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Discussion Starter · #162 ·
I think he likes the way his wife is, with her big boobs and high sex drive, unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be enough for her. To me, it sounds like the wife has big mental issues, because hers is not really standard behaviour. Especially by a married person with kids.
I like many things about my wife's sexuality. I like her high sex drive, I like how confident she is, I like her body and I don't even mind that other men look at her. Her sexual history is something I've come to accept, I think. Given her high sex drive, and confidence with sex, it's really inevitable that she would have been with a lot of guys. If she'd have slept with, maybe 50 guys, then I know a lot of guys would have a problem with it, but I would have taken it in my stride I think. But knowing over 50 guys was most likely a year number of guys, for over 10 years.... well, it's a bit much. I understand that most men would have a problem with this, but I strive to be more reasonable and understanding than most men.

But, even though I like her sexuality, I don't think that means I need to accept cheating, if it happened. And that is what prompted the post. I know there are "red flags", but I also have the context of knowing her, and having an idea of when she is lying and when she is telling the truth.

I'm currently not totally convince either way, but I'm leaning on the side of she told a silly lie last week, so that I wouldn't worry, and I immediately realised it. She wants to be professional at this job, and I don't want derail that for her.

Sorry if I offended you all, I'm not calling you all misogynist, but I'm just trying not to use a women's sexuality as a way to devalue her, or paint her as inherently untrustworthy.
 

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I like many things about my wife's sexuality. I like her high sex drive, I like how confident she is, I like her body and I don't even mind that other men look at her. Her sexual history is something I've come to accept, I think. Given her high sex drive, and confidence with sex, it's really inevitable that she would have been with a lot of guys. If she'd have slept with, maybe 50 guys, then I know a lot of guys would have a problem with it, but I would have taken it in my stride I think. But knowing over 50 guys was most likely a year number of guys, for over 10 years.... well, it's a bit much. I understand that most men would have a problem with this, but I strive to be more reasonable and understanding than most men.

But, even though I like her sexuality, I don't think that means I need to accept cheating, if it happened. And that is what prompted the post. I know there are "red flags", but I also have the context of knowing her, and having an idea of when she is lying and when she is telling the truth.

I'm currently not totally convince either way, but I'm leaning on the side of she told a silly lie last week, so that I wouldn't worry, and I immediately realised it. She wants to be professional at this job, and I don't want derail that for her.

Sorry if I offended you all, I'm not calling you all misogynist, but I'm just trying not to use a women's sexuality as a way to devalue her, or paint her as inherently untrustworthy.
I don't have a problem with your acceptance of your wife's character, to be honest... as I said, keep your eyes peeled and ears to the ground... :)
 

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I like many things about my wife's sexuality. I like her high sex drive, I like how confident she is, I like her body and I don't even mind that other men look at her. Her sexual history is something I've come to accept, I think. Given her high sex drive, and confidence with sex, it's really inevitable that she would have been with a lot of guys. If she'd have slept with, maybe 50 guys, then I know a lot of guys would have a problem with it, but I would have taken it in my stride I think. But knowing over 50 guys was most likely a year number of guys, for over 10 years.... well, it's a bit much. I understand that most men would have a problem with this, but I strive to be more reasonable and understanding than most men.

But, even though I like her sexuality, I don't think that means I need to accept cheating, if it happened. And that is what prompted the post. I know there are "red flags", but I also have the context of knowing her, and having an idea of when she is lying and when she is telling the truth.

I'm currently not totally convince either way, but I'm leaning on the side of she told a silly lie last week, so that I wouldn't worry, and I immediately realised it. She wants to be professional at this job, and I don't want derail that for her.

Sorry if I offended you all, I'm not calling you all misogynist, but I'm just trying not to use a women's sexuality as a way to devalue her, or paint her as inherently untrustworthy.
You say you want to be more reasonable and understanding that most men. The reason most people wouldnt want a partner who had slept with hundreds of people, many many times probable as ons, is because it's unlikely she will ever settle with one man. It can happen occasionally if they is a massive change of heart, but it's hard to see that in her. She lies and decieves easily. She appears to have few boundaries with the opposite sex. She does stupid risky things.
It's not about devaluing her, it's about acknowledging that some people are never going to be faithful partners.
 

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I know there are "red flags", but I also have the context of knowing her, and having an idea of when she is lying and when she is telling the truth.
Many many many times before these words were uttered by men & women, only to be crushed later by their spouse.
In fact, I can't recall a single time that it didn't work out that way.

There's an active thread right now on TAM where the man has a really hopeful, optimistic, wife-believing outlook, but is ignoring advice and chose to believe his sweet little innocent wife.
Until Dday. Then he was crushed.

Wake up friend.
 
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Discussion Starter · #169 ·
Many many many times before these words were uttered by men & women, only to be crushed later by their spouse.
In fact, I can't recall a single time that it didn't work out that way.

There's an active thread right now on TAM where the man has a really hopeful, optimistic, wife-believing outlook, but is ignoring advice and chose to believe his sweet little innocent wife.
Until Dday. Then he was crushed.

Wake up friend.
Can you point me in the direction of that thread? Thanks
 

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Can you point me in the direction of that thread? Thanks
Sure. Here's the link.

And here's his heartbreaking last post.
Me culpa.

You were all right.

I was wrong.

I don't think there is a way back from this for us.

Devestated.

 

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We met online. We lived a long way from each other. We chatted for months before we met up.
Any insight into why she went from wanting a new sexual partner pretty much every week for a decade to settling down with one man? Do you know of you are her first real long term relationship? It seems like she
lived a life of NSA sex only for a long time.
 

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but I also have the context of knowing her, and having an idea of when she is lying and when she is telling the truth.

I'm currently not totally convince either way, but I'm leaning on the side of she told a silly lie last week, so that I wouldn't worry, and I immediately realised it. She wants to be professional at this job, and I don't want derail that for her.


Sorry if I offended you all, I'm not calling you all misogynist, but I'm just trying not to use a women's sexuality as a way to devalue her, or paint her as inherently untrustworthy.
As respectfully as I can say this:
You’re thinking that you know when she’s lying? Of course you do, it’s easy. It’s when her lips are moving.
There’s many men that come to this site every single day (I was one) that thought they knew their wives well and later found out they were being lied to for years.

As to the last paragraph in red: From the outside unaffected by emotions, looking in—— you are just plain old in denial of reality.
There is no chance your wife wasn’t hooking up with at least one of these men and based on her history, probably both.

Being married to a nymphomaniac is great, until you realize pretty much zero nymphomaniacs are monogamous.

You have two choices: learn to tolerate your wife being with other men, or move on.
 

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Any insight into why she went from wanting a new sexual partner pretty much every week for a decade to settling down with one man? Do you know of you are her first real long term relationship? It seems like she
lived a life of NSA sex only for a long time.
I can only speak for me but the answer to this is easy. Time to have a couple kids and a settled lifestyle. Why else would anyone get married ?
 
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Discussion Starter · #174 ·
Any insight into why she went from wanting a new sexual partner pretty much every week for a decade to settling down with one man? Do you know of you are her first real long term relationship? It seems like she
lived a life of NSA sex only for a long time.
I'm not her first long term relationship. She's had a number of boyfriends ranging from months to years. Most of them were abusive and not nice people by the sounds of it. She has admitted that she has cheated on almost every guy she's dated. I know that is a massive red flag, but she said she only cheated on the horrible abusive ones, and if she was cheating on me, why would she be honest like that in a way that calls it out?

She was at her late 20's and I guess priorities change and she wanted to get her life on track. My hope is that she had never met a nice guy that treated her well and with respect, like I did.

We lived a long way from each other and met online, chatting to each other for a few months before we met up. The less charitable possibility is that she had burned so many bridges in the area that she lived in, that the idea of leaving it all behind and starting fresh, with a nice guy, was a good escape for her.

The worst way to see it, which I admit I thought about a few times, is that she had literally slept with every available guy in the area, and I was her way to move to a place where no one knew her history or reputation.
 

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Most of them were abusive and not nice people by the sounds of it. She has admitted that she has cheated on almost every guy she's dated. I know that is a massive red flag, but she said she only cheated on the horrible abusive ones, and if she was cheating on me, why would she be honest like that in a way that calls it out?
Sounds like how my ex wife described every one of her ex boyfriends and like you by her description, I too thought she was justified in cheating on these scumbags until later when I met one of these "scumbags" who turned out to be an actual nice guy I had a lot in common with. Yep, I should left her for her lies right there, but it took her adultery to finally get me to kick her to the curb.

I'm sure her next boyfriend was told what a terrible scumbag I was as well and that I deserved to be cheated on.

You have the word of a woman who just the other night lied to you to spend the evening with not one, but two other men doing whatever, but having had to lie for it to you can not bode well for your best interests. You have the word of a liar.

The best liars give you just enough of the truth for you to not suspect the true extent of the lie.

Sorry had to chirp in on that on, now back to my popcorn.
 

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Sorry if I offended you all, I'm not calling you all misogynist, but I'm just trying not to use a women's sexuality as a way to devalue her, or paint her as inherently untrustworthy.
From my perspective having married and divorced a nymphomaniac and having a coparenting arrangement with her...

Her untrustworthiness is nothing to do with her past, it's everything to do with her lying to your face to this day. I don't know why you are ignoring that, instead thinking that we are all judging her based on her past.

PS nymphos can be monogamous, loyal and trustworthy although very much insatiable sexually, yours just doesn't seem like one I'm afraid.
 

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but I also have the context of knowing her, and having an idea of when she is lying and when she is telling the truth.

I'm currently not totally convince either way, but I'm leaning on the side of she told a silly lie last week, so that I wouldn't worry, and I immediately realised it. She wants to be professional at this job, and I don't want derail that for her.
Well SHE LIED flat out to you saying she got a cab home when it was two guys that she will be working with. LIE -- could you tell that when she said it?
You don't want to derail her job, but you are OK with her being around two guys at work who a)have probably seen her boobs up close and personal, and b) there is a VERy good chance that she had sex with at least one of them.
 

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Being married to a nymphomaniac is great, until you realize pretty much zero nymphomaniacs are monogamous.
Perhaps, I only know one though and she's even more trustworthy than me.

I'm not her first long term relationship. She's had a number of boyfriends ranging from months to years. Most of them were abusive and not nice people by the sounds of it. She has admitted that she has cheated on almost every guy she's dated. I know that is a massive red flag, but she said she only cheated on the horrible abusive ones, and if she was cheating on me, why would she be honest like that in a way that calls it out?

She was at her late 20's and I guess priorities change and she wanted to get her life on track. My hope is that she had never met a nice guy that treated her well and with respect, like I did.

We lived a long way from each other and met online, chatting to each other for a few months before we met up. The less charitable possibility is that she had burned so many bridges in the area that she lived in, that the idea of leaving it all behind and starting fresh, with a nice guy, was a good escape for her.

The worst way to see it, which I admit I thought about a few times, is that she had literally slept with every available guy in the area, and I was her way to move to a place where no one knew her history or reputation.
Yeah sounds familiar, my ex found her escape in religion, yet then I became her escape within her religion although I wasn't a 'nice guy', but one I guess who she thought wouldn't judge her - and she was right, I'm more forgiving of people's past due my criminal youth.

We live in the big city and she was an escort so despite the numbers it's quite different to your scenario, like she didn't fk everyone in her suburb for instance.

So I guess our situation is much different to yours where she learnt how to abstain until she could unleash compared to your wife.
 

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I'm not her first long term relationship. She's had a number of boyfriends ranging from months to years. Most of them were abusive and not nice people by the sounds of it. She has admitted that she has cheated on almost every guy she's dated. I know that is a massive red flag, but she said she only cheated on the horrible abusive ones, and if she was cheating on me, why would she be honest like that in a way that calls it out?

She was at her late 20's and I guess priorities change and she wanted to get her life on track. My hope is that she had never met a nice guy that treated her well and with respect, like I did.
Do the numbers really add up though? Late 20, let's say she's been "active" since 15. To get to a thousand, you're talking 66 guys/year. Subtract from that months-to-years of maybe-stable relationships, the number goes higher-still. Maybe a new guy every 3 days.

I seriously don't believe a woman could survive that pace intact, mentally or physically. On the physical side, accidental pregnancy, STDs, STDs, STDs, STDs... statistically, is it even possible she wouldn't have herpes? Even HIV would have been darned near impossible to avoid. She's had drinking issues the whole time, so the idea of consistent protected sex goes out the window. On the mental side, her sense of self-worth would have to take a beating when, as someone mentioned, she'd be seen as the "town bicycle." Ready and available.

So unless she was on an implantable birth control method (because no way would she have been in a position to consistently remember to take a pill, or insist on a condom), I don't think her story, or at perhaps the story being spun here, holds up. So now I'm wondering if there's a reason a woman would try to fabricate a Wilt Chamberlain-type of existence. The real story may not be a good one, but the story being told may be a bizarre way of trying to make recent incidences of infidelity seem like a fly in the ointment.
 

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You have the word of a woman who just the other night lied to you to spend the evening with not one, but two other men doing whatever, but having had to lie for it to you can not bode well for your best interests. You have the word of a liar.

The best liars give you just enough of the truth for you to not suspect the true extent of the lie.
Its getting a little frustrating trying to explain to him that a liar lying to his face at present is well, a liar...

Which has nothing to do with her past :rolleyes:

But I guess some facts are too hard to swallow because to act on it is too difficult.
 
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