Talk About Marriage banner

21 - 40 of 40 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,263 Posts
My super fast $0.02. Your wife is obsessed with her ex-boss and most likely lies through her teeth as to why she was fired.
^^^This. Its never really posted about on TAM, but I have seen it happen in real life. Sometimes a crush that someone has might as well be defined as a one way EA. They become so obsessed that they can actually start looking down at their spouse. They do this because they get so caught up in the fantasy of what it would be like to be with their crush. I don't really see this as gender specific but as an employer I've seen it happen from time to time. Just my theory but I think what happens is they initially find the person physically attractive. Then just because the person is being nice to them (they are co-workers after all), they somehow get totally fixated and start obsessing about what it would be like to be with them.

I see this kind of thing in my employees from time to time. No one likes to believe their spouse is advertising for an affair. We like to think they were seduced or somehow coerced into it by the POSOM. But thats not how it always works. Its just as likely that a potential POSOM is picking up a vibe from the potential wayward wife. I'd be curious to find out what the manager's impression of the OP's home life is. Fairly certain his wife painted a bleak picture. People come to work complaining about their spouses to their crushes in the hopes of getting their attention. I once traveled with one of my female execs with just us two. All she did the whole time was complain about her husband, it was so obvious what she was trying to do. Eventually she did have an affair. Once someone starts shopping for an affair. They tend to not stop until they find a taker. The OP's former boss is clearly not interested, however that doesn't mean there still aren't issues that need to be resolved here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,307 Posts
The OP's former boss is clearly not interested, however that doesn't mean there still aren't issues that need to be resolved here.
Or they did have something going and it became a problem at work, so she was let go. Frankly, every time I have seem something similar happen the boss, if they're any good at their job, will be kept on as the "problem employee" can be more easily replaced.

If she's this unhinged at home 5 months after being fired, I can only imagine how she must have behaved at work in the thick of it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,888 Posts
Or they did have something going and it became a problem at work, so she was let go. Frankly, every time I have seem something similar happen the boss, if they're any good at their job, will be kept on as the "problem employee" can be more easily replaced.

If she's this unhinged at home 5 months after being fired, I can only imagine how she must have behaved at work in the thick of it.
I'd put my money here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,964 Posts
"Is this legal where you live?" ask Blondi.

He needs to check with Mr. Roarke.


If she's this unhinged at home 5 months after being fired, I can only imagine how she must have behaved at work in the thick of it.
If the boss wasn't interested, her in the stock room with him was probably similar to him being in a MMA boxing cage with a woman world "champeen". A lot of guys would have simply banged her brains out. If he didn't, its not her fault he's missed out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,840 Posts
"Is this legal where you live?" ask Blondi.

He needs to check with Mr. Roarke.




If the boss wasn't interested, her in the stock room with him was probably similar to him being in a MMA boxing cage with a woman world "champeen". A lot of guys would have simply banged her brains out. If he didn't, its not her fault he's missed out.
LOL.:wink2:
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,980 Posts
What is compelling to anyone, is what you allow it to be.

Dreams can be most compelling, as they have no solid boots, but can have soiled roots.

As such, they can float about and take shape, newly and daily.

This wife, her mind is fixated on something, most likely that Bosnian man.

As mentioned, that something is connected, first to her mind, then to her hand.

She escapes her 'perceived' marital prison, and quenches her wants, in bed, this, never too late at night.

She is not alone in this, others find that well traveled path, it moistened with needful lust.

...................................................................

Note, and this thought, aside:

When humans masturbate, many need a face to stroke to. She appears to be using the old district manager's likeness.
No so in vain, in plain sight.

He MAY only serve this purpose.

Her crush for him might be past, but her need of relief keeps him, and his face, fast handy.
A big 'if' here.


The fact that she regularly services herself is a sign that her marriage is not 'intimately' sufficient.

She is more high desire, HD, than supposed.
A common thing, this.

Umm, Mr. 'Lichen', leave that dark, cave-way of thinking and jump on it!


The Typist-
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
Discussion Starter #27
Well. Time for an update apparently. And to all of you, thanks for the replies and great advice.

6 days ago I confronted her about my worries.
That didn't go as expected and I have to admit. I'm both relieved but also not sure what to make of it.
She said that she had the feeling that I was snooping aroundin her private stuff so she had been searching for her boss, just to make me make a mistake and get caught in the act.
Which she had suspected had happened for 6 months. Which is impressive seeing as I only started being suspicious about 2 and a half months ago.
She told that she wanted to see if I had been through her pc, mails and more and she decided not to clear her browser history history on purpose.

So I thought she was being careless and instead she wanted to set a trap for me.
Now she had put on a password for the pc, changed the Google password too but not her Facebook.
I kinda believe her and yet I'm just not strong enough to let it go, as it felt a bit easy.

But I can tell that "The typist" has a point with her high need. There has been a lot more sex so yeah. Thanks for the advice.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,244 Posts
Well. Time for an update apparently. And to all of you, thanks for the replies and great advice.

6 days ago I confronted her about my worries.
That didn't go as expected and I have to admit. I'm both relieved but also not sure what to make of it.
She said that she had the feeling that I was snooping aroundin her private stuff so she had been searching for her boss, just to make me make a mistake and get caught in the act.
Which she had suspected had happened for 6 months. Which is impressive seeing as I only started being suspicious about 2 and a half months ago.
She told that she wanted to see if I had been through her pc, mails and more and she decided not to clear her browser history history on purpose.

So I thought she was being careless and instead she wanted to set a trap for me.
Now she had put on a password for the pc, changed the Google password too but not her Facebook.
I kinda believe her and yet I'm just not strong enough to let it go, as it felt a bit easy.

But I can tell that "The typist" has a point with her high need. There has been a lot more sex so yeah. Thanks for the advice.
The Bolded above -- I don't buy it. She was suspicious of you snooping, so she MASTURBATED to her Boss' Facebook pics JUST to set you up? Umm, WHAT? Don't think so.
I think when she found out you HAD snooped, then she made up this story about not clearing her cache, etc..
NOW of course she knows you DID catch her, so she changed her PC password and Google password so that you can't look anymore?
If YOU were suspicious, SHE should have handed over EVERYTHING and say -- go ahead and look. I have nothing to hide.
She did the opposite.
I hate to say this, but I don't think you are in the clear here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,753 Posts
Lies and gaslighting, is being served up to you.

1. They tell blatant lies.

You know it's an outright lie. Yet they are telling you this lie with a straight face. Why are they so blatant? Because they're setting up a precedent. Once they tell you a huge lie, you're not sure if anything they say is true. Keeping you unsteady and off-kilter is the goal.


2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.

You know they said they would do something; you know you heard it. But they out and out deny it. It makes you start questioning your reality—maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do this, the more you question your reality and start accepting theirs.


3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.

They know how important your kids are to you, and they know how important your identity is to you. So those may be one of the first things they attack. If you have kids, they tell you that you should not have had those children. They will tell you'd be a worthy person if only you didn't have a long list of negative traits. They attack the foundation of your being.


4. They wear you down over time.

This is one of the insidious things about gaslighting—it is done gradually, over time. A lie here, a lie there, a snide comment every so often...and then it starts ramping up. Even the brightest, most self-aware people can be sucked into gaslighting—it is that effective. It's the "frog in the frying pan" analogy: The heat is turned up slowly, so the frog never realizes what's happening to it.

5. Their actions do not match their words.

When dealing with a person or entity that gaslights, look at what they are doing rather than what they are saying. What they are saying means nothing; it is just talk. What they are doing is the issue.

6. They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you.

This person or entity that is cutting you down, telling you that you don't have value, is now praising you for something you did. This adds an additional sense of uneasiness. You think, "Well maybe they aren't so bad." Yes, they are. This is a calculated attempt to keep you off-kilter—and again, to question your reality. Also look at what you were praised for; it is probably something that served the gaslighter.

they are constantly accusing you of that. This is done so often that you start trying to defend yourself, and are distracted from the gaslighter's own behavior.

9. They try to align people against you.

Gaslighters are masters at manipulating and finding the people they know will stand by them no matter what—and they use these people against you. They will make comments such as, "This person knows that you're not right," or "This person knows you're useless too." Keep in mind it does not mean that these people actually said these things. A gaslighter is a constant liar. When the gaslighter uses this tactic it makes you feel like you don't know who to trust or turn to—and that leads you right back to the gaslighter. And that's exactly what they want: Isolation gives them more control.

10. They tell you or others that you are crazy.

This is one of the most effective tools of the gaslighter, because it's dismissive. The gaslighter knows if they question your sanity, people will not believe you when you tell them the gaslighter is abusive or out-of-control. It's a master technique.

11. They tell you everyone else is a liar.


By telling you that everyone else (your family, the media) is a liar, it again makes you question your reality. You've never known someone with the audacity to do this, so they must be telling the truth, right? No. It's a manipulation technique. It makes people turn to the gaslighter for the "correct" information—which isn't correct information at all.


The more you are aware of these techniques, the quicker you can identify them and avoid falling into the gaslighter's trap.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,244 Posts
@Tilted 1, THIS SHOULD BE A STICKY! Hey TAM, is there a "reference" section that could be setup for stuff like this -- add the 180, a few of the "how to investigate" threads, etc.??
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,224 Posts
Well. Time for an update apparently. And to all of you, thanks for the replies and great advice.

6 days ago I confronted her about my worries.
That didn't go as expected and I have to admit. I'm both relieved but also not sure what to make of it.
She said that she had the feeling that I was snooping aroundin her private stuff so she had been searching for her boss, just to make me make a mistake and get caught in the act.
Which she had suspected had happened for 6 months. Which is impressive seeing as I only started being suspicious about 2 and a half months ago.
She told that she wanted to see if I had been through her pc, mails and more and she decided not to clear her browser history history on purpose.

Fiction writing at it's best. Don't believe a word of it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19,108 Posts
She said that she had the feeling that I was snooping aroundin her private stuff so she had been searching for her boss, just to make me make a mistake and get caught in the act.
Which she had suspected had happened for 6 months. Which is impressive seeing as I only started being suspicious about 2 and a half months ago.
She told that she wanted to see if I had been through her pc, mails and more and she decided not to clear her browser history history on purpose.
Lol, that's just about the lamest lie I've ever heard, and I've heard a lot of them.

Dude, what she is saying is making zero sense and just totally fails the good old occam's razor test for one.

The flip side of this is of course that your response to this has been to go all spy vs spy on her and put cameras up everwhere.

This whole thing is massively spiraling out of control and I suggest you both just take a break from this. She's obviously cheating and you're obviously not reacting to that well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
312 Posts
Well. Time for an update apparently. And to all of you, thanks for the replies and great advice.

6 days ago I confronted her about my worries.
That didn't go as expected and I have to admit. I'm both relieved but also not sure what to make of it.
She said that she had the feeling that I was snooping aroundin her private stuff so she had been searching for her boss, just to make me make a mistake and get caught in the act.
Which she had suspected had happened for 6 months. Which is impressive seeing as I only started being suspicious about 2 and a half months ago.
She told that she wanted to see if I had been through her pc, mails and more and she decided not to clear her browser history history on purpose.

So I thought she was being careless and instead she wanted to set a trap for me.
Now she had put on a password for the pc, changed the Google password too but not her Facebook.
I kinda believe her and yet I'm just not strong enough to let it go, as it felt a bit easy.

But I can tell that "The typist" has a point with her high need. There has been a lot more sex so yeah. Thanks for the advice.
Well, she has a talent for taking her pile of poo, rewhipping it up, and serving you a poo panini.
That explanation simply does not pass the smell test.
If she can't dazzle you with brilliance, she is going to whip you with the kitty.
Flip it back on her. Give her a 180 and put the burden on her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,642 Posts
that is not a trap its gas lightening.....clearing what she has demonstrated is that instead of trying to clarify to help you she has done just the opposite and you should be clear that her actions means that your trust in her is gone...there should be complete transparency there is definitely something going on and you are being sand bagged.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
Discussion Starter #35
Fiction writing at it's best. Don't believe a word of it.
Her reply or the whole situation thing?
I really do wish it was just a good house-wife cheating story though. This is just friggin uncomfortable.
She has told me that she was good at lying to her parents, about her whereabouts and small stuff, when she was a teenager because she hated her dad. I don't really expect that to help her cause.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
Discussion Starter #36
that is not a trap its gas lightening.....clearing what she has demonstrated is that instead of trying to clarify to help you she has done just the opposite and you should be clear that her actions means that your trust in her is gone...there should be complete transparency there is definitely something going on and you are being sand bagged.

She introduced me to G L by telling me, that I was doing it towards her during an argument a year ago. Never heard of it till then. And it could sound like you have a point here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
Discussion Starter #37
Lol, that's just about the lamest lie I've ever heard, and I've heard a lot of them.

Dude, what she is saying is making zero sense and just totally fails the good old occam's razor test for one.

The flip side of this is of course that your response to this has been to go all spy vs spy on her and put cameras up everwhere.

This whole thing is massively spiraling out of control and I suggest you both just take a break from this. She's obviously cheating and you're obviously not reacting to that well.

Yeah.. We have to decide who is the better spy.. :p But you are completely right. I do feel like my brain is in a circus from time to time.
And I actually have considered moving out a few times. Or take a vacation on my own.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
Discussion Starter #38
The Bolded above -- I don't buy it. She was suspicious of you snooping, so she MASTURBATED to her Boss' Facebook pics JUST to set you up? Umm, WHAT? Don't think so.
I think when she found out you HAD snooped, then she made up this story about not clearing her cache, etc..
NOW of course she knows you DID catch her, so she changed her PC password and Google password so that you can't look anymore?
If YOU were suspicious, SHE should have handed over EVERYTHING and say -- go ahead and look. I have nothing to hide.
She did the opposite.
I hate to say this, but I don't think you are in the clear here.

It's funny now you mention it. In the very beginning of all of this, she actually seemed to be transparent about it. She said that we could look through her stuff together if I was unsure. And then it went the other way after a little while.
I believe that she's just waiting for me to be all like "why you put on a password?". Unlike her I'm way more patient and I know quite a few ways to gain access to her pc but I want her to relax a bit more now that we had the confrontation.

And if she got suspicious I could let her gain access to my stuff without worrying.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19,108 Posts
Yeah.. We have to decide who is the better spy.. :p But you are completely right. I do feel like my brain is in a circus from time to time.
And I actually have considered moving out a few times. Or take a vacation on my own.
Stop spying. You have what you need.

Start acting based on that knowledge instead.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,888 Posts
Stop spying. You have what you need.

Start acting based on that knowledge instead.
While ordinarily I would agree with you on this, based on the pathetic load of crap he fell for I think he's going to need to at least walk in on them in flagrante delicto to act.

Well. Time for an update apparently. And to all of you, thanks for the replies and great advice.

6 days ago I confronted her about my worries.
That didn't go as expected and I have to admit. I'm both relieved but also not sure what to make of it.
She said that she had the feeling that I was snooping aroundin her private stuff so she had been searching for her boss, just to make me make a mistake and get caught in the act.
Which she had suspected had happened for 6 months. Which is impressive seeing as I only started being suspicious about 2 and a half months ago.
She told that she wanted to see if I had been through her pc, mails and more and she decided not to clear her browser history history on purpose.

So I thought she was being careless and instead she wanted to set a trap for me.
Now she had put on a password for the pc, changed the Google password too but not her Facebook.
I kinda believe her and yet I'm just not strong enough to let it go, as it felt a bit easy.

But I can tell that "The typist" has a point with her high need. There has been a lot more sex so yeah. Thanks for the advice.
 
21 - 40 of 40 Posts
Top