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My wife began playing occaisional tennis with the tennis pro that teaches our son, which I thought was fine. She's 40 and he's 25. Well they developed a friendship and I noticed that they occaisionally texted, which I also didn't think was a big deal. Then she started wanting to go see him play in tournaments. Ok...she's a tennis fan...I am too.

Well I've been noticing that she is contantly texting someone, even late at night...close to midnight, so I decide to check her phone. Turns out she and the tennis guy have been exchanging 20 to 30 texts per day. They are all pretty innocent; however, I did learn that she's been going to his apartment complex to play tennis, not at the club where they normally play and she had not mentioned that before.

I also discoved that she had taken him out to lunch earlier today and texted him that she would "come and keep him company". She had specifically lied to me earlier in the day when she said she had only seen him in the early morning and had been at work all day.

Most disturbing to me is about a half dozen texts in which she keeps asking if she can come swim with him in his pool at his apartment complex.

She got really angry and told me that there is nothing inappropriate about any of this. She told me that they are just friends and then she said "he is like a son", which I know is total B.S.

She said she has done nothing wrong and to "ask anyone". Well I'm here asking. What do you guys think?
 

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What do i think?

I think she should be ashamed of herself for not acknowledging her true feelings/intentions with this MAN.

I'm sure she wouldnt mind one of her girlfriends hanging around her/your son and pestering him the way she's been flaunting herself at another womans son.

Unless this tennis pro has a solid moral foundation he's going to take what is offered. And make no mistake IT IS BEING offered.

That is what i think - sorry you find yourself in a situation that is soon to unravel because of your partner in life
 

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Yes it is wrong. How many times a day does she textt you?

It is an emotional affair if not a physical affair.

Write a letter to the tennis club pointing out that you are uncomfortable with a young man texting your wife multiple times a day.
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I'm greatly thinking that this doesn't exactly pass the "smell test!" It's all too obvious that both of their actions speak of anything other than the "innocence" they both are seemingly professing.

To that end, it's richly time for a "Come to Jesus Meeting" with your wife, "the 180," and perhaps even more!
 

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Here is what you do:

You get two or three friends (even aquanitances) at that same Tennis Club and have them meet you at the manager's office.

You ask the manager to page the POS.

When he gets there, tell the other HUSBANDS "This is the guy who keeps sniffing after my wife. Texts her all the time. Keep an eye out for this POS and see if he's wanting to play mixed singles with your wives."

"Mr. Manager, here is our letter of resignation. You can see the reason for that right in front of you. We want a refund for the balance of the year since it's the result of the actions of one of your empolyees." Tell him the number of texts he's sending to your spouse. Put it all on him.

Tell your wife exactly what you did and explain that since she isn't establishing any boundaries and is offering to take her clothes off with another man (i.e. swimming) she has no complaint.
 

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Tell her this:

"If it's all just innocent, then you don't mind only meeting him when I am available as well. If you don't like that, then it doesn't pass the husband test. You are wanting to do things that you won't do in front of me. Right now, you are in touch with him more then me and our son. How is that innocent?"

Then definitely tell the Management of the Tennis Club...and share his identity with some of the other husbands of the club. Suddenly having a bunch of MEN PAYING FOR THEIR WIVES FEES suddenly looking askance at an employee...well...he might find greener pastures elsewhere.
And while you're doing this, put a gps on her car.
 

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Congrats on pinning this snake before it gets in your pants. A thing like this could cost you your relation easily.

Now defuse the situation according to the examples you find on many similar threads on this forum.

Do say nothing anymore at this moment to your wife. You have to gather possible evidence and just look and listen. Take a cold stance towards your wife. In absolutely no situation break down and get whining and complaining.

Demand she goes non-contact. Don't argue. If she leaves for him as far as you know or suspect, put her clothes in a bag and put it outside, the OM can have her.Tell her that when she leaves or returns if you didn't see her go.

Keep cool, it is the best chance to work on your relation. She is deep into the fog, she wants to swim with him to have sex later on.

Sorry for you, be strong.
 

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Congrats on pinning this snake before it gets in your pants. A thing like this could cost you your relation easily.

Now defuse the situation according to the examples you find on many similar threads on this forum.

Do say nothing anymore at this moment to your wife. You have to gather possible evidence and just look and listen. Take a cold stance towards your wife. In absolutely no situation break down and get whining and complaining.

Demand she goes non-contact. Don't argue. If she leaves for him as far as you know or suspect, put her clothes in a bag and put it outside, the OM can have her.Tell her that when she leaves or returns if you didn't see her go.

Keep cool, it is the best chance to work on your relation. She is deep into the fog, she wants to swim with him to have sex later on.

Sorry for you, be strong.

And what makes you think this hasn't happened. She has been round to OM apartment to play 'tennis':rolleyes: without her husbands knowledge.
 

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This is an extreme threat to your marriage.
She is either having sex with him or will have sex with him.
A relationship / friendship / whatever she wants to call it with this level of intimacy (texting , friendhip, recreational companionship) is incompatible with marriage.
Your wife is saying "this is normal" in order to make you question your own thoughts and feelings. She wants you to back off become afraid you are a jealous maniac... That is her intent.

You must take a very hard stance here. Which means that you have to start taking steps for a divorce unless she ends all contact with him. Do not waffle on this. The threat you are facing is that strong and real. Do not have alot of discussions or negotiations with her. Offer her the choice between her marriage and this relationship.

You must also get your son out of lessons with him immediately and tell your son the reason if you need to.
 

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Tennis teacher... Kid's tennis teacher... How cliché is that.

You know, this has always bugged me a bit. As a guy who works with kids and has to sometimes meet their mothers there is some weird dynamic that gets generated there. I can't quite pin it but when they see me interact with their kids that seems to push some buttons on them and some begin this weird behavior i'm not really comfortable with.

Quite honestly if i was that way i could bed those types by the dozens. I often have to deflect their flirting behavior and although i'm not ugly i'm also not some Brad Pitt. These women should not be doing this. And i believe they would not if i wasn't in that spot.

Is it seeing me boss their kids around (that's just what i do, it's my style of interaction with them, i don't ask, i command)? Is it actually seeing their kids behaving (yes, some behave better with me than with their parents)? Is it some weird unresolved sexualized teacher's pet thing? Am i the only guy they have a reason to interact with without seeming toxic and they try their hand? All in one?

And here is the kicker... Married ones, not widows or divorcées do it MORE... WTF! It kinda disgusts me.

OP, just out of curiosity! Do you spend time with your kid? Does your wife sees you interact with him in a mentor situation? Do you teach your kid stuff?
 

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OP!

Even leaving out the texting etc, she has been around to his apartment without telling you.

I would be so indescribably pissed off with my wife if she did that to me.

Tell the club, perhaps use JCD's advice, tell him to leave your wife the **** alone.
If your wife doesn't like it pack her stuff and tell her to go look after him like a son (yea right) at his apartment, offer to take her there.

You have to expose these things to stop them dead.
 

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Most disturbing to me is about a half dozen texts in which she keeps asking if she can come swim with him in his pool at his apartment complex.
^^^^^^^^
THIS.

What is the connection with her desire to have a swim with him at HIS apt. complex and him teaching her tennis?

None.

She is a woman in her sexual prime looking to have sex with a man in his sexual prime.
She 40 yrs old.
Him 25 yrs old.

Worse yet, you are PAYING FOR IT with your hard earned money.
She does NOT respect you because she LIED, and she is actively seeking his attention.
Time to put and end to her madness , and stop paying for all tennis practice / classes.

Tell her that you found a very attractive young female tennis coach who is will to coach your kids.

See her reaction.
 

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Nothing going on. We're just friends. I've done nothing wrong.

Soon, (if it hasn't already) it will be:

You're too controlling.
You're abusive.
You're jealous.
I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you.
I need "space".
 

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I truly hope you aren't going to puss out on us because you don't want to be 'mean'.

He's a predator. She's halfway out the door. Of COURSE she's going to resent you getting in the way of her effing around. Is it any different for guys who run into a kockblocker?

And I agree with the taking the kid out of classes and telling him that mom is behaving WAY inappropriately with the other man. Another pair of eyes on her.
 

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My wife began playing occaisional tennis with the tennis pro that teaches our son, which I thought was fine. She's 40 and he's 25. Well they developed a friendship and I noticed that they occaisionally texted, which I also didn't think was a big deal. Then she started wanting to go see him play in tournaments. Ok...she's a tennis fan...I am too.

Well I've been noticing that she is contantly texting someone, even late at night...close to midnight, so I decide to check her phone. Turns out she and the tennis guy have been exchanging 20 to 30 texts per day. They are all pretty innocent; however, I did learn that she's been going to his apartment complex to play tennis, not at the club where they normally play and she had not mentioned that before.

I also discoved that she had taken him out to lunch earlier today and texted him that she would "come and keep him company". She had specifically lied to me earlier in the day when she said she had only seen him in the early morning and had been at work all day.

Most disturbing to me is about a half dozen texts in which she keeps asking if she can come swim with him in his pool at his apartment complex.

She got really angry and told me that there is nothing inappropriate about any of this. She told me that they are just friends and then she said "he is like a son", which I know is total B.S.

She said she has done nothing wrong and to "ask anyone". Well I'm here asking. What do you guys think?
She is pursuing him. As you know, most men cannot run fast enough to get away from a woman who is pursuing them, especially a young single one. He may be afraid to poop where he eats if he makes his living giving tennis lessons to wives and kids, he won't want people to know that, but still, if she keeps up the pursuit, there is a good chance he will give in.

She wants to continue her pursuit of him. She lied to you because she knows darn well that it looks like she is pursuing him and that you wouldn't like it too much, to put it mildly. She will play all of the emotion cards she can to manipulate you into letting her pursue him under the guise of "he's just a friend, like a son."

She will try making you feel foolish, try being angry, try being nice, throw sex at you, etc., until you agree that she is right, that they are just friends, and it is OK for her to go to his apartment and watch TV naked in his bed, like she would do with any of her friends or like a son.
 

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Nothing going on. We're just friends. I've done nothing wrong.

Soon, (if it hasn't already) it will be:

You're too controlling.
You're abusive.
You're jealous.
I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you.
I need "space".
:iagree:
 
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