[Rob_1]

I’ve been managing to stay strong lately, but the few times I cross paths with her, like today, it feels as if I’ve been punched in the gut by Mike Tyson. The bottom falls out, emotionally.

I hate to state the obvious, but she's left you. Have you filed for divorce?

Dude, if you haven't done it. I behooves you to at least be legally prepared. You need a lawyer no matters what. at least do that if you haven't done it.

 

[BRL]

I know it eventually will, but right now it doesn't feel like I’ll ever get over her/this and begin feeling better. I have my days, but outside of that, I'm tortured.

 

[Evinrude58]

I know it eventually will, but right now it doesn't feel like I’ll ever get over her/this and begin feeling better. I have my days, but outside of that, I'm tortured.

We have all been there and know too well how you are feeling. The pain lessens so slowly it truly is torture. But honestly, getting a new future going and forcing yourself to take steps to get her out of your life is the only way to get out of the torture chamber faster. That’s why a lot of us post here. We remember so clearly how painful it is, and hate so badly to see others go through it. It took me two years to get to the point of feeling decent. For over a year, I dreaded waking up in the morning and the feeling of it all engulfing me at the first moment of consciousness where I could remember what my life was like.
But I tell you, you are truly needlessly suffering. I was 41 when my ex wife pulled her bs and started cheating and wanted a divorce. My life has gotten better and better since she left. Even financially I’m better off. Don’t dread being alone. It’s really pretty awesome. And you will get to date beautiful women like you can’t imagine. Go places, do whatever you want. Being single is no death sentence, it just feels that way now.

Let go of your black cloud. Wishing the best for you.

 

[Rob_1]

I know it eventually will, but right now it doesn't feel like I’ll ever get over her/this and begin feeling better. I have my days, but outside of that, I'm tortured.

Have you ever watched one of those movies where the dude is being tortured in order to extract the info out of him, but he knows that if he talks they will kill him and his family afterwards, in order to eliminate any potential witness. That's you, you keep going through the torture day after day, never giving up your dignity, your self respect, your pride, and your manhood. You want her and your soul to see that to her you already died; that there's no coming back.

The pain will linger, but day after day it will diminish more and more until one day you wake up and it's not longer an issue. Just gather your inner strength, and don't behave pathetically in front of her. Let her see a secure detached man that no longer gives a ****e if she's dead or alive.

 

[Cynthia]

@BRL,

Have you got an attorney? Have either of your started the divorce process?

After doing a bit of investigating, keeping my eyes open and my mouth shut, I don't believe she has been involved with anyone else during this. She hasn't mentioned anything about moving out for awhile now, and claimed the “end goal” is for things to work out and us remain together, but she remains cold and distant more often than not.

I looked back over your posts and noticed the above. Sigh. She is clearly and obviously involved with someone else. You may not have found any actual evidence, but there is a list of things she's doing that make it clear that there is another man.

Here are some of the signs:

• Change in sex life.
• Negative attitude changes. You notice that your spouse becomes adversarial. She blame shifts and is irritable. Worse attitude. Treating you like an object. She no longer shows appreciation for your contribution.
• Defensiveness. If your spouse was already defensive, she is now even more defensive.
• Guarding her phone
• Taking phone calls or texting outside of normal living areas. For example, going out on the porch or to the bathroom to use the phone. Being secretive about phone.
• She isn’t relating to you the way she did before. The connection you had seems to be waning or gone.
• Unexplained absences. She doesn’t come home on time or is out late at night. She says she’s with her friends or had to work late, but there is no change in her paycheck.
• Suddenly seems disinterested in you for no reason.
• Stops doing things she did before that showed she cared. This could be anything from not doing dishes with you to not filling up your water bottle when she fills hers up if she would normally do that.
• Not doing chores that she normally is responsible for. For example, not cooking for you or the family if she normally does that. Basically she stops caring about her home and home life, detaches, and neglects her responsibilities and duties.

And the #1 issue that you have seen, drum roll....
According to Laura Charanza, the number one sign that someone is cheating is change in appearance. They become more concerned with their appearance and may dress better, start going to the gym, change their hair style, etc.

It’s important for you to recognize and acknowledge that your wife has been unfaithful. There is another man. It will help you move forward if you are able to make this step.

 

[BRL]

Have any of you used some sort of intermediary, post-divorce? If so, how did you go about accomplishing this?

 

[CrAzYdOgLaDy]

I know it eventually will, but right now it doesn't feel like I’ll ever get over her/this and begin feeling better. I have my days, but outside of that, I'm tortured.

I've been reading through your post and comments and your ex wife seems like an awful person, treats you like trash and hiding phone etc from you.

She has been playing mind games and being emotionally abusive. She seems to get a thrill from hurting you and playing head games.

She isn't a woman you can trust and not the same woman you married and fell in love with. What she is doing isn't love it's cruel.

You deserve so much better. The best thing to do is to go silent, no calls or texts unless about the children. Ignore everything else from her because she will start her mind games to get what she wants. Value yourself more and know you can do much much better. Don't lower yourself to her level. Good luck moving forward.


I also believe she is and has been cheating. Possibly serial cheater. So sorry.


Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk

 

[Cynthia]

Have any of you used some sort of intermediary, post-divorce? If so, how did you go about accomplishing this?

Do you mean for communication about the children? This would be something to speak to your attorney about. I don't think you can use an intermediary without court approval.
There are apps that you can use to discuss only children related issues. You can give your attorney access to it as well.

 

[Evinrude58]

BRL,
I was told this on TAM and did not believe it:

At some point, it took two years and a beautiful Russian for me, you will reach indifference toward your kids mom. You don’t need an intermediary then. Until then, they have an APP as mentioned that you can communicate through. Might be helpful.