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G'day,

On my previous thread I asked for advice regarding getting over infidelity. I took the advice of the people that advised me, the consensus was to move on. My best buddy recommends the same thing (he knows me best) but my Mum thinks I should stay. I have been separated now for 6-8 months and I have tried to reconcile. Please see the previous threads for more information (if you have the time that is - any advise really appreciated).

So I told my wife that there is no other way but divorce but I still want to be part of her life and help her, she said marriage or nothing. I am way too frightened to move back into the house after what happened last time, it was almost it for me back there - what am I supposed to do?

So my wife just started crying on the phone - I had NEVER heard her cry in the whole relationship. I reminded her that I was the one in tears on the kitchen floor about 4 times begging her not to ask me to go when she did in the past. When I did go she does it!

Anyway it broke my heart and I couldn't stand it, I couldn't stand to hear her so upset and in mental pain. She was a freaking mess I have never heard her like this before. I could not bear it so I said that we will continue to work on things then on SMS after the call. It was killing me, she immediately started sending me texts how she loves me and how she misses the small things I do like crinkle my nose, the jokes I tell, how I make her laugh and make her feel safe. I felt so bad.

I don't know what to freaking do. I just am not ready to move back in after what happened last time. I can't face it, it was 3 months of mental health hell with her being distant and wanting me out. Man for my own self preservation I cannot move back in to that house because of the memories.

Can someone please help me. I have been taking the advise here on the forum and I need some more, has anyone been through anything like this before? Maybe she realized she does love me after I left but that doesn't change the fact that the marriage may not work out, if we fall back into old habits it definitely won't.

I have NEVER had a woman try this hard to get me back EVER. I have never had a woman apparently love me this much, this is so painful. I don't know what to do.
 

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Right now you're feeling the emotional squeeze and are compelled to act.

Don't act. Don't do anything.

Send her a text asking for space so you can make a good decision. Ask her not to contact you till she hears from you. Promise yourself not to read her texts or answer her calls for several days.

Once you've had time and are separated from the baggage she wants you to carry again, you can be clearer about what YOU want and how likely it is you'll get it.

So sorry for what you're going through.
 

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Well that was helpful. It's only manipulation if it works.
 

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Start by interacting with your wife according to the 180 (see link in my signagure block below). Have as little contact with her as possible.

When/if she tries to have emotional talks with you just say that you do not want to talk about it at this time. Then tell her good bye and hang up. Or if in person, walk away.

Just stop having any contact that is not 100% necessary.

If you want a divorce, file for divorce. And again.. do not talk to her. Let your attorney handle it.
 

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Hi, Matt!

Okay, people, these are Matt's PREVIOUS threads (in chrono order): 1st & 2nd are fairly short, 3rd one quite long (43 responses). Now you're caught up on the situation, and can advise coherently.

[Matt: might make it easier if you just keep going on your previous thread in the infidelity section. That way, people already have your backstory available so they can read up on the ins/outs before they just throw advice your way. You're here at this thread NOW, but you PROBABLY want to strip out your original post in THIS THREAD and MOVE it to your INFIDELITY thread. I'd advise you to KEEP your COPING WITH INFIDELITY thread going so it's a MORE COHERENT story. Starting new threads for EVERY question on the same situation makes people have to hunt all over to find out who YOU are again...there are thousands of people here!]

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/64141-reconcile-not-reconcile.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ake-person-more-likely-stay-bad-marriage.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...t-cant-get-over-infidelity-please-advise.html
 

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Shes manipulating you. Shes also still lying to you about the sex. She gives 10k to some guy and the only thing shes done with him was a handjob. Really? Then I guess I have 6 arms and look like Ving Rhames.

You think she was crying when she had her OM between her legs?

You think she was crying when her mouth was who the hell knows where?

You think she was crying when he filled her with his seed and sent her back home to you?

tough, but it is what is.

You're leaving, so she starts busting out the waterworks.

Now its all poor her, shes in such pain, shes so miserable I want to take care of her.

I'm sorry man, but in all hoenstly fvck her pain, that doesn't mean a damn thing right now. Hell, its most likely not even legitimate. She cheated and is doing everything to avoid the consequences, and you're falling for it.

You're making this much harder than it needs to be.

"Its over, don't call or text me, and you need to move out."

Then let the chips fall where they may but stick to your guns.

Listen to yourself

"Maybe she realized she does love me after I left but that doesn't change the fact that the marriage may not work out, if we fall back into old habits it definitely won't."

1) Love doesn't work that way. Either you love someone or you don't. The idea of it 'waking up' after the marriage is threatened is bullsh!t. The only thing that wakes up is a sense of self preservation.

2) What do you mean if? you should say 'when' for all her "I love you please take me back" I haven't seen you post a peep about her saying anything to the effect of changing herself. She just wants you back, but doesn't want to work for it. Instead she'd cry and guilt trip you.


Look man, there are billions of women in this world, and you only have one life to spend. Man up, and do what needs to be done.
 

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I have NEVER had a woman try this hard to get me back EVER. I have never had a woman apparently love me this much, this is so painful. I don't know what to do.
Umm, just because she wants you does not mean she loves you. The other guy dumped her now she wants you back so that she is not alone. You are her backup plan till she finds another guy, then it will start again.

You want advice and the forum has given you some good guidance. Tell her you need some time to sort your thoughts and go silent on her. It hurts but sometimes you just have to let them go in order to move forward.

Kasler said:
Look man, there are billions of women in this world, and you only have one life to spend. Man up, and do what needs to be done.
 

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Matt, OK, you're confused. What do you need?? TIME!!! Time away from her, time to think, time to figure your life out!! If she really loves you as much as she says, she must give you time to figure things out. That's it. Period. End of story. She MUST give you time and leave you alone to gather your life back together. Tell her you need it, and then take time to yourself to detatch and restart your life. You had a plan with her and she shattered that plan, so now you have to come up with a new plan. That takes time. You're entited to it.
 

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Seems YOU just can't let go. Dump the woman and go find yourself another one who loves you.
The ratio of women to men is 5 or 6 to one.. There's plenty of them out there.. Go fishing and see if you can catch the love of your life..
No one has to live in misery within a marriage or any relationship for that matter.. Besides, marriage is becoming obsolete. It no longer serves its' original purpose for human beings.
 
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