^^^This. Its never really posted about on TAM, but I have seen it happen in real life. Sometimes a crush that someone has might as well be defined as a one way EA. They become so obsessed that they can actually start looking down at their spouse. They do this because they get so caught up in the fantasy of what it would be like to be with their crush. I don't really see this as gender specific but as an employer I've seen it happen from time to time. Just my theory but I think what happens is they initially find the person physically attractive. Then just because the person is being nice to them (they are co-workers after all), they somehow get totally fixated and start obsessing about what it would be like to be with them.My super fast $0.02. Your wife is obsessed with her ex-boss and most likely lies through her teeth as to why she was fired.
I see this kind of thing in my employees from time to time. No one likes to believe their spouse is advertising for an affair. We like to think they were seduced or somehow coerced into it by the POSOM. But thats not how it always works. Its just as likely that a potential POSOM is picking up a vibe from the potential wayward wife. I'd be curious to find out what the manager's impression of the OP's home life is. Fairly certain his wife painted a bleak picture. People come to work complaining about their spouses to their crushes in the hopes of getting their attention. I once traveled with one of my female execs with just us two. All she did the whole time was complain about her husband, it was so obvious what she was trying to do. Eventually she did have an affair. Once someone starts shopping for an affair. They tend to not stop until they find a taker. The OP's former boss is clearly not interested, however that doesn't mean there still aren't issues that need to be resolved here.