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We've been married for 23 years. The sexual initiation is usually done by me 99.9% of the time. How do I get her to initiate? By the way, the only place she likes having sex is in the bedroom (The most boring place ever) usually missionary unless i move her to another position. How do I change this?
 

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Yes I have spoken to her about it and usually she'll do something that night, then back to the same old ways.

We talk, laugh, exercise together. kids are all grown up and gone. It's just her and I. Don't get me wrong, she's a great woman, Mom, Wife, etc... It's just that I want to feel like she wants me, you know we men actually have feelings too, although we may not show it.
 

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Also I like for her to tell me goodnight or hey I'm going to bed now but she never does this either. Maybe even a kiss or a hug when I walk in the door from work. It's usually me doing all that and not her.
 

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No, but I asked her to just in case I die in my sleep. At least we said something to each other before we went to sleep, you know what I mean?
 

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Now I am with holding affection away from her so she can feel like how she makes me feel. Is that wrong too?
 

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Giving her a taste of her own medicine is not the answer......

Sounds like there's a need she has that you're not meeting. Sometimes in a marriage life just has a way of well....getting in the way. When was the last time you took her on a date? One where you made all the arrangements/plans, pulled out all the stops like you used to do when courting her. What kinds of things did you do to get her attention then? When was the last time you did some of those things?
 

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How much time do the two of you spend together alone talking or doing something together (not including watching tv) a week?
 

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are you a nice guy? demanding? you posted your question at 4:58 and at 5:19, 21 minutes later you wrote, "just like my woman, no response." do you have unrealistic expectations?

Are you a good lover? Do you spend time on your wife or it's all about your satisfaction?

I initiate about 1/3 of the time with my husband, and I'd say most of that 1/3 of the time, I conscientiously initiate because I think it's what I should do and not necessarily because i'm in the mood for sex, especially since, as affectionate as my husband is (kisses hello, goodbye, lots of hugs during the day) when it comes to sex, I don't think my needs are much of a thought in his mind (I need to deal with this).

He'll touch me for 2 minutes, but as soon as I touch back, he stops, and I'll continue for 15,20, sometimes 30 minutes. Still no touching of me, so if I'm ready to move on (work, sleep, chores, boredom...) most of the time, I have to lubricate myself to have sex while he's hard as a rock from all my fondling. And then it lasts 2 minutes (sometimes 5 seconds).

I wonder if being a better lover might inspire her to initiate more?
 

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We've been married for 23 years. The sexual initiation is usually done by me 99.9% of the time. How do I get her to initiate? By the way, the only place she likes having sex is in the bedroom (The most boring place ever) usually missionary unless i move her to another position. How do I change this?
Well, I think the first thing to change is the attitude. I'm not sure if you are aware of how judgmental you sound.

It must be very hard to initiate when what one prefers is considered "boring". She's boring? How do you think that feels - to know your spouse finds you boring?

And now you have stopped touching her altogether? Do you think she is interpreting this as a "lesson" from you? Or that she is now completely unworthy of any attention at all?

JMHO - if you want her to feel sexy...you need to act as if she already is. Tease her. Flirt with her. Be irresistable. Let her know that you think she is AWESOME.

I know I would be much more inclined to cuddle up to a person who thought I was 'all that" - rather than trying to pelase someone who just thinks I am boring...

But that's just me.
 

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You can't GET her to do anything - your dynamics have to change, too.

We can't give recommendations without your coming back to answer some questions. Read the sex and marriage forums - you might learn a lot there.

She probably doesn't feel "safe" being adventurous, perhaps feeling you'll laugh, say it's about time, etc. Or she's just getting it over with to avoid an argument. It sounds like she doesn't feel there's anything in it for her. That can be physical OR emotional so not necessarily tied to your skill as a lover - it can be about how you communicate and feel about each other.
 
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