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Hello, I’ve had a bit of a problem arise between me and my wife. I work in a nightclub and my role is to look after people who are a bit worse for wear and a big part of that is speaking to lots of people. I speak to women and men and on the most part I get on quite well with everybody, some of the regulars I have on social media. One of the regulars, a woman, messaged me on Instagram telling me she was going there by herself and asked if I could sort of look after her, to which I agreed. Now, I will never say anything inappropriate to another woman, I will never do anything to jeopardise our relationship, I literally worship my wife. The problem is, I deleted the message panicking thinking my wife will think there was something going on between us, which there absolutely isn’t. She has never given me any reason to panic like that but I did because I worried it’d plant the seed in her head. She found out this girl had messaged me and I kept it from her and deleted it and now the very thing I was worried about I have created by being stupid. She thinks I panicked because I said something I shouldn’t have. I’d never do anything to hurt my wife because I love her more than anything and now I feel like I’m pushing her away because of a stupid mistake. I’ve told her the truth but I still feel she doesn’t believe me.
 

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3 things:

Try to get a program to recover the messages

DON'T volunteer to "take care of helpless women" anymore

Deleting messages takes effort. It isn't a mistake. It's done on purpose

Whatever you do, DON'T tell your wife it's a "stupid mistake" and "nothing". She has a right to be suspicious because you DID act suspiciously.
 

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3 things:

Try to get a program to recover the messages

DON'T volunteer to "take care of helpless women" anymore

Deleting messages takes effort. It isn't a mistake. It's done on purpose

Whatever you do, DON'T tell your wife it's a "stupid mistake" and "nothing". She has a right to be suspicious because you DID act suspiciously.
You should do the undelete WITH YOUR WIFE so you can show her you are not trying to hide anything.
YOU also need to understand that from your wife's point of view, you crossed a boundary. You are there to WORK FOR THE CLUB, not the patrons, and you really shouldn't be doing stuff like this. I think your wife has a legitimate beef with you on this one. Stop the non-work interactions with these folks.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
3 things:

Try to get a program to recover the messages

DON'T volunteer to "take care of helpless women" anymore

Deleting messages takes effort. It isn't a mistake. It's done on purpose

Whatever you do, DON'T tell your wife it's a "stupid mistake" and "nothing". She has a right to be suspicious because you DID act suspiciously.
You should do the undelete WITH YOUR WIFE so you can show her you are not trying to hide anything.
YOU also need to understand that from your wife's point of view, you crossed a boundary. You are there to WORK FOR THE CLUB, not the patrons, and you really shouldn't be doing stuff like this. I think your wife has a legitimate beef with you on this one. Stop the non-work interactions with these folks.
 

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If your wife is aware of everything your job entails and is also aware of your regular contacts with patrons,then why did you automatically believe that this request would plant a seed of doubt in her? It just seems odd to me that this would be your go to thought if the request you posted here is as innocuous as it seems,considering what your job requires.
 

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How long have you been married?

As @Emerging Buddhist has mentioned, your service does need to stop at the club doors.

I get that friendships can form and there isn't anything wrong with that by itself. You need strong boundaries however, or you are going to sink your marriage.

Admit you screwed up and alter your behavior so you don't text women from work unless it is totally work related. If it isn't pay related, it shouldn't be happening.

Your wife should be able to be included comfortably with your work environment.
 

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Why do you have regular clubbers as friends on your social media? That's not very professional, nor will it do much for your marriage. @personofinterest has some good points: don't help the female regulars anymore, and don't tell your wife that it was a stupid mistake.
 
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