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Has anyone had success with this? I'm way past this as an option for myself, but it just seems to be such a submissive, desperate attempt to assert control over a situation you have no chance in hell of controlling... I see a lot of references to this, along with polygraphs.

I couldn't imagine my sitting my WIFE down and constructing a letter to some stranger who has been intimate with my WIFE. I can only imagine her agreeing to anything since she was caught, but later laughing about it to the the OM once she can get away to call him. I couldn't even imagine having her hooked up to a machine, asking her questions about said stranger.

If I were to sit down and write anything with her, it would be a divorce agreement.

I'm absolutely mystified how anyone can forgive and continue being married after an affair. I'm not saying it is impossible, but man, how do you do it?
 

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The NC letter is only possible and effective when the wayward wants to save the marriage a stop the affair. The betrayed has nothing to do with this tactic. Sure its important to review the NC letter and send it out together.

But if your old lady is still in contact with her AP then a NC letter is pointless.

In order to forgive and continue the marriage the wayward has to want it. It sound like your WW is no were near sending and NC letter to the OM. In fact the OM still has an unhealthy influence on the dynamics of the marriage from what you have mentioned.
 

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http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/66162-question-nc-letters-importance.html

This thread covers just about everything you constructed. IMO it helps in two ways, if she signs it and keeps talking, it is hard PROOF for the betrayed that WS values the OP more than the marriage.

The other is covered int "the guy's post.

Oh and let me add, IMO a "stranger" is a one night stand, NC Letter is for continued contact with someone who isn't a stranger.
 

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Has anyone had success with this? I'm way past this as an option for myself, but it just seems to be such a submissive, desperate attempt to assert control over a situation you have no chance in hell of controlling... I see a lot of references to this, along with polygraphs.

I couldn't imagine my sitting my WIFE down and constructing a letter to some stranger who has been intimate with my WIFE. I can only imagine her agreeing to anything since she was caught, but later laughing about it to the the OM once she can get away to call him. I couldn't even imagine having her hooked up to a machine, asking her questions about said stranger.

If I were to sit down and write anything with her, it would be a divorce agreement.

I'm absolutely mystified how anyone can forgive and continue being married after an affair. I'm not saying it is impossible, but man, how do you do it?
Dear Furious George,

The purpose of a NC is for the WS (not the BS) to notify the AP that she no longer wishes to see him. The WS should write the letter in her own words (the BS should read it to ensure that the message is correct and then ensure that it was sent). The WS should admit in the NC that what she and the AP did was wrong, express remorse for cheating and say she wants no further contact with the AP so that she can try to save her marriage.

You are correct that a NC letter is only effective if the WS lives up to her promise to have no contact with the AP. But this doesn't detract from the benefit of the WS admitting her wrong-doing and taking action to end her affair.

I, too, am mystified as to how some couples are able to reconcile after an affair, but many can. However, I think the percentage is low, certainly well below 50%.

Best of luck to you.
 
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