Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well my story is no different than most that I have read on here. I was married 3 years. From the beginning, I saw the red flags but I stuck it out. I was always suspicious and new she wasn't telling me the truth. I could tell by her behavior that she was not a woman of her word. She would always be talking to other men and get angry with me if I talked to other women. She was a hypocrite.

Well towards the end of our marriage, I followed my suspicions. I was so stressed out from our relationships, I ended up getting very stressed and sick. I ended up in bed for about two weeks, Not wanting to do anything. Work, play, have sex..nothing!! All the time we were together, she would make me out to be this big monster. She told me no one loved me but her, no cared about me but her and no one would put up with me but her. I believed it. She turned my kids against me and my family, I had no more friends or family, She would login to my facebook account and email everyone that I would beat her, None of it was true. She would delete female cousins who she said I was screwing around with. I eventually deleted my FB account.

She was an abusive woman and I married her. Well I believed in marriage. Till death do us part and for better or worse have real meaning to me. She didn't.

So while I was sick in bed, and had no will to live. I decided to follow her home from work one day. Well, she had been stopping at this guy she works with for months. She was sleeping with this guy, I brought it up to her many times and she denied it. Well I caught her red handed. She has a daughter is is 21 and autistic. Her daughter told me the truth. Well, my wife got real angry and called the police on me. Claimed I was smoking pot and drinking inside the house and that I burned her with a cigarette. None of it was true, Cops checked everything out and there was not any evidence. She lied like always. I ended up leaving that weekend. She had two guys with her trying to start something. Cops made them and wife leave.

Well days went by and my head was still spinning. Then the revenge thinking started sinking in, Within two days of me leaving, she was living with another man. Ii was boiling. I called them both to meet me but they would not. They chickened out like cowards. I had asked my wife for a divorce several times but she said we could work it out. Well she wanted to milk me for money and keep doing was she was doing. Needless to say, they are afraid of me and hide.

What gets me most is this woman would praise fidelity. She would always say, I am not that kind of woman, I would never cheat on you. This was her third marriage. She would manipulate everyone. She even tried to call my kids (from first marriage) and tell them lies about me. My kids caught on real quick and hung up on her and told her they never wanted to speak to her again. She called my work, my parents, my family and no one believed anything she had to say. She even talked me into going to counseling and she never showed up. I went for months. Her kids knew she was cheated and helped her with her alibis.

Please note we just split up a month ago. I don't want to compromise my dignity or stoop to her level. I have filed for divorce and ready to move on. However, I feel so hurt and betrayed. I am so angry and furious. I can't get this out of my system. All the people she said didn't love me are back in my life. She ran everyone away. I am physically sick from this, I have always bounced back but this one is killing me. How do I get through this? I have read every article. I was loving and very giving to this woman and this is where I end up. Any advice would help. I am a mess and need to get my life back in order. This was an abusive woman and I fell for it. I am angry at myself for letting this happen. Read this article to get an idea of who this woman is Abusive and Violent Women in Relationships

I am just looking to for some peace of mind. I want to get past this but I am really hurting

Thank You
Jimi
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,232 Posts
I am so sorry this happened to you.

Are you in any kind of therapy?

What do you like doing and what can you do for yourself? Do you exercise regularly? I know I feel SO much better when I do.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yes, I was in therapy because of who she made me out to be. Made me believe I was this terrible person. But that was her justification to do what she was doing.

I was into Yoga but I have lost interest in all things. Especially this past week. I am on a downward motion and just trying to stay above water. I would NEVER take this woman back, I just don't know why I feel so bad!! I know it's new and I know it will take take but i am physically sick from it.

Thanks for reading
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,232 Posts
Well, let yourself be sick. Go to bed with a book and a box of kleenex for a couple of days. But only for a couple of days. After that you need to force yourself back into reality.

Start doing your yoga again. Call up a buddy and go to the beach to look at women. Go to a funny movie, or a 'guy' movie. Read a good book (one that has NOTHING to do with romance or cheating). Go for a long walk. Go shopping (OK, maybe not a guy thing, but getting yourself something nice could help. Or a new 'toy', like a chain saw or something)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,358 Posts
Jimivee, hang in there. Take everything one day at a time and remember to eat -- even if it's just cereal. My situation was nowhere near as severe as yours, but what got me through the heartache and the tears was telling myself often that 'IT'S ALL PART OF THE PROCESS.' Time will heal you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
402 Posts
Jimi,
Sorry you are here. My STBXW was the same way. She has been convicted for DV and STILL blames the whole thing on me. She complains that she has lots of legal bills because of ME. Her cheating with 10 different men is MY fault. Her poor financial condition post separation is MY fault and I should pay her for life, etc. It is insane. It sounds like your STBXW is very abusive. Best of luck getting rid of her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,281 Posts
Jimi,
Sorry you are here. My STBXW was the same way. She has been convicted for DV and STILL blames the whole thing on me. She complains that she has lots of legal bills because of ME. Her cheating with 10 different men is MY fault. Her poor financial condition post separation is MY fault and I should pay her for life, etc. It is insane. It sounds like your STBXW is very abusive. Best of luck getting rid of her.
My ex is pretty much in the same shape socially and financially.
My take on the "pious" is the more they insist they are so pure that they can walk on water, the more likely it is that should you ask for a demonstration, the more likely it is that they will disappear under the waves.:rolleyes:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,291 Posts
Jimi,
Sorry you had to face infidelity in your marriage.
You have now got rid of a sneaky snake. Now, carry on with your life.
She does not deserve you.
But I see that you have been a little more adjusting and caving in in your relaionship with her.
You may need to work on this.
Take care.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,718 Posts
What gets me most is this woman would praise fidelity. She would always say, I am not that kind of woman, I would never cheat on you.
I read that this type of comment, if said often, is a red flag for a cheater.

My STBEH used to say this constantly. Almost as if he were fixated on it.

When someone says that too often, they are telling you they think about cheating a LOT and their fixated commenting is what is known as the defense mechanism REACTION FORMATION. Google it.

Sorry you are here, and I do so understand your anger, pain, sadness, feelings of being ill, and humiliation.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
298 Posts
I was into Yoga but I have lost interest in all things. Especially this past week. I am on a downward motion and just trying to stay above water.
Its the change and disappointment you're going through. Its temporary. A year from now you'll wonder what you felt bad about and be glad you escaped from the hell you were in. There's a whole world out with a lot of wonderful things to enjoy. Accept the sickness as a normal part of the process and a damn sight better than having cancer.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
80 Posts
Good luck to you jimivee..... sorry you are here.......

I am going thru a hard time too.... I understand the pain...

You will be better off without her.

I like the advice from Hope ... give yourself a couple of days to grieve, get "sick", sleep, cry........then get up and know you are worthy and don't deserve to be abused.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,696 Posts
You need to take care of yourself. Several studies connect efficiency of the immune system and emotional state. People tend to get sick when they are depressed (complicated biological phenomena).

Don't just be around the house and feel bad. You need to go out and enjoy life. Do something physical with a buddie. Climb a mountain, ride a bike for a few hours, play a competitive sport. Start looking at women because you're now free of a psychotic woman that was holding you back.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,791 Posts
Just like in any death there is mourning. You are facing a death of a marriage and in time you will move on. Give your self a small amount of time to grieve and except the renewed relationship that are forming.

When marriages pass away...no matter how bad they were you will feel sad and thats normal.

Its not what knocks us down that matters, its how we get back up that counts.

So pick your self up and start living!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
813 Posts
Jimi,
My STBXW was the same way. She has been convicted for DV and STILL blames the whole thing on me. She complains that she has lots of legal bills because of ME. Her cheating with 10 different men is MY fault. Her poor financial condition post separation is MY fault and I should pay her for life, etc. It is insane. It sounds like your STBXW is very abusive. Best of luck getting rid of her.
They're called "professional victims". Our society creates that mindset in many women who are inclined to take advantage of the system and the opportunity to blame everyone else...especially men...for everything "wrong" in their lives. Strong women are not like this. A tip: Date and marry only independent, confident, strong women. Your life will be soooo much better. If you don't have the confidence to be with these kind of women, find it, and live a happier life.
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top