[Chuck71]

There is no telling what my XW told her friends. IDGAF... and here is why.... if they were "family friends," even though you met them through her, anyone with any rationalism would understand there are three sides to every story: her side, his side, the truth. The way I viewed it was, they could come up to me, inform me of said accusations and allow me to confirm or debunk them. If they were debunked, and allowed me to give my 'play-by-play' then it is up to THEM to decide who was more believable and who was fulla crap. Grid... even after they hear both sides, it should not bother you which side they choose. They can believe you, or Madder Soop. You can not control how others think. YOU know the real story.

Begging for money on FB.... :rofl: Get this... my XW of 2012, who traveled 500 miles away to shack up with a guy on disability, who died back in the Fall... My XW 1-Was on Match.com not even two weeks after he was buried, 2-Set up a GoFundMe page on FB to come back home ($1k), 3-Set up a HelpMe page on FB for free furniture once she arrived because as soon as her "beau" passed away, his family told her GTFO, 4-Contacted me about getting furniture she left almost four years prior -some was her mom's, others were mine-, and 5-Just wanted us to get together and "talk." Granted we did talk, my mother just died but that was a once and done deal.

Grid.... until she knows she can snag another "male ATM" she will still see you as her de facto H. Pimples McStarbucks obviously is not pitching in. Madder Soop ain't asking him yet, she knows he will run for the hills and she will then, have to eat her "doo-doo sandwich" or... sliver back.... to you. Chuck... you're F'ing crazy.... am I?

Madder Soop still wants you Grid.... well she wants your money more than you, has for awhile. As long as you send a check, keep your mouth shut, and allow her to do what she wants, she may only anger dump on you when she has no one else to.

Grid... if you knew in Spring 1992, what you know now.... what would you say?

Dating in the 2010s... yeah, I'm there too. Lotsa Madder Soops out there, broken, damaged, PO'd, angry, burned, etc. I feel for some but that is not my problem. If they are not ready to date, work on yourself. Then try dating. If you have boundaries... it will most likely take much longer to find a suitable match. If you don't have boundaries, you will fall in love and get M.... and repeat the very same patterns as to why both of the couple's previous Ms, went up in smoke.

Grid.... "we train people how to treat us." Madder Soop over the years trained you to accept how she can treat you. Day by day, every 0.01% at a time. It adds up after 5,000-6,000 days.

Girls love their fathers..... strong fathers are the foundation to young healthy women. No matter what the government says, they will be drawn to you. Do you think the girls give two sheets what a court document says if they want to see their father? You already know the answer, as do I and 99% of the posters here.

 

[weightlifter]

Good enough list of exposure.
Im not a big fan of possibly getting a WS fired when D may happen. Not for nice, but for alimony considerations.

BTW. You dont see it but many of us old timers here do.
You turned a corner. You're still near the bottom of the valley, but beginning the long slow crappy slog up the other side.

Ya know it hurts to be correct so much.

Waves to Grid

 

[Mr Blunt]

By Gridcom
At the end of the day, I pay her full child support for the duration and a one time spousal maintenance prize of $7,000. The child support is whatever. There is no cap on it. So, if I today created a situation in my job where I could generate 2 million dollars in income, she'd get $500,000 in "child support" from me. I'm sure she'd take that money make sure it went all to the kids, right?

You pay 25% of your income for child support?....What kind of law is in your state? The sate goes by a percentage of your income and not by the amount needed for the children's expenses?

If I have figured your child support it is around $2500 per month or $30,000 a year. Is that for both children? Does it go down when the oldest is 18?

Does your ex-wife have full discretion as to how to spend the child support money? How can one make sure the child support goes for the children?
I can understand paying child support for the children’s expenses but not for the betraying spouse to use for themselves.

If all above are true then the divorce laws can hold a spouse in bondage until your children turn 18…IOW, a person may be forced to put up with betrayal because of financial reasons.

I will never get married again and allow the state to control my finances. Does a pre-nup protect a person like gridcom from getting financially raped?

 

[gridcom]

You pay 25% of your income for child support?....What kind of law is in your state? The sate goes by a percentage of your income and not by the amount needed for the children's expenses?

If I have figured your child support it is around $2500 per month or $30,000 a year. Is that for both children? Does it go down when the oldest is 18?

Does your ex-wife have full discretion as to how to spend the child support money? How can one make sure the child support goes for the children?
I can understand paying child support for the children’s expenses but not for the betraying spouse to use for themselves.

If all above are true then the divorce laws can hold a spouse in bondage until your children turn 18…IOW, a person may be forced to put up with betrayal because of financial reasons.

I will never get married again and allow the state to control my finances. Does a pre-nup protect a person like gridcom from getting financially raped?

NY State is 25% and emancipation is 21 in NYS. I do not control how it is spent. This is all NY State Law, so it's not debatable. There is nothing to argue. My sh^tty lawyer, every time I would kick and scream at the injustice would just be like "Get out while you can"

 

[Chuck71]

You pay 25% of your income for child support?....What kind of law is in your state? The sate goes by a percentage of your income and not by the amount needed for the children's expenses?

If I have figured your child support it is around $2500 per month or $30,000 a year. Is that for both children? Does it go down when the oldest is 18?

Does your ex-wife have full discretion as to how to spend the child support money? How can one make sure the child support goes for the children?
I can understand paying child support for the children’s expenses but not for the betraying spouse to use for themselves.

If all above are true then the divorce laws can hold a spouse in bondage until your children turn 18…IOW, a person may be forced to put up with betrayal because of financial reasons.

I will never get married again and allow the state to control my finances. Does a pre-nup protect a person like gridcom from getting financially raped?

I have yet to see a fair D for a man in state of NY. You touched upon something friends and I

have discussed in great detail before. Most fathers (yeah I'm just using fathers, if anyone

else wants to example this as a female, please do) do not mind paying child support. (Yeah some don't

pay, etc etc etc) As long as it is for the kids. What pizzes many off is when the CS funds

are spent on his XWs needs / leisure or the guy she is with. So what if... the guy does have more say

so on where the CS is spent? The court systems are backlogged as it is. Some couples

would be in court 5x a month.

There was a club / high end strip joint in Atlanta back in the 90s. The Gold Club. Guy met girl

there (yeah great place to meet someone), ONS, pregnant, and no plans of M either way.

He did not mind paying CS. He payed over 75k a year and it was he!! on Earth trying to

even see him. But she bragged on who the father was to anyone who would listen.

Oh... BTW... this was her third kid. At one time she collected 140k a year in CS. All ONS.... with

NBA players. The one I knew of, knew him through a running buddy, who knew him through

an NFL player he grew up with. We would hear horror stories. The dad would send the kid

presents / gifts and she would return them for $ back and scream they never provide for

their children. Yes that was something given, in addition to the CS. I could go into more detail

but you get the point.

 

[Mr Blunt]

NY State is 25% and emancipation is 21 in NYS. I do not control how it is spent. This is all NY State Law, so it's not debatable. There is nothing to argue. My sh^tty lawyer, every time I would kick and scream at the injustice would just be like "Get out while you can"

NY State D laws suck big time! I assume that some states are not that bad?
It seems like if you do not want to get raped in court on child support you have a few options:

1 Get a pre-nup that established everything including CS. Does that exist?
2 Stay married until the children reach emancipation age
3 Do not have children
4 Make sure that you get custody of the children
5 ?????????

Paying to have your children have the basics of life, an education, and medical coverage, etc. is a good thing and very understandable. However, paying CS and the custody parent using that money for themselves will make some people think criminal thoughts. The story that Chuck posted is sickening.

When I was 12 years old I was in a serious auto accident and won a settlement from the insurance company that was a lot of money back then. The judge set up an account that was controlled by the judge and my parents had to get approval to withdraw any money for me until I was 21 years old. My parents had to prove that the money was for me and no one else. The judge allowed some money to be paid DIRECTLY to the college that I attended at age 18. I would hope that CS could be set up like that.

NY state court is screwing gridcon and there is nothing he can do about now. However, maybe someone reading this thread can take actions so that do not get raped in court for CS.

 

[Chuck71]

NY State D laws suck big time! I assume that some states are not that bad?
It seems like if you do not want to get raped in court on child support you have a few options:

1 Get a pre-nup that established everything including CS. Does that exist?
2 Stay married until the children reach emancipation age
3 Do not have children
4 Make sure that you get custody of the children
5 ?????????

Paying to have your children have the basics of life, an education, and medical coverage, etc. is a good thing and very understandable. However, paying CS and the custody parent using that money for themselves will make some people think criminal thoughts. The story that Chuck posted is sickening.

When I was 12 years old I was in a serious auto accident and won a settlement from the insurance company that was a lot of money back then. The judge set up an account that was controlled by the judge and my parents had to get approval to withdraw any money for me until I was 21 years old. My parents had to prove that the money was for me and no one else. The judge allowed some money to be paid DIRECTLY to the college that I attended at age 18. I would hope that CS could be set up like that.

NY state court is screwing gridcon and there is nothing he can do about now. However, maybe someone reading this thread can take actions so that do not get raped in court for CS.

I never in my wildest dreams imagined a state could be this one-sided.... until I started reading

ReGroup's thread back in '12. Believe it or not, Virginia may be even worse. Check out

Lone Shadow's thread. It takes a lot to "floor" me.... but those two states did.

 

[Satya]

It's the lack of requirement for accountability that really stings. The process does not meet the regulatory standard it should.

If the receiver of child support had to produce and sumbit receipts monthly or even quarterly for all child expenses, AND was "audited" with any frequency, you can bet the money would go where it's needed, and you'd know it, not just wonder.

 

[bandit.45]

NY State is 25% and emancipation is 21 in NYS. I do not control how it is spent. This is all NY State Law, so it's not debatable. There is nothing to argue. My sh^tty lawyer, every time I would kick and scream at the injustice would just be like "Get out while you can"

Can you just wait on divorce until the younger daughter turns 18? I dont see how your life would change that much if you divorced today. Just stay legally separated, keep dating and let your slag wife show everyone what a p.o.s. she is.

Or stay married and move out of N.Y. to a state that has much more equitable divorce laws? Let your wife divorce you in that state if she has to. Make her do the work. You fly the girls to visit you in the summers and holidays.

 

[Pluto2]

NY State D laws suck big time! I assume that some states are not that bad?
It seems like if you do not want to get raped in court on child support you have a few options:

1 Get a pre-nup that established everything including CS. Does that exist?
2 Stay married until the children reach emancipation age
3 Do not have children
4 Make sure that you get custody of the children
5 ?????????

Paying to have your children have the basics of life, an education, and medical coverage, etc. is a good thing and very understandable. However, paying CS and the custody parent using that money for themselves will make some people think criminal thoughts. The story that Chuck posted is sickening.

When I was 12 years old I was in a serious auto accident and won a settlement from the insurance company that was a lot of money back then. The judge set up an account that was controlled by the judge and my parents had to get approval to withdraw any money for me until I was 21 years old. My parents had to prove that the money was for me and no one else. The judge allowed some money to be paid DIRECTLY to the college that I attended at age 18. I would hope that CS could be set up like that.

NY state court is screwing gridcon and there is nothing he can do about now. However, maybe someone reading this thread can take actions so that do not get raped in court for CS.

No one wants to hear this but child support payments have nothing to do with your ex, they are about the kids, and the theory applied by most states is that kids of a marriage should not be economically penalized because of divorce. That means, they should not be penalized after a divorce if one parent's career takes off by holding them to the same expenses incurred before an economic advance, and they will have to economize if one parent's career goes in the crapper. So if the obligor's income goes up, so should the child support payments. The CS system was created so that the kids' life style continues to reflect that. It does not always seem equitable, but nothing about divorce is equitable.

And most states have a high burden of proof as a requirement to explain why a couple deviates from the state CS guidelines, making it extremely difficult to contract around the guidelines a head of time unless you are already a high earner. Courts retain jurisdiction over child support determinations until the kids are of age precisely to make sure one bully of a parent doesn't strip the kids of decent support. (Of course I was not including our Grid in this).

 

[gridcom]

No one wants to hear this but child support payments have nothing to do with your ex, they are about the kids, and the theory applied by most states is that kids of a marriage should not be economically penalized because of divorce. That means, they should not be penalized after a divorce if one parent's career takes off by holding them to the same expenses incurred before an economic advance, and they will have to economize if one parent's career goes in the crapper. So if the obligor's income goes up, so should the child support payments. The CS system was created so that the kids' life style continues to reflect that. It does not always seem equitable, but nothing about divorce is equitable.

And most states have a high burden of proof as a requirement to explain why a couple deviates from the state CS guidelines, making it extremely difficult to contract around the guidelines a head of time unless you are already a high earner. Courts retain jurisdiction over child support determinations until the kids are of age precisely to make sure one bully of a parent doesn't strip the kids of decent support. (Of course I was not including our Grid in this).

Good time to mention that I did get it in my agreement that if I should make more than $400,000 in any year, that the Child Support north of 400k would go into a fund for the kids that they can share when the youngest turns 21. So, the max CS my ex can have is 100k per year. Which, lets be honest, is still INCREDIBLE

 

[Evinrude58]

Grid,
25% goes to child support, at least 25% goes to income tax, I pay 10% in sales tax where I am.
Then property tax and state income tax is probably another 10%.

I'm guessing you get to keep about 30% of your pay?

Wow, I seriously would not get married in New York. I'm rethinking getting married again, period.

Your situation is just a shame.

 

[lordmayhem]

No one wants to hear this but child support payments have nothing to do with your ex, they are about the kids, and the theory applied by most states is that kids of a marriage should not be economically penalized because of divorce.

That's the theory alright, but in most cases that is not what happens in real life. That theory is outdated and belongs in the 50s where it originated. I have a coworker who's XW makes over $160K per year, which is three times what he makes, yet he gets raped in child support.

 

[Mr Blunt]

By Pluto
No one wants to hear this but child support payments have nothing to do with your ex, they are about the kids, and the theory applied by most states is that kids of a marriage should not be economically penalized because of divorce.

Everyone knows that the child support is for the children and I did not suggest that the children get penalized. My point is that all the CS should be spent on the children and the x-spouse should get NONE of it! That is why I said:

Paying to have your children have the basics of life, an education, and medical coverage, etc. is a good thing and very understandable. However, paying CS and the custody parent using that money for them will make some people think criminal thoughts. The story that Chuck posted is sickening.

Satya’s post below is a very good idea

By Satya
It's the lack of requirement for accountability that really stings. The process does not meet the regulatory standard it should.

If the receiver of child support had to produce and submit receipts monthly or even quarterly for all child expenses, AND was "audited" with any frequency, you can bet the money would go where it's needed, and you'd know it, not just wonder.

 

[225985]

How do you decide what is for the children? Mortgage, car note, food, heat, gas, cable, internet etc can all be considered for the benefit of the children, in addition to their clothes and education expenses.

My brother divorced his cheating wife a decade ago. They lived not to far from Grid. Same state. She made his life miserable and extracted every penny and more from him.

She bought a small plantation in Puerto Rico. Never made much money working. Guess who paid for that.

His youngest recently turned 21. The money never went to them.

But my niece and nephew know who was the real parent. They think their mom is crazy. She wanted to live the single wild life. Still does. It's pathetic.

BTW when she showed up at my father's funeral visitation a few months ago, I had to throw her out.

 

[Satya]

States are already so involved, it would not be difficult for each state to produce a worksheeet with all acceptable "types" of child expenses.
Then, the parent receiving CS has to fill in the worksheet (maybe online for ease of submission?) and can choose whether to break down the expenses into itemized categories or just put down a lump of what was spent per month/quarter.

Just an idea.

 

[225985]

Good time to mention that I did get it in my agreement that if I should make more than $400,000 in any year, that the Child Support north of 400k would go into a fund for the kids that they can share when the youngest turns 21. So, the max CS my ex can have is 100k per year. Which, lets be honest, is still INCREDIBLE

Yes it is incredible. Your combined tax rate would approach 50%, so your net pay would be around $200,000. Great pay, but she would get half. Tax free.

I hope you deduct every work related expenss you can from your gross income.

 

[stixx]

Can you just wait on divorce until the younger daughter turns 18? I dont see how your life would change that much if you divorced today. Just stay legally separated, keep dating and let your slag wife show everyone what a p.o.s. she is.

Or stay married and move out of N.Y. to a state that has much more equitable divorce laws? Let your wife divorce you in that state if she has to. Make her do the work. You fly the girls to visit you in the summers and holidays.

Waiting until the daughter turns 18 won't prevent a child support obligation because it's 21 for emancipation in NY as he clearly stated in his post that you quoted.

If wife stays in NY then NY is the home state and NY retains jurisdiction on divorce related matters, even if wife eventually moves out of NY State.

NY State is 25%

That's for 2 kids.

It's 17% for 1 kid.

 

[Mr Blunt]

Website GOOGLE reference: des.az.gov/sites/default/files/2015CSGuidelinesRED.p...


Looking at the Arizona guidelines for child support I came up with the following calculations for child support

1 adjusted gross monthly income of the parents (Both husband and wife)
Husband = $6000 Wife = 4,000 = $10,000

If husband or wife pays child support to another family then the amount paid to the other family is deducted from gross income example Husband pays $500 to other family = $6,000-$500 = $5,500


8. DETERMINING THE BASIC CHILD SUPPORT OBLIGATION

EXAMPLE: Combined Adjusted Gross Income is $10,000. The father's Adjusted Gross Income is $6000. Divide the father's Adjusted Gross Income by the Combined Adjusted Income. The result is the father's share of the Combined Adjusted Gross Income. ($6000
divided by $10,000 = 60%) The father's share is 60%; the mother's share is 40%.




13. ADJUSTMENTS FOR OTHER COSTS

EXAMPLE: A noncustodial parent pays for medical insurance through his or her employer. Because the cost has already been paid to a third party (the insurance company), the cost must be deducted from the noncustodial parent's child supportobligation because this portion of the child support obligation has already been paid.

There is also an adjustment when the noncustodial parent has the child (Children) for many days in the year.


Schedule of Basic Support Obligations
For a Combined (father + Mother) adjusted gross income of $10,000 per month the basic support is Two children =$1,683
Without any deductions the father would pay 60% of $1,683 = $1,010 per month child support for two children.

Would be less with deductions as described above in section 13.

I believe that is a lot different than gridcom and the NY state percentage at 25%!!!
NY state sucks on child support!

That is my understanding after reading the Arizona guidelines for child support. I may be missing something but that seems to be right as I have seen some child support orders in Arizona that match up pretty good to the above. This is just a guess and I am not an attorney.

I am open to corrections or more examples if anyone has any.

 

[lordmayhem]

How do you decide what is for the children? Mortgage, car note, food, heat, gas, cable, internet etc can all be considered for the benefit of the children, in addition to their clothes and education expenses.

My brother divorced his cheating wife a decade ago. They lived not to far from Grid. Same state. She made his life miserable and extracted every penny and more from him.

She bought a small plantation in Puerto Rico. Never made much money working. Guess who paid for that.

His youngest recently turned 21. The money never went to them.

But my niece and nephew know who was the real parent. They think their mom is crazy. She wanted to live the single wild life. Still does. It's pathetic.

BTW when she showed up at my father's funeral visitation a few months ago, I had to throw her out.

I don't know if you are familiar with legal guardianship, but in my state, if a person becomes a court appointment legal guardian over someone, they receive money from the state. And then the state requires a monthly printed budget of what the money was spent for (clothes, food, etc).

That is something that I think should be used for CS. That way there is no question that the money is being spent on the children. If the state has the right to know if its money is being spent right by a legal guardian, then it is only right that the spouse paying CS has the right to know how the CS is being spent. It is for the children after all.

But we all know life isn't fair or right, and we know who mainly gets screwed over in the family courts.