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Discussion Starter #1
My STBX has been struggling with his contracting business. Economy and real estate market have caused business to dry up. I have worked full time for 16 years however he turns every conversation around to money. He walks away from everything and everyone and leaves me with all the bills, mortgage, debt and child care, medical ins, dental, orthodontist, school fund raisers, uniforms, etc. Despite this - I am trying to get $650 a month support. Small cost for his freedom with his tramps. I cover over 4500 a month from my paycheck and expect him to cover $650. Of course I never get this and barely get money. Here is the texting that just occurred..... Need to know if you would interpret my first email as nasty, snotty or insulting.... I just need to know if it is me.. maybe I am not seeing it!!!

Me –Hi did you get any checks in?
Ex - You tell me
Me - None here not sure if you received any I’m not lookin for fight or snotty comments
Ex - Did you check the mail?
Me - yesterday but got nothing
Ex - Snotty comments? What did you just text me other than nasty snotty shiity comments? Hi did you get me any $$$???
Me - That is nasty??? A question... You tell me that was nasty.
Ex - It was nasty. Think about it.
Me - I asked if you got any checks in That was not nasty at all . you have an issue with me and hate spews out every time you communicate with me. I have $22.00 in my bank and am asking a question whether you received any checks so you can write me Oct. and Nov support check.
Ex – Well that’s a whole lot more than me
Me - All you needed to say was no... I am done!!!
Ex - I don't hide a thin f-cking dime from you quit being greedy
ME – Not saying you ever hid money - Insulting jerk.
Ex - So why the shltty greedy question? Think about it.
Me - I am asking a f-cking question if you happened to get any checks in. as usual, you turn this into another insulting name calling session. You are so nasty and cruel.
Ex - No. You did. "Hi did you get me any money". That's all you ever say to me. All you ever did say to me.
Me – Ok keep believing that.
Ex – Truth
Me - Ok believe what you want. I worked full time 16 years os this marriage. I made a home for you and your child and always gave from my heart 100% . I was a giver and you always took me for granted. You want to rewrite history by making me sound evil go ahead. We both know the truth.
Ex - Absloutely you did. Except when it came to $ you cut my balls right off.
Me – Sure ok
Ex – Just think about it. Other than that a fantastic month and wife no doubt.
Me- I guess that is why you had 2 affairs. Never once heard an apology from you for hurting me or DD. Gave you up for the life you craved. Grass always greenier till you get there. money and bills part of life. Thought we could get past the nasty comments but you still hate me and disrespect me with your insults.
Ex - Yes we can get past once you get over your obsession with $$$$$
Me - Ok rug sweep the affairs that severed all trust. you completly avoid the subject. You have been doing this for the last four years. No apology, no shame. But $ is my issue ok.. Believe what you want ENOUGH!



WTF??? Am i losing it or is he delusional. Thank god I get paid Wednesday.

Am I nuts???
 

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You had the answer to your question on his first reply. Yes he is being snarky to say the least but you let him escalate by playing along. You are not nuts, but don't even waste your time or energy on his drama, keep it business.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Lon - you are absolutely correct. I have been doing very well with no correspondence with him but the minute we converse on money, I need to learn to just turn off the grid when the snarky comments start.

Thanks for your view!
 

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Lon - you are absolutely correct. I have been doing very well with no correspondence with him but the minute we converse on money, I need to learn to just turn off the grid when the snarky comments start.

Thanks for your view!
I know it sucks... money is my main issue right now, and my ex has gotten a little snarky about child support payments - when she chose to end the marriage she said she wanted nothing, but its amazing how much reality affects her disposition when it comes to her expectations. Whatever, nothing she says nor how she says it can change a thing, I just go by what we've already agreed upon in our divorce decree.
 

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Only biz hon , nothing else . He's manipulator and change the subject all the time just to make you feel guilty . Here what should be your conversation with him:

You : Hi [name], I hope you're doing well and have a great month. Do you mind me asking you if you already send me the check ? Have a wonderful day .

Ex: No or whatever includes NO

You: Thank you very much for your time, in this case I'll let you deal with my lawyer . Yours [ your name ]

It will kill hem !
 

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yeah, I'd get in contact with state child support enforcement office, and perhaps they could garnish his wages so you don't have to deal with this every month.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Lon - Sorry you are dealing with $$ fights also. Sucks!!! STBX is self employed and has yet to file his financials. I have a lawyer but he has yet to get legal rep. Florida courts are pretty slow and lenient when dealing with self employed and support.

I am hoping to be done with this in the next 3 months and then have court handle the collections. At least he will be in arrears for all missed payments once this happens.

BigMac - thanks for the advice. You pegged him right - total manipulator. I know I need to just turn it off.
 

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It's not really "fights" it's just I'm having hard enough time making ends meet and I'm the responsible one... so this month when I couldn't pay support on the first (because my furnace broke two months ago and cost a grand to fix, and I was juggling the bills) and told her she had to wait until the 15th or else I was getting electricity cut off, she gives me the spiel about how our agreement is for the 1st of the month, and that she was kind by not going after me for spousal support, and that if I didn't pay her she would have to take legal matters... blah blah. I've been lazy with regards to taxes and applying for government status changes etc, but I'm the one who has always paid the way for my son, her lecturing is pointless and silly, it's not like a pattern, I've never once missed a payment, this is the first time I was late, but in the beginning she didn't even WANT my support, I was the one that chose to follow the provincial guidelines to protect myself, I'm glad I did or I'm sure I'd have gotten stuck having to do retro pay for the past year, once she blasted through the equity payment she received in the settlement.
 

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Best way to deal with angry people is the kindness , if you are nice, thankful and kind to him all the time he'll be ashamed to yell or to be nasty .

And only biz talk , nothing else , that will kill him too .

Good luck and stay strong !
 

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For me kindness begets sickening kindness (not really the genuine kind though) back from my ex, I'd rather have indifference from her, so that is what I try to give.
 

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I don't care if she think I'm genuine or not . But be nice and kind messes with her big time and she started to be extremely nice too ... and I have my way about the things she would say no , so yeah in my case it does wonders :)
 

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I know it sucks... money is my main issue right now, and my ex has gotten a little snarky about child support payments - when she chose to end the marriage she said she wanted nothing, but its amazing how much reality affects her disposition when it comes to her expectations. Whatever, nothing she says nor how she says it can change a thing, I just go by what we've already agreed upon in our divorce decree.
It's what she said she wanted.

You took her at her word.

Stay the course.



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Frustrated:

I think next time your opening salvo should be:

"STBXH, when can I expect Oct AND Nov child support checks?"
...then he will call you a nasty, greedy, be-yotch after which you reply
"I will let my attorney handle it then."
...end of discussion...

You are not being nasty/greedy/snotty, merely businesslike. He won't like being reduced to a 'business' item you need to deal with but, apparently, he doesn't like it when you're civil with him either. So, screw him!
 
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