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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For anyone who has read my original thread regarding my BPD/NPD wife, she called me on Sunday morning at 3:30 am. Didn't leave a message or anything... so I emailed her this morning and asked what she wanted... This crazy lady said she was missing me. This lady has put me through emotional hell for 3 years with cheating on me with her x, witholding sex and basically I allowed her to walk all over me... she moved out while I was at work and vanished... now 3 months later, she misses me?

I hate this. I am so in love with her I can't see straight... but she is toxic.

I am trying hard not to fall back into her trap..

Anyone else in this situation? Any advice?
 

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Advice.

If she is BPD/NPD and acted out through your relationship then do not see her. Go to no contact and file for divorce. You will get over the feeling of being in love.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Advice.

If she is BPD/NPD and acted out through your relationship then do not see her. Go to no contact and file for divorce. You will get over the feeling of being in love.
Neither of us can afford a divorce right now...

She acted out all the time in our relationship... I was married to a 'child princess'. I catered to her daily and she crapped all over me.

But the feelings I have for her are overpowering my sense of judgement.
 

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For anyone who has read my original thread regarding my BPD/NPD wife, she called me on Sunday morning at 3:30 am. Didn't leave a message or anything... so I emailed her this morning and asked what she wanted... This crazy lady said she was missing me. This lady has put me through emotional hell for 3 years with cheating on me with her x, witholding sex and basically I allowed her to walk all over me... she moved out while I was at work and vanished... now 3 months later, she misses me?

I hate this. I am so in love with her I can't see straight... but she is toxic.

I am trying hard not to fall back into her trap..

Anyone else in this situation? Any advice?
She goes to IC.

If you think you might still want to work it out with her, schedule some time to interact with her.

If she is improving, suggest MC.

She needs to fix herself (and you likely do to as well), before R can even be a possibility.

If you rugs weep, expect more of the same in no time.
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For anyone who has read my original thread regarding my BPD/NPD wife, she called me on Sunday morning at 3:30 am. Didn't leave a message or anything... so I emailed her this morning and asked what she wanted... This crazy lady said she was missing me. This lady has put me through emotional hell for 3 years with cheating on me with her x, witholding sex and basically I allowed her to walk all over me... she moved out while I was at work and vanished... now 3 months later, she misses me?

I hate this. I am so in love with her I can't see straight... but she is toxic.

I am trying hard not to fall back into her trap..

Anyone else in this situation? Any advice?
She goes to IC.

If you think you might still want to work it out with her, schedule some time to interact with her.

If she is improving, suggest MC.

She needs to fix herself (and you likely do to as well), before R can even be a possibility.

If you rugsweep, expect more of the same in no time.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
If you know she is toxic and it is a toxic relationship, why would you do that to yourself???
Good question... my codependence. She knows she has huge emotional issues and can't seem to resolve them.. I know she never will. She 52.

Still I am madly in love with her.. I try to 'fix' it and I know that I can't ... I know I am weak when It comes to her.
 

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Neither of us can afford a divorce right now...

She acted out all the time in our relationship... I was married to a 'child princess'. I catered to her daily and she crapped all over me.

But the feelings I have for her are overpowering my sense of judgement.
The two of you have been marrie for 3 years? She is not living with you so obviously you can each support your selves?

How can you not afford divorce?

With such a sort term marriage you can do the divorce yourself.

I did mine in March 2012. It cost me a whopping $135.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
She has tried counseling in the past and it did no good.. she has tons of emotional baggage, abandonment issues, etc, etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
The two of you have been marrie for 3 years? She is not living with you so obviously you can each support your selves?

How can you not afford divorce?

With such a sort term marriage you can do the divorce yourself.

I did mine in March 2012. It cost me a whopping $135.
I moved to a really crappy apartment when she left.. I couldn't afford the one we were in together.. I have a lot of debt and I really don't want this divorce.

I know it sound stupid, but I don't want to pay..
 

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You know that you cannot fix her. You can only change how you interact with her.

She's 52, what you see is what you get.
 

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I moved to a really crappy apartment when she left.. I couldn't afford the one we were in together.. I have a lot of debt and I really don't want this divorce.

I know it sound stupid, but I don't want to pay..
You do not want to pay what?
 

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I moved to a really crappy apartment when she left.. I couldn't afford the one we were in together.. I have a lot of debt and I really don't want this divorce.

I know it sound stupid, but I don't want to pay..
If this is true that you dont want the divorce then what is the problem ??? 2 choices here 1. acceptance of how you will be treated from here on out or 2. do something different which is what ele girl is referring to remember Nothing changes nothing changes
 

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Good question... my codependence. She knows she has huge emotional issues and can't seem to resolve them.. I know she never will. She 52.

Still I am madly in love with her.. I try to 'fix' it and I know that I can't ... I know I am weak when It comes to her.
I don't think you are madly in love with her. If you were, you would be able to list more than "its just something about her" in your reasons as to why you love her. I think you are a 'fixer' and have a 'white knight' complex and her having so many problems is very attractive to you. B/c you WANT to fix her.

She has tried counseling in the past and it did no good.. she has tons of emotional baggage, abandonment issues, etc, etc.
Again, more reasons for you to want to be with her, to "fix" her.

It just something about her... she is very attractive for one.. and when she isn't 'acting' out she is very charming...
Charming is part of the whole NPD persona. And just b/c you are attracted to someone does not mean you are "in love" with them.

Are you in IC? It sounds like you know she is bad for you and the relationship is bad but the urge to "fix" her is outweighing any rationality at this point on what is best FOR YOU.
 

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This lady has put me through emotional hell for 3 years with cheating on me with her x, witholding sex and basically I allowed her to walk all over me... she moved out while I was at work and vanished... now 3 months later, she misses me?
Forget you knew this girl, change your number if you have to, do not reinsert yourself into that hell. Think about this, she called at 3:30am, someone just dumped on her, she reached out for a bandage. You're a bandage, understand? How insulting is that? You're a thing to patch her boo boo, poor baby. Don't ever, ever call her back again. You aren't available. 3 damned 30 in the damned morning, seriously?

T
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
You do not want to pay what?
For the divorce... I have already spent all kinds of money on her, trying to keep her happy... She makes a lot more that I do but her and her money are soon parted.. She 'buys' stuff all the time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Forget you knew this girl, change your number if you have to, do not reinsert yourself into that hell. Think about this, she called at 3:30am, someone just dumped on her, she reached out for a bandage. You're a bandage, understand? How insulting is that? You're a thing to patch her boo boo, poor baby. Don't ever, ever call her back again. You aren't available. 3 damned 30 in the damned morning, seriously?

T
I told her I was seeing someone.. she just called from her work about 30 minutes ago crying telling me she is still in love with me.
 
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