Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I am new to this website but it seems helpful to get other people's point of view. I have been married for almost 3 years. My husband does not support my dreams of working with sex trafficking victims. I have personal ties to the issue and have had various opportunites to either speak, work with, and/or volunteer with this sub group. It is my goal to work in the social work field. I have one year left towards my MSW. Anyway, every time I have a great opportunity to do what I love, he feels I am putting the family in jeapordy because of it. I have turned down other opportunities because of this. I currently have a new opportunity that I am excited about, which requires that I do outreach at various strip clubs, massage parlours, etc in a group setting. Not the safest thing, but it is my passion. He feels so stronlgy against me doing it that he said it will be the deal breaker for our marriage. There is no changing his thoughts and he is not willing to compromise. We have other issues as well and have a 2 year old daughter. I am so confused as to what I should do because on one side, I feel like I will never be able to do what I truely love if I am with him and I keep letting these great opportunities pass me by. But am I putting my family in a bad position by doing a job that can be dangerous? I feel there are many jobs that are dangerous but if you are trained and comfortable, you just do them. I don't know what to do...Need some advice
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
37 Posts
Congrats on almost getting your Masters you should be very proud. It is nice to see someone who has a passion. As you know you want to enter a very stressful career. Now I would like to share a little of my experience working in a stressful career. When I was young I was full of passion as well, I worked in this career for 23 years. I gave my all and took on as much responsibility as I could. Finally it caught up to me and I had to get out. And trying to find a new career path in your forties wasn't easy. Now I am back at school and worked in the field for the summer. And I can tell you I worked way to hard for my money in my past career.
My advise is to you is to try and see yourself in the future. Can you see yourself doing this at forty? Try and talk to as much people as you can that are in this field. Get their opinions on as much as possible. But remember some might not tell the truth as well. Talk to your husband on your findings. Don't be too blinded by your passion really think what is best for you in the long run. You don't want to be discouraged by entering in the sex disorder field and totally throw social work out the window. Good luck to you.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,400 Posts
Did you marry him with his knowledge of your desire to work in this arena? If so, the deal should have been broken then and not now. Now is too late.

Why is he so uncomfortable with this line of work? Is there any guilt he's not shared with you? Is it really about safety?

Also, what is the reality of your safety? What are some things that could happen?

Is there another alternative that wouldn't put you on the front line, but perhaps second tier?

Examine your motives. You say you have some experience in this area. Are you trying to save the world or save someone in your life who it is already too late for? IOW, is it possible that you won't get out of this what you expect because in fact, you can't save the person you want to save? Saving others might feel good, but it may not heal the underlying wound.

If you don't do this, how will you feel? What else would you do instead? Would you carry resentment with you and let it harm your marriage and your relationship with your husband?

How will you explain your position to your daughter?

I agree though -- congrats on being so close to your MSW.

(PS - do you think your husband would really follow through on divorcing you over this? I sort of doubt it. He's playing a mighty dangerous card. If it comes up here, will it come up in other areas of contention as well? Is he just being a controlling jerk or does he have a valid, very real set of beliefs around this?)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,150 Posts
he might be genuinely concerned for your safety. he might also be concerned that you will not have time or desire for him.

my wife will likely end up in the workforce soon (after 12 years as a stay home mom). while i would be happy for her, we already have problems making time for us. that will likely kill it completely because she is a very driven person when it comes to a job, she will throw everything she has into it (like she did when we first got married). while i wouldn't try to stop her from doing it, it would likely drive us further apart.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,400 Posts
Hey Okey, I work full time and am returnin to school this semester. I'm really concerned about time with my husband so there are some things we can do "together" (side-by-side) while I'm studying. His hobby will allow him to do his thing while I'm doing mine. That means I can share what he's doing by looking at what's going on and we can talk and I can share with him what I'm studying or working on (since we're both in the same field.)

Also, going to bed at the same time helps a lot. Lots of time for being physical and cuddling at night and in the morning. We do this anyway but I think it is a really important part of our connection.

Get away together (just the two of you) once/quarter for a weekend.

Help one another with chores, hire a cleaning service (she'll be making more $$ so you can splurge), and let some things go that would otherwise get done. Your marriage is more important.

So worrying is fine but planning is better. Action!
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top