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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I've been married for a year. I feel like we did everything so fast. My husband came home from Iraq, we got married, and a week later, found out we were having a baby. I moved away from home to be with him and have our baby together. Upon moving, I had found out from emails and messages that he had been cheating on me the entire time we dated before we had gotten married. Not just once, not twice. But three times with three different women. Once on leave with his ex, once in Iraq with some medic, and once after I visited him after coming back home to the States with some girl. Not to mention all of the messages with girls he never got to cheat on me with but had talked about planning things (and then again who knows...) It tore me apart but I fought hard to fix our marriage.

But now after moving back home (he is no longer in the services) I've been hanging out with my friend. Herein lies the problem. This friend is someone I've known all my life. We dated for a year in highschool and called it quits but became good friends in college while my boyfriend at the time was in Iraq. I could feel butterflies then and feel them even more strongly now. It could be that I'm finding acceptance and love with him where I'm not finding it with my husband. But it's so hard as no one in my family likes my husband because of his anger issues he has. He tends to lash out a lot. And particularly at me. He was going to anger management therapy in the services and working on his issues but now has struggled to start it up again.

I feel like I've been holding onto threads of my marriage already so early even from the first few months of marriage when I had found out about all of the lies and cheating. I know there's a lot to work on and it could be worked on, but I feel like I've given so much and still haven't gotten anywhere. I've felt my marriage was never true since he could never confront me and tell me the truth before he put a ring on my finger. I'm just a person who never lies and he seems so confortable doing it.

Anyways, this friend of mine and I had a conversation a few days ago when we were just hanging out and we indirectly told eachother we had feelings. We cried and hugged and that was it. He left and I don't plan on acting on my feelings but I just can't help but feel like I made the worst mistake of my life being with the man I decided to marry. There are some great things about him, but he's just so damn angry all of the time. And sometimes he can just be so cruel.

Please help. Tell me what to do. I don't want to give up on my marriage but I feel like I've given so much of myself already. I selfishly will admit that I want a fresh start. Maybe not jumping into a new relationship, but even just leaving and living with my little girl for now. I honestly don't know what I should do.

Should I stay and stick it out? Should I leave? Should I give into these new feelings I have?
 

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Have you talked to your husband about your feelings? I'm almost in the same situation with a husband that can lie like it's nothing, also in the military, we met in Iraq. I think though you need to do what makes YOU happy and if being with your husband doesn't make you happy then you need to let him know you are not happy. If he doesn't do anything to change then you know that you did what you could. You don't want your baby growing up in a house that isn't happy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
What was his response when you confronted him about being a serial cheater?
I've talked about my feelings about his anger and he says he's trying. It just doesn't seem like it sometimes. Not to mention I found out about it all and started searching when he gave me chlamydia. And please believe when I say I know it was him. I've only been with one man and one man only in my life. I confronted him about it when my doctor had told me and he tried to say it before we started dating. Then when I wasn't buying it and wanted to leave, he fessed and said he had slept with someone in Iraq. I continued searching afterward not believing that was it and found he had slept with his ex when he was home on leave. And then after I had went home from visiting him on his homecoming. He said he didn't want to tell me because he was ashamed that he let it happen. Apparently it meant nothing to him except with the time with his ex because he was trying to get over her. And now with recent events..
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
As the are, a friend of mine has contacted my mother and said he had heard of some things my husband was up to while we living away from home. And it just breaks my heart. I want to believe my husband when he says he's telling me the truth but he tells a truth and a lie like they're one in the same. I'm waiting to hear back from this new situation and see if validates my fears. And if it turns out he was still messing around, I am leaving. But what if he didn't? I mean I'm at the point where if anybody told me something, I'd probably believe it. I'm just so hurt and confused. I don't want all of this to effect my little girl. She's only 6 months now.
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You made a number of quick decisions without really thinking any of them through and are now paying the consequences of such actions. If I were you, I'd leave and only focus on your child. Do NOT jump into a new relationship, just as you had jumped into this marriage or you will continually make the same mistakes over and over again. How many times does your husband have to cheat before you say enough is enough? He has already cheated 3 times with 3 different women. If my husband cheated once on me, that would be enough for me to bring up the topic of divorce as I do not tolerate cheaters. In the end it is your decision, but you need to really think about what you want in a husband and if you "husband" is meeting that criteria.
 
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