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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We've had our share of ups and downs and really let ourselves go for awhile. We're both overweight severely and she just recently told me she's not attracted to me from the neck down anymore. I came back with I've never been not been attracted to you and so the convo went on from there about weight and such. We both started working out but I'm not sure if that will be enough to go the attraction back?
 

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Well you won't know till you try will you? I love my husband dearly but I do have a weight limit. He's hit it a few times and no I'm not attracted to him when he's that size. I can deal with overweight just not severely overweight.

For the record I'm thin.
 

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Yes you can do it. Read this book and find out why and how. Many here have done it. Take the red pill.

Married Man Sex Life

Start working on yourself and don't worry what your wife is going to do. Up your sex rank, things will fall into place.

Cut out the carbs and start lifting. Here are some good things to pick you up quickly.

Starting Strength, 3rd edition: Mark Rippetoe, Jason Kelly

Starting Strength

BodBot - Free Personalized Training and Nutrition Plans

Free Calorie Counter, Diet & Exercise Journal | MyFitnessPal.com
 

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  • Really let ourselves go for awhile.
  • Both overweight severely
  • Told me she's not attracted to me
  • We both started working out
  • I'm not sure if that will be enough to [get] the attraction back?
Although gaining weight is an obvious attraction killer, there's more to it than that. You also lose attraction points on behavior, and behaving in a way that allowed you to become 'severely overweight' has to have popped a confidence bubble in your spouses mind, 'how could he let himself go this much'. (I know she is overweight to, but that doesn't change her judgement of you, it doesn't sound fair, but it is what it is).

So, you have two problems to address (at least):
  1. Reestablish her confidence in you.
  2. Take charge of your sad, sad, physical state; for your own damned well-being.

Starting today:
  • Stop whining to her about your, or her, weight problem.
  • Stuff yourself with baked chicken or chicken cooked in olive oil, eat so much of it that there's no room for crap.
  • Eat a lot of steamed broccoli, it'll help cut the extra estrogen the fat in your body is creating (you have to get rid of that estrogen, it affects the way you think also).
  • Carbs are killin ya, if that's your mission there are easier, more honorable ways to go about it. If on the other hand, life is important, cut that junk food (carbs).
  • Don't watch more than an hour of tv.
  • Don't sit at the computer for more than an hour.
  • Don't play video games for more than an hour.
  • If you sit at your job, try to do it standing, if possible.

The modifications I mentioned, are just a sampling of what you need to do, but, and this is important, if you do these things with a good solid attitude, you'll start to regain some of your wife's attraction to you, even before you lose any substantial weight, because she will see a determined man taking decisive action, and that my friend, is an attractive trait.

T
 

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I just read your other thread.

My guess is the OM in better physical shape then you. No?

Have you confronted him to stay out of your marriage? You need to.

He's a orbiter. He's going to make it sound like he's there for her. Then when she feels comfortable enough she'll make the jump from you to him. He's setting himself up to be in place when she jumps.
 

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Lose the weight for you. Don't plan on her coming back after that. It's not the weight. I'm nearly 100% sure of that. Once you guys split, it'll be a lot easier to get back into the game if you're thinner.

She's falling out of love with you, and it's not the weight.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Wow awesome responses! The other guy sent me a message and told me that if I wasn't comfortable with them talking he would stop. I trust her completely. We are having a hard time right now but we're both trying and we'll see how it goes but I do need to work on myself to get confidence and stability back in my life and our life. I appreciate all the responses, thanks :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I need to clarify some things I wrote before....I know severely overweight was probably the wrong choice of word to use on her weight because her weight is the result of 7 pregnancies and a thyroid problem. She has lost the weight 2 times but gained it back with a pregnancy. Also, it's not like we're not having sex because we are, we've actually had more in the past few weeks of talking then we did in the past 6-9 months. I do need to be more confident but it's hard with everything that's happened in the past few years...been fired from 2 jobs, hours cut back at the job where I am now and she's a small business owner that has been picking up the slack for me since my job situation has been horrible. She is a strongindependent woman and I'm not very strong right now and it's bothering her. I know I need to be more take charge, driven and I need to stand up for myself, which I don't do. She said I need to find something to do with my free time but around her I don't what to do, it's a very small community.
 

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I'm going to bet her issue with you isn't physical. She may find you less attractive these days primarily because your job difficulties and your lack of confidence. She's "picking up the slack"? Does that mean she's the primary bread-winner and that's not something she's been used to? Your hours cut back? Is she seeing you working less and relaxing more? If she owns a business, she probably drives herself pretty hard. You might try to stay hustling at least 40 hrs a week. If you don't have a full schedule at work, use the time to look for a better job, train for a better job, improve your education, exercise, lose weight, or something. You'll feel more in control and your confidence will improve, too. Big can still be sexy but as a guy you don't want to look weak, indecisive, and dependent. Women usually go for security and weak or depressed doesn't broadcast "security".
 

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You really need to read MMSL now. You have free time? Download it today.
Completely agree. Brian, you are a textbook example case of everything the Author talks about in the Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. You need to read it and you will see -- it will change your life.
 

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I see a few similarites between your story and mine, Brian. While my wife never gave ultimatums, or criticized my appearance- I was overweight and I had lost my confidence as a result. The MMSL was essential for me as the MAP is pretty much an outline of how to get your sh*% together as a guy. It's pretty simple at the core- better yourself.

Your health is essential in this process, but you have to want it... no, you have to NEED it. If you can't commit to becoming the Brian you used to be, or NEED to be, well, then you will fail.... but, if you can taste it, and are willing to put in the effort and time- you can do it.

I hear you that money is an issue (when is it not?), but there are things you CAN do. As Tony mentioned, eat smarter and exercise. Broccoli and chicken are cheap. Running is free... well, provided you have some shorts and sneakers. You want something to do with your free time? Run!

I started my journey back in Oct 2011. Every day is another day forward. I've lost 75 pounds. When I started I could barely walk around the block, now I run 3-4 miles every weekday morning at 5am. I do a long run on Sat or Sun. I move forward.

My story if you care to read.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Our relationship is sort of that way 41362...we've endured some rough things in our marriage and we're still together trying to make it work. We talked last night about the whole confidence issue and she put it point-blank, "you need to get off this pansy ass attitude you have." I really need to find a way to get that book and read it. Think it's at the library? I'll call and ask them. MY stats.... 5'9" 250#. The only thing that is really fat is my belly/back area. I want to get down to around 200 by summer but I'm going to have to work at it. We're both doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred and it's kicking my butt. She's a professional photographer and has had her business license for over 5 years and she's made quite a reputation for herself (IMO she's the best in the area, and I've told her many times). Right now she is more driven and goal orientated, I just need to give myself a kick in the ass and get my act together.
 

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My wife never said that, but I don't doubt that she bit her tongue several hundred times in that effort...

Call the library, Brian. Call all of 'em...

That said, you don't need the book to take the first steps. I didn't even know about the book when I decided to get off my fat ass. You gotta move.

What's your diet look like?
What's your daily caloric intake?
What's your daily caloric intake goal?
How many calories does your JM workout burn?
What's your daily protein intake?

You need to log this stuff. If you aren't, it'll be a huge eye opener.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
I was a very heavy Mt Dew drinker up til about 6 days ago. I'm down to at most 1 a day and trying to cut that out. I don't like coffee or unsweet tea so I can't go there for non calorie drinks so water has been the other source of liquid. 2 weeks ago I was 260 pounds and since cutting pop back I actually went down to 247# the other day but putting 250# as a reference point. As far as food goes....we did have pizza yesterday at the Grandparents house for the game but it was thin crust so less bread(carbs). I stopped myself from eating something last night at midnight which 2 weeks ago I would've ate something heavy then went to sleep. I've been able to control my appetite for the most part but I still have cravings for huge meals!! I called the Dr. today and got my bloodwork results....my sugar test was fine and my cholesterol is down 20 points from a year ago, it's currently at 223. I am going to try and find a way to get that book but I appreciate everyone's posts and great responses!
 

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I don't have much advice to add as I would like to drop my fat too and I'm only a little taller than you are but considerably heavier.

If you've dropped that much weight by making that simple change (cut down the pop) you are going to acheive your goals easily with more modified eating and exercising. Again I'm not preaching cause my fat ass hasn't dropped a pound or a hamburger in quite some time.
 
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