Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
So me and my now fiancé have been together for three years. He really is the love of my life, my soul mate...everything. There is, however one problem...the sex. There is an age difference, which honestly has never interfered with anything between us except sexually. I stay ready for sex nearly 24/7, but he has low testosterone levels, and an erectile dysfunction. He's not even middle aged yet but his ex-wife basically just used him to give herself one then stopped...so he can't always get it up...I have tried porn and masturbation which worked at first, but I am desperate for that hot, passionate sex that we never really had. He is my first and only. I was a virgin when we met. I've never had sex with any one else before but recently I have found myself sexting and I almost agreed to have sex with someone else. I am NOT a cheater, as it goes against everything I believe in. I just stay so hot for so long, then when we do have sex, sometimes it's so fast I don't even have one. I'm afraid I'm turning into a sexual pleasure addict...Any advice on what I could do to tone down my sexual desires and possibly boost his?
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
29,455 Posts
So me and my now fiancé have been together for three years. He really is the love of my life, my soul mate...everything. There is, however one problem...the sex. There is an age difference, which honestly has never interfered with anything between us except sexually. I stay ready for sex nearly 24/7, but he has low testosterone levels, and an erectile dysfunction. He's not even middle aged yet but his ex-wife basically just used him to give herself one then stopped...so he can't always get it up...I have tried porn and masturbation which worked at first, but I am desperate for that hot, passionate sex that we never really had. He is my first and only. I was a virgin when we met. I've never had sex with any one else before but recently I have found myself sexting and I almost agreed to have sex with someone else. I am NOT a cheater, as it goes against everything I believe in. I just stay so hot for so long, then when we do have sex, sometimes it's so fast I don't even have one. I'm afraid I'm turning into a sexual pleasure addict...Any advice on what I could do to tone down my sexual desires and possibly boost his?
I am really, genuinely sorry to burst your bubble of innocence but...

sexting by a married person is cheating. :(

Get him to a doctor who can refer him to specialists.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
We're trying to get someone to help him...and what I meant by
"I'm not a cheater" is that's not who I am...I admit that's what I did...but I'm better than that...that's why I'm so desperate to find help
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,273 Posts
We're trying to get someone to help him...and what I meant by
"I'm not a cheater" is that's not who I am...I admit that's what I did...but I'm better than that...that's why I'm so desperate to find help
Evidently you're not. Stop texting and sexting right now. Encourage him to get TRT. If that's still not enough leave him and find a single person to be with

I'm not trying to be crass, but I want you to understand texting or sexting another man especially a married man is cheating.

Hope things work out for you.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
8,908 Posts
Did you tell him what you did? He should know, so he a) starts keeping tabs on you, which may keep you honest, and b) he understands how serious the problem is. It also give him warning about what his future may hold, but that's a different story

My only piece of advice is to get out now. Even if the specialist is able to help, I suspect it may be a temporary fix. But I'm cynical. :). Give the specialist a try, but if that doesn't balance things out, do both of you a favor and let him go.

How old are the two of you?

C
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,103 Posts
There's not much you can do to reduce your drive, short of taking some prescription antidepressants, and of course that's a bad idea unless you actually need them. As for him, the physical side my include getting in better shape, possibly testosterone boosters (natural or one of the prescription products), and possibly Viagra or one of the other products. It also sounds like individual counseling may be in order for him.

If none of that works, do you want to be in a sexless relationship for the rest of your life? You're already frustrated with the lack of sex. Without a solution for him, that's what you're looking at.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,157 Posts
Sadly as much as you love this person you probably should not marry him. If this board can testify to any fact it is that sexual incompatibility, overall, cannot be changed.

I'm sure you love him very much - and it really stinks that we can love those deeply that we are not sexually compatible with.

If you are already in such a state that you are being tempted outside your relationship please do not marry this person.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,370 Posts
First thing you should do is tell him that you betrayed him.
Second, don't marry him or anyone else right now. You are not ready for a LTR at this point in your life.

If you really love him, let him go. You will bring him misery and pain. If you cannot remain loyal to him in just 3 years, just imagine what will happen in 5, 10 and 15 years.

BTW, there is ample treatment for men with low testosterone. If he is in his 40's, there is no reason he should have erectile dysfunction and low sex drive. Why does he not seek medical help?

Tell him what you have done so that he knows the relationship is in big trouble.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,388 Posts
Pre martial relationships are for one thing........ To find out if you are a match. In this CRUCIAL aspect of a potential marital relationship, you two are NOT A MATCH. When you find out this information, you break off the relationship and start looking for somone who is a match. You don't try to fix him. You don't say that all other things are great. If you do, you are setting yourself up for misery. Worse yet, children could be seriously harmed by your poor decision to marry someone who is not a match.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
960 Posts
Do you think his sex drive will INCREASE as he gets older? This is only going to get worse. You're already looking outside of your relationship to find what you need. Just get out before you have 3 kids and a mortgage and a husband who can't give you the sex life you want.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
29,455 Posts
Do you think his sex drive will INCREASE as he gets older? This is only going to get worse. You're already looking outside of your relationship to find what you need. Just get out before you have 3 kids and a mortgage and a husband who can't give you the sex life you want.
It might increase if it is fixable with meds or treatment.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
960 Posts
It might increase if it is fixable with meds or treatment.
True. It could get better. I guess it depends on the age difference. I'm looking down the road a ways when she hit's her stride and his drive is declining even further. I was assuming a large age difference. If it's not that large, could be workable. I just hate for people to get stuck in something they regret.

But if his confidence has been shaken by his x's treatment, and that's why his drive is down, he could overcome it.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,174 Posts
True. It could get better. I guess it depends on the age difference. I'm looking down the road a ways when she hit's her stride and his drive is declining even further. I was assuming a large age difference. If it's not that large, could be workable. I just hate for people to get stuck in something they regret.

But if his confidence has been shaken by his x's treatment, and that's why his drive is down, he could overcome it.
On many of us, the more we use it the better we get. If he has self confidence issues, or stress wasting his attention, then it will weaken it.

I wouldn't throw the man away because of a decline in his sex drive. Apply some intelligence towards the situation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
960 Posts
I was also taking into account that she's already considering cheating. So, if they get married and his drive decreases again/further at some point in the future... Oh well all hypothetical thinking on my part.
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top