[PNG24]

Hello.

My wife and I have been together for at least 13 years and have been married for 10 years. We have been blessed with 2 kids, a 5 y.o. boy and a 3 y.o. girl.

I never thought that our marriage would be on the rocks as it is now as early in our relationship, she made the efforts for us to be together. I am not a very attractive guy buy my wife is a drop dead gorgeous woman. I never really thought that she would have a crush on me and was just overwhelmed that she does like me and even made the first move for us to be together. But don't get me wrong, I had a crush on her already before she even made the move to know me. Thus we fell in love. She said she was madly in love with me and wants to be with me every minute of everyday. My confidence as a man really shoots up having a beautiful lady in my life who loves me more that I would expect to be loved.

After almost 3 years in the relationship, we got married as she really doesn't want to loose me. However our marriage life did not kick off so well as financial problems sink in. I must admit that I was not financially ready when we got married, and just agreed on her proposal for us to get married already. Thus, we are unable to make ends meet with unpaid loans and credit cards debts.

I guess the financial problems really hit us hard that could have affected her love for me. She demanded that I leave my very stable job for a better pay as we are still living in a duplex with my parents because I cant afford an apartment for us. Then although I had sufficient salary already on the new job, she wanted me to get a job abroad for several times ever since in the 3rd year of our marriage but fate was not there for me then to land a job abroad. And maybe because I am also uncomfortable leaving her behind and our children. I am a person who cherishes family and relationship above all things...

But she wants more from our life and is still not contented. She wants a new house, a car and of course a future for our kids. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that but I see that I could give it to her in about 3-5 years more.. but she couldn't wait.

Thus I went abroad for a job that is really worth it. The pay is good although the place is not, but i sacrificed... for her and my kids. I was looking forward to making our dreams come true...

However, five months in my job abroad, I was devastated when I found out that she is having an affair ONLINE with her old friend from high school. The guy was already separated from his wife several years back and also have kids.

But the worst thing is, my wife told me that she has fallen out of love from me. They never have met in person with the guy and just communicated online but she said she has already fallen in love with him. She even told me at first that she was willing to leave me and my kids for the guy even if they have not met in person yet, so no physical relationship happened.. yet. She said the guy is also working abroad up to end of 2013, thus she told me that anything can still happen and that I should just hang on because her love may also not last. This devastates me the more as she made me a reserve whenever her love for him doesn't succeed.

I can't really think of any reasons why she felt out of love from me, unless she never really loved me in the first place and her intense feelings in our early years is just infatuation. But my question is, as we were sweethearts for about 3 years, if it was only infatuation, couldn't it have vanished already by that time?

I always pride myself to be a good person, husband and father. I am a devote Christian as well. I don't have vices.. don't smoke, don't drink much and never a womanizer. That is why it is hard for me to understand why she did this to me.. or why her love for me, as she claims flew away. But she too can't really give me an answer why.

I hope I could have some pieces of your insights.

Thank you.

PNG24

 

[BjornFree]

Sorry you're here friend, stick around for a while and you'll have excellent advice coming your way.

She said the guy is also working abroad up to end of 2013, thus she told me that anything can still happen and that I should just hang on because her love may also not last. This devastates me the more as she made me a reserve whenever her love for him doesn't succeed.
PNG24

You have no obligation to hang on to anybody in your life. Understand that if a woman is willing to walk away from you and your kids, she does not deserve to be your wife and also realize that none of what is happening is your fault.

If i were you I would silently file for divorce and have her served. Do not be the back up plan. Please read this article, very powerful.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html

 

[AngryandUsed]

Now you are abroad, and find out she has an online affair.

She says she has no love for you, and is willing to leave you for her lover. And why does she want you to stay abroad?

I dont understand.

Did she really love you?

 

[B1]

Curious..How did you find out about the A(affair)?
When did you find out about the A?

She sends you abroad then has a online affair with someone else abroad? ..but you are to hang on because her love for him may not last?

Maybe it's time to make a visit home, talk this out, feel her out. Is she that fragile, or just that conniving? either way both are not good.

Has she asked you to come home?

 

[PNG24]

Yes, it was her who who wanted me to go abroad for work and since I can't contact her as often as I can because the country I am in have really expensive internet connection, I can only call her once or twice a day on skype and can't even do more than 30 minutes with video calls. But the OM who is also abroad in some other country with better internet connectivity, has been calling her all day long, etc. so she claimed she accidentally fallen for the him.

Yes she asked me to come home and see what will happen when I do. I'll be coming home this December for 1 month vacation and we will see what will happen. But I already followed the advice of BjornFree and just let her go.. And he is right that I should keep my dignity intact and don't want to be a backup plan anymore. But anything can still happen when I come home, but I am not anymore going to beg for her to come back to me... I know I deserve someone better than her.

 

[PNG24]

Curious..How did you find out about the A(affair)?
When did you find out about the A?

The OM left a message in her facebook account that she forgot to delete. That's how I confronted her and she was caught and was not able to deny it already.

We used to have each others password for our facebook accounts. A month before I found out about the affair, I was unable to open her facebook account and she refused to give it to me and I was furious. She just told me that she would giver her later. She did and found it clean. Only to realize after I found out about the affair that she was deleting his messages before she gave me her new password.

 

[Dollystanford]

Lovely, so you don't make enough money for her (does she actually have a job or is she sitting at home waiting for you to provide) so she sends you off to earn more money and then cheats as soon as you're gone

You need to get back home, have it out with her, look in her eyes and tell her you won't be anyone's second best. You certainly won't be working your ass off in another country, away from your family, paying for your wife to have her dalliances without the old man hanging around cramping her style

Some chicks!

 

[PNG24]

Lovely, so you don't make enough money for her (does she actually have a job or is she sitting at home waiting for you to provide) so she sends you off to earn more money and then cheats as soon as you're gone

She left her job on her own so she can focus on taking care of our children especially that I am already away. The worst thing of her also is she cannot manage finances properly and just went on spending sprees to buy new clothes, prep herself up to maintain her "beauty"... only to realize that she is doing it of the OM. Really really sucks!

 

[The bishop]

Yeah... She certainly likes the idea of you being away while paying for her lively hood.

 

[TBT]

She left her job on her own so she can focus on taking care of our children especially that I am already away. The worst thing of her also is she cannot manage finances properly and just went on spending sprees to buy new clothes, prep herself up to maintain her "beauty"... only to realize that she is doing it of the OM. Really really sucks!

Children she said she would also willingly leave for OM.Self-centered in my opinion and not much substance as a wife and mother.You all deserve better.

 

[kipani]

Your wife makes me kind of sick. Dollys interpretation of her was spot on. She wanted a sugar daddy and saw you were willing to be one. Taking care of the children eh? Bull! This woman sounds very very conniving and you're just hopelessly in love with a lie of what you thought her to be.

 

[martyc47]

Lovely, so you don't make enough money for her (does she actually have a job or is she sitting at home waiting for you to provide) so she sends you off to earn more money and then cheats as soon as you're gone

You need to get back home, have it out with her, look in her eyes and tell her you won't be anyone's second best. You certainly won't be working your ass off in another country, away from your family, paying for your wife to have her dalliances without the old man hanging around cramping her style

Some chicks!

Yep.
She didn't want OP as a husband. Just a sugar Daddy.
How can you be in a relationship abroad? I understand some people have a duty or obligation or feel a need to work far from home for whatever reason. However, this is not one of those cases. She exiled her husband so he could support her lifestyle and he could get nothing in return.

 

[KnK]

I think she should seek psychiatric care. Anyone who tells her husband to hang around because her love affair may not work out has to have some bad mental issues.

 

[MattMatt]

She would be willing to leave her children for her AP? Even with her faithful husband being abroad? Huh? Or rather

If you can get a new job back home to save your children being dumped by her in foster care or in a children's home, or worse, do it ASAP.

Your wife is living in a dangerous fantasy world that might be endangering your children.

 

[moxy]

It sounds to me like she is using you for the financial security you provide, but wants to be with someone else instead. Time to draw a line that says "if you want my money, you have to hand over your heart." If she's not interested in really being married to you, don't support her financially anymore!

 

[DavidWYoung]

Any woman that would leave her kids to be with another man and his kids is just BROKEN. Earn enough money at your present job to quit and start a new life with a new women. Life will be racing ahead, weather you are on it or not.
Your wife is not your wife anymore, nor is she your friend or lover or whatever...she is just an air breathing POS. Start your new life, like Jesus did after three days.... God has given you a new day to enjoy his fruits.... Go forward and do good in his name, and dump this BITC#!

 

[Plan 9 from OS]

Hello.
However, five months in my job abroad, I was devastated when I found out that she is having an affair ONLINE with her old friend from high school. The guy was already separated from his wife several years back and also have kids.

But the worst thing is, my wife told me that she has fallen out of love from me. They never have met in person with the guy and just communicated online but she said she has already fallen in love with him. She even told me at first that she was willing to leave me and my kids for the guy even if they have not met in person yet, so no physical relationship happened.. yet. She said the guy is also working abroad up to end of 2013, thus she told me that anything can still happen and that I should just hang on because her love may also not last. This devastates me the more as she made me a reserve whenever her love for him doesn't succeed.

OP, I'm confused. You said the guy was a HS friend of your wife's, but you proceed to state that the two of them have never met before. I'd hate to accuse you of being a troll, so if you could clarify this then it would be helpful for the group. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt and that your story is true.

 

[controlledchaos]

OP, I'm confused. You said the guy was a HS friend of your wife's, but you proceed to state that the two of them have never met before. I'd hate to accuse you of being a troll, so if you could clarify this then it would be helpful for the group. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt and that your story is true.

I think he just worded it badly and meant that they haven't met up/seen each other in person since starting their online relationship.

 

[67flh]

i would put some money into the accounts for the kids, then the rest with you,give her a rude wake up call..

 

[Vanguard]

Serve her with papers. Make it a delightful surprise for her. If I told you the success rate of online relationships transferring to actual relationships you'd cackle in hysteria.

She's using you so she can have a fantasy with some faceless, spineless typist out there somewhere, and yet retain the financial security being fed to her by her husband. And the society in which we live is extremely conducive to this type of behavior.

So don't reward it. File for divorce, kick her out and see how her lover, who is for all practical purposes, a computer monitor, takes care of her. She'll come crying back to you begging for a second chance.

Then smile and tell her no.