weekend, we had a blowup where we almost decided to end things because we were struggling so much. I was feeling unwanted and alone and he was feeling overwhelmed in general and irritable with me. So during that conflict when I was emotional he showed no empathy and it broke my soul and I felt so alone. That this person ultimately possibly didn't care for me (he does it's a struggle even though we know our love languages and we communicate).

So the next day I ridiculously gave in and reached out to my ex best friend who I had emotionally cheated before with (not on this relationship). My intention was to simply connect with someone emotionally feel less alone. My ex best friend tried to push for more the idea that maybe him and I could consider a future I did tell him about my partner and the things I enjoyed and that's why I was with him and was putting in the effort. My ex. best friend brought up our past sexual ventures (years ago) and I did acknowledge that it was flattering that he would remember that. Anywho, while I didn't sext or send pix I did reach out to him , I did entertain the idea of a future but insisted I just wanted to chat to figure out things ...clearly I'm in the wrong...as I was doing it in a few days time I also realized that if I tried harder to treat my partner better maybe things can improve and I was making the effort and I was learning from this mistake. Yesterday my ex best friend screenshot and shared everything to my partner so he now knows and is pretty convinced that I was going to leave him.


Aftermath
Hes disappointed and irritable but was able to sit down and have a discussion without yelling at me. I was surprised how well he took it. He left to a dinner came back we continued to discuss our relationship and I shared what I had been doing while he was gone which was reading articles, reflecting and trying to understand what lead me down this road again. Journaled and looked up support groups. Reading about others experiences and what they did to stop. We can't currently afford counseling but it is something that he brought up and I'm willing to go to in the very near future.

I don't blame my ex best friend, I'm upset at myself for failing the relationship and him again despite all our issues he didn't deserve for me to emotionally cheat again. We're sleeping on things for now the discussing if the relationship is even worth saving.. discussion will continue likely today. Any recommendations/advice would be appreciated.
 
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