[Openminded]

Certainly you can stay in a dysfunctional marriage, with unresolved issues, for decades (I did) but it doesn't benefit any of you — especially children. Parents often think their children don’t have a clue that there are problems in the marriage but they do. And they frequently repeat that when they grow up.

 

[BRL]

She’s moving out.

 

[marko polo]

I’m not at all proud to admit that we got into the most hellacious fight last night, which went on for hours. She had been drinking by the time I got home from work, snapped at me over asking a simple question, and things went to complete and utter ** from there. The more she drank, the more ** lies came out of her mouth and I got weak and finally snapped back. It got ugly.

She’s already made moves to move out.

It got ugly. You are a glutton for punishment and I fear too stubborn and weak to learn to walk away until it is too late for you. You are likely to find yourself jailed. All it will take is a false allegation from her to the police and you are done.

Do not be alone with her if you can help it. ESPECIALLY if she is drunk.
She is not a person you can reason with. You will NEVER have the truth from her so stop wasting your time trying to ask for it. The truth is just a carrot she can dangle in front of you. She will always pull it away.

"It's not always so easy to just walk when you have time and feelings invested in someone. Add to that, 3 kids. "

The problem is that only YOU have feelings invested in her. You are but an appliance, a tool to her to be used or set aside as needed. You may not find it easy to walk away from her but she suffers no such difficulty in leaving you. You will not find walking away any easier if she chooses to destroy your reputation and the end result lands you in jail.

3 kids are better off in two separate homes where one, yours in theory, is peaceful, loving and ordered.

Start using better judgement and making sound decisions as hard and painful as they may be before you lose any and all opportunity.

 

[Rob_1]

Start using better judgement and making sound decisions as hard and painful as they may be before you lose any and all opportunity.

I doubt this dude can make sound decisions when he refuses, or is unable to see reality, instead he's looking for an outcome of which he just can't accept that is not in his hands to produce.

When you read comments like this:

It very likely is.

It's not always so easy to just walk when you have time and feelings invested in someone. Add to that, 3 kids.

It tells you everything. It's nothing but excuses, excuses to refuse to accept that is over. Regardless of being easy or not, painful or not, refusing to see reality always makes things so much harder.

So often people that are so afraid, or can't seem to find the courage to accept the reality of the situation and move forward use the kids as an excuse to stay put in their stance to fix a relationship that already has an expiration past due.

 

[Mr.Married]

Well it’s great she is moving out. Someone has to have a pair of balls…. might as well be her.

 

[BRL]

Well it’s great she is moving out. Someone has to have a pair of balls…. might as well be her.

What a cute comment, tough guy. I’m not leaving MY house because she wants to be stupid. She can, and will leave her damn self.

 

[blackclover3]

What a cute comment, tough guy. I’m not leaving MY house because she wants to be stupid. She can, and will leave her damn self.

What he means

You need to stop talking, messaging and anything related to her. Consider her dead or doesn't exists.

 

[Tron]

Kinda late to this party, but when she was drunk and unruly you should have turned around and left the house. Nothing good was going to come from those discussions. Stand firm as the hurricane swirls around you.

From what I am gathering in your thread there are a lot of red flags that she could be cheating, but nothing concrete. She has done it before so why not now, right? Keep searching if you can.

You have mentioned it, but this could also very well be mental issues. With a family history of it, a lot of this crap you are dealing with could easily be depression, undiagnosed bi-polar or borderline PD. Some of these issues are treatable. Has she ever seen a psychiatrist?

 

[jlg07]

She’s moving out.

If she is moving out and leaving the kids to YOU -- I would say with a lot of certainty, there is another man/woman involved in her decision. Check her phone bill....

 

[Beach123]

It very likely is.

It's not always so easy to just walk when you have time and feelings invested in someone. Add to that, 3 kids.

People do it all the time and go on to be happy and productive.

Continue making her uncomfortable enough to leave sooner.

 

[BRL]

She’s moved out, officially.

She’ll have the kids on her off days, I’ll have them on mine.

 

[blackclover3]

She’s moved out, officially.

She’ll have the kids on her off days, I’ll have them on mine.

congrats, how did it go? do you still talk to her. has she tried to get back to you

 

[BRL]

congrats, how did it go? do you still talk to her. has she tried to get back to you

It went semi ok, and she only speaks to me when absolutely necessary.

 

[Tron]

And unless it is about kids, you speak to her...never.

 

[truststone]

There’s a big piece of information I haven't yet disclosed, quite frankly out of embarrassment. A very similar situation happened the last time she got a job 7 years prior. She began working, and soon exhibited the typical signs of cheating. Questioning her only caused her to act out in anger, eventually announce she wanted a divorce and eventually leave for a hotel. It was then I discovered she and her boss were texting back and forth upwards of 200 times per day (”It was. never about anything other than work!”) before admittedly having a one-off.

I don't know why I can't just walk away, but I can't...

She doesn't value you because you cant even value yourself that's the problem with rugsweepting without consequences and you're still afraid to do anything in terms of givinh her consequences. Hence why she whats to leave you and can threaten you with divorce etc and emasculate you because you are unwilling to stand up for yourself..
so ask yourself a question why should she stay with you ??
why do you want to stay with someone that has NO respect for you and probably had someone over in your marriage bed in your house ??

 

[BRL]

I’ve been managing to stay strong lately, but the few times I cross paths with her, like today, it feels as if I’ve been punched in the gut by Mike Tyson. The bottom falls out, emotionally.

 

[Evinrude58]

Hang in there. It takes a while and it’s too slow getting better. But it WILL get better

 

[Tron]

Hang in there! This gets better over time.

 

[Vorpal]

You’re a good guy and good guys get taken advantage of by bad folks. This is a time to be active and careful. See a lawyer and move ahead with divorce. Take care during interactions. TAM is rife with stories of false domestic violence accusations. If you have Y chromosome, automatically you are the villain, the attacker and the one the cops will haul off. Buy and keep a voice activated recorder with you or have a recording app on your phone. Use it. She can rig DV charges and get restraining orders in a snap.

 

[Cynthia]

I’ve been managing to stay strong lately, but the few times I cross paths with her, like today, it feels as if I’ve been punched in the gut by Mike Tyson. The bottom falls out, emotionally.

I hate to state the obvious, but she's left you. Have you filed for divorce?