Quick run down on my situation
I messed up big time 3+years ago, I contacted an escort, thats it, 1 email, no reply nothing happened.
She found out, (email was not deleted). I had given her all my passwords to email, ph etc. as I felt/feel i had/have nothing to hide. We have been together for 4 years, married almost 2.
We have been to a MC within the last year around 14 times. She then quit as she felt the MC was no good and not seeing her side. I feel that he was a gooder and only problem was that he was trying to have her take ownership of some of the stuff she has done/put me thru. She feels justified in all of her actions because of what i did.
I learnt alot about myself @ MC, and am a much better person today. I know i handle issues alot better, treat her the best I can, understand what i did and how it effects her and us. I accept ownership of my wrong doings and try to repair our issue asap, without being pushy but also wanting to clear things up with the day.
As said, my real screw up is years behind us and still i understand trust is an issue. She still has complete access to my computer and phone, but its not enuf. She has always gone to her family, children when things are rough for us, and shares her side with them. I have asked her repeatedly not to do this as it is very uncomfortable for me. She has had them pick her up from home, stayed the night, etc. Shares everything with her kids. 2 weeks ago we had another issue. We were having a discussion, she started to cry, and we were outside a club, she left the truck, i followed her asking her to come back to the truck so we could talk it thru, she yelled at me to get away. I then tried again to talk to her and she said" no one treats me like a dog" infront of 6 other people. I went back to the truck, txted, called her cell but she did not answer. I went home after an hour and cried, realizing what I mean to her. I still txted and called but at 2:45am she comes home and she had called her son to pick her up! she told him ( and others) I left her at the club! and still believes this today. This is a huge issue as I feel that thru the MC and other things gone on in our life that she is not honest with herself, never mind me. She has tuned me in, infront of her brother, WOW, what a humbling experince that was. She has yelled at me outside our house, to numerous time to mention, she turns a discussion into drama real quick and is never in the wrong, Blameshift is in her blood.
Her actions at times leave me to feel that I mean nothing to her, she doesnt appericate anything i do, does not realize the effort I make to have a good life for us.
I feel that she does not respect me, or my feelings. I am feeling that I have done too much damage for our love to be repaired.
I am treating her the very best i can but the error in my past kills our future, everything is negative from her view.
Sex, once every week or two, and its like a chore for her.
I do my share of the household duties, (always have/always will), she works 2 days a week, me 60-70 hrs a week.
I am heading to a counciler friday, feeling down on myself bigtime. Im just at a loss with is this normal with the trust issue. I know I messed up but after 3 +years I hope to feel love again, trust again, respect
Thanks for hearing me
I messed up big time 3+years ago, I contacted an escort, thats it, 1 email, no reply nothing happened.
She found out, (email was not deleted). I had given her all my passwords to email, ph etc. as I felt/feel i had/have nothing to hide. We have been together for 4 years, married almost 2.
We have been to a MC within the last year around 14 times. She then quit as she felt the MC was no good and not seeing her side. I feel that he was a gooder and only problem was that he was trying to have her take ownership of some of the stuff she has done/put me thru. She feels justified in all of her actions because of what i did.
I learnt alot about myself @ MC, and am a much better person today. I know i handle issues alot better, treat her the best I can, understand what i did and how it effects her and us. I accept ownership of my wrong doings and try to repair our issue asap, without being pushy but also wanting to clear things up with the day.
As said, my real screw up is years behind us and still i understand trust is an issue. She still has complete access to my computer and phone, but its not enuf. She has always gone to her family, children when things are rough for us, and shares her side with them. I have asked her repeatedly not to do this as it is very uncomfortable for me. She has had them pick her up from home, stayed the night, etc. Shares everything with her kids. 2 weeks ago we had another issue. We were having a discussion, she started to cry, and we were outside a club, she left the truck, i followed her asking her to come back to the truck so we could talk it thru, she yelled at me to get away. I then tried again to talk to her and she said" no one treats me like a dog" infront of 6 other people. I went back to the truck, txted, called her cell but she did not answer. I went home after an hour and cried, realizing what I mean to her. I still txted and called but at 2:45am she comes home and she had called her son to pick her up! she told him ( and others) I left her at the club! and still believes this today. This is a huge issue as I feel that thru the MC and other things gone on in our life that she is not honest with herself, never mind me. She has tuned me in, infront of her brother, WOW, what a humbling experince that was. She has yelled at me outside our house, to numerous time to mention, she turns a discussion into drama real quick and is never in the wrong, Blameshift is in her blood.
Her actions at times leave me to feel that I mean nothing to her, she doesnt appericate anything i do, does not realize the effort I make to have a good life for us.
I feel that she does not respect me, or my feelings. I am feeling that I have done too much damage for our love to be repaired.
I am treating her the very best i can but the error in my past kills our future, everything is negative from her view.
Sex, once every week or two, and its like a chore for her.
I do my share of the household duties, (always have/always will), she works 2 days a week, me 60-70 hrs a week.
I am heading to a counciler friday, feeling down on myself bigtime. Im just at a loss with is this normal with the trust issue. I know I messed up but after 3 +years I hope to feel love again, trust again, respect
Thanks for hearing me