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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
This has been a long time issue with my wife, her texting started out in the thousands and is now in the ten thousands. Our last bill showed she had over 15,000 texts. We are 15 days into the next billing cycle and she is already at 5,200 texts total. Keep in mind this does not include the Yahoo IMing she does from her phone, nor her Facebook,…I told her she has a problem and she says she doesn’t. She says woman talk more than men do and she needs the outlet since she can’t talk on the phone because our 2 small children don’t allow her too without interupting. This is upsetting me to no end to say the least. I checked our phone bill online and minute to minute there was a text, from the time she's up (around 8:00) til bed (around 11:00 or 12:00) with only small pauses here and there. I told her it’s ruining our marriage but she does not seem to care, she is still doing it. Her behavior is almost that of an alcoholic who doesn’t think they have a problem nor is it affecting the family. Even on our anniversary she said she would turn her phone off, eventually it got turned on and stayed on, I knew she couldn’t resist. My fault is that I enable her cause I am too passive-aggressive. I am either cool or I am hot, and I don’t like getting to my hot point so I allow it to continue. Divorce has already come up numerous times and was almost executed. What can I do to save our family? I know this is not a cheating issue, just an addiction issue.
 

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Who exactly is she texting? One particular person more than another?

Is the cell bill in your name only? Both your names? If its just in your name but she is on your bill as another line you can have that line dropped.

Also are you the one paying the bill? Tell her unless she is willing to help pay for it she doesn't need to be doing that, its disrespectful and you need to have that line dropped. If she wants to act like a child treat her like one.

If its infact that of an addiction, similar to that of alcohol, then even though she may or may not have a problem, if the phone bill is in your name you really have the control over that. If she wants to text that bad she will find a way to help pay for it.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
The bill is in my name and we have unlimited texting so the bill is not the issue. Dropping the line is marital suicide (not what I am trying to achieve) The texts are all of her girl and guy friends that she reconnected with on FB, CL and other sites. The only cheating going on is with the phone itself. My issue is that this is not healthy behavior and it's not why I got married to her and started a family. I'm sure this is all rubbing off on our kids (we become our parents) I don't want them learning her behavior as they get older. I thought it was just a phase but I was wrong. Just like thinking people will change for the better after we marry them, they change all right...not always for the better. I feel she needs an intervention but don't know how to get her there, denial is a powerful force only second to the power of "the Will".
 

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Ok well since the bill isn't the issue. And dropping the line would be marital suicide. Then guess your hands are tied. You can tell her all day long her texting etc, is ruing the marriage, but until she truly believes it and sees if for herself then she will probably continue on. You said yourself you thought you were part of the problem by enabling her by being passive/aggressive which is the case for most people involved with someone who has an addicted behavior. So really all you can do is take care of you and sit back and watch it continue to spiral out of control. Unless there is something you can come up with that you feel will get your point across to her.
 

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If it were me, I would focus on what I want her TO do, not what I want her NOT to do. Plan things to do together. Make outings with kids. You will have a more concrete way to demonstrate what she is missing vs you text too much. Just a thought.
 

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IMO, addiction or not, people should be held accountable for their actions. You're in a tough spot too. My husband is a recovering alcoholic, after 16 years together and him drinking for that period of time and longer, it finally came to a blow with me calling the cops. Fortunately me doing that was his wake up call. However, even doing something dramatic doesn't always mean it will work. Ever since then he has been in AA and doing great.

I'm not real sure what to tell you though, like you I was passive/aggressive with him and his drinking, my enabling didn't help either of us or the situation.. I could have poured his alcohol out which would have been "marital suicide" as you described, because it doesn't mean they will stop the behavior. maybe google the effects of addictions. Its not going to solve your problem but it might give you a more clear understanding of what may or may not be going on with her. Until she realizes how much harm she is causing and the disconnect there is with you all as a family with her texting etc, there isn't alot you can do. Perhaps lay ground rules and stick by them, which may or may not work, or accept it, or separate. And yes, SOMETIMES it does take the other person do do something drastic to get the other person to wake up. And even that is not a garuntee.

PS. I also agree with what vthomeschoolmom said too. Might be worth a shot.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
vthomeschoolmom has a point, it may or may not work. We have been together for almost 12 years and just celebrated our 10th anniversary. If she can't keep her phone off for our 10th anniversary why would she keep it off or just put it away for any other outing or event with me or family?
I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and it will probably take me walking out to wake her up. The problem here is the kids, they won't understand why I am not here nor what mommy and daddy are going through. They are both under 8 and very attached and already have emotional issues.

AgentD, love your saying, use it all the time. One of my favs is "don't confuse what you feel with what you know". Easier said than done though.
 

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SNAFU - if she's chatting with women AND MEN - what makes you so comfortable that its all innocent?

Heard somewhere that anyone who texts that much is usually either a girl in High School or is texting someone they're very interested in.

And how much time is she really spending with the kids if she's texting this much (in addition to the other pieces you can't measure - like FB and IMs)?
 

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vthomeschoolmom has a point, it may or may not work. We have been together for almost 12 years and just celebrated our 10th anniversary. If she can't keep her phone off for our 10th anniversary why would she keep it off or just put it away for any other outing or event with me or family?
Yowzer. That is rough.
I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and it will probably take me walking out to wake her up. The problem here is the kids, they won't understand why I am not here nor what mommy and daddy are going through. They are both under 8 and very attached and already have emotional issues.
Do NOT leave the house. Speak to a lawyer. If this DOES end game with divorce talk, your leaving can profoundly impact the divorce proceedings and NOT in your favor. If you have to "leave", leave virtually.

Have you tried ultimatum? I mean obviously not if you don't mean to follow through. But it sounds like you mean to follow through.
 

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Does she never do anything with you and the kids? If so, what does she do? When she is with you and the kids is she still all up on her phone? Does she have a job? I'm assuming not because if so with her texting alot and being on social networks I would think she would have lost her job by now, with the way you describe how often she is on there.
 

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Ha! I had a sick idea. The next time she is deep in her texting tell her that you are feeling neglected and since she prefers Facebook you are sure she won't mind your having a woman on the side. :)
 

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Ha! I had a sick idea. The next time she is deep in her texting tell her that you are feeling neglected and since she prefers Facebook you are sure she won't mind your having a woman on the side. :)
Made me laugh! :D If that doesn't get her attention, then yeah you got a deeper problem.

However, maybe try taking the kids out just you. You have some dad time with the kids, go do things together. Ask her if she would like to join you that way she can't come back and say,"well you didn't ask me." If she says no thanks, then go about your business. If you do this for a bit she might wake up and see how much fun you all are having and what she is missing, then again she simply may not care, if that is the case, then at least you know for sure where her priorities are, and then you can proceed from there. Also, with all the texting she is doing, she almost acts like a teenager. That, or someone else has her interest.
 

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My husband complains that I play with my phone too much. He'll simply ask me to put it away. I love my Crackberry LOL
I do not text/Facebook any exes or male friends. I just enjoy keeping in contact with those I care about.
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That's past annoying! She is hooked. I agree with everyone else. I went through that with my estranged husband before he moved out. We couldn't even go out to eat (nice restaurant) without him spending most of the time texting. It was next to impossible to even try to have a nice evening out. Of course, I now know for certain he was texting other women.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I appreciate all the responses, I will reply as I can. I do not spend all day on the computer, I've been out doing yard work :/
 

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Ha! I had a sick idea. The next time she is deep in her texting tell her that you are feeling neglected and since she prefers Facebook you are sure she won't mind your having a woman on the side. :)
What you don't know is that 2 years ago she rediscovered her Bisexuality, has a present girlfriend and we have a somewhat open marriage (the plot thickens). It is easy for a married woman to pick up a girlfriend but married men come off like scumbags, trust me, I know. I have tried looking for someone to spend time with me. So much for that idea :(
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Does she never do anything with you and the kids? If so, what does she do? When she is with you and the kids is she still all up on her phone? Does she have a job? I'm assuming not because if so with her texting alot and being on social networks I would think she would have lost her job by now, with the way you describe how often she is on there.

She does stuff with the family but with phone close by. She just started a job but continues to text, she's that good at hiding it. She gets it in where ever she can, even on the toilet, while driving, or snuggling up to me on the sofa....annoying!
 

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What you don't know is that 2 years ago she rediscovered her Bisexuality, has a present girlfriend and we have a somewhat open marriage (the plot thickens). It is easy for a married woman to pick up a girlfriend but married men come off like scumbags, trust me, I know. I have tried looking for someone to spend time with me. So much for that idea :(
I know of what you speak. In my opinion, for what it is worth, open marriage is a tad more dangerous than swinging. Swinging is a together proposition. But in either case, the ground rule still applies. RUN SCREAMING FROM ANY RISK TO YOUR MARRIAGE. Your wife isn't. This is not good. And she needs a wake up call.
 
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