[marriedandalone]

I've been married to my wife for almost a year. A few months ago my 13 year old son moved in with us because his biological mom didn't want to deal with him (which I do not understand). My son is a good kid but a typical 13 year old with a bit of a smart mouth and little common sense (just like his dad at that age). My wife is an only child and spoiled out the yinyang. She's 41 and still gets a monthly allowance from her parents, you get the idea. My son has done little if nothing to upset her let alone give her reason to despise him as much as she does. My wife and I have had issues in the past (arguing) but have recently gotten to where we get along really well. Last night she told me she wants my son to move out of her house (yes it's HER house that I pay for). I told her sorry, if he goes I go (no brainer) and she seemed fine with that. I'm currently looking for a place to live. My question is; is this a jealousy thing with my wife? I ask her why she hates my son and all she can say is that "he's annoying" (what 13 year old isn't). I'm thinking that she is jealous, wants her "old" life back and now that she has a job (she hasn't worked in over a year while I put her through nursing school) wants to be independent. She's emotionally immature and has no real understanding of life. She's never lost a family member or had to suffer the regular hardships most of us do by the time we're 20. I'm hurt by this and saddened but I'm not about to betray my son for anybody especially a spoiled brat.

 

[NotLikeYou]

Marriedandalone, you simply do not provide enough information in your post for an outsider to answer your question of whether or not your wife is jealous of your son.

If YOU bought and pay for the house, it seems very weird that YOU are the one moving out.

With the little you have said so far, I have to admit that she sounds like she will be a great ex-wife. You won't have to keep in touch with her

 

[PhillyGuy13]

Not taking a side. But your first wife didn't want to deal with the son. Wife #2 isn't a fan. Are you being honest (with yourself) as far as his behavior?

That being said, she seems intolerant. Divorce her. She can go home to mom and dad. They will save on allowance money.

Question- why did you marry her? What was the appeal?

Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Roselyn]

I have an older brother who had the same scenario as you. He married a woman who was 42 years old. She was never married before and had no children. When his son lived with them at age 14, she gradually pushed him out.

Unlike you, my brother was foolish. He sent his son to live with his maternal grandmother. He elected to stay with his selfish, arrogant, and skanky wife. Today, his son is 36 years of age and a father himself. My brother's son has so much abandonment issues, even today. They do not have a good relationship.

Do not sacrifice yourself for a woman who is selfish. My foolish brother is still married to this woman, although he is unhappy. Move on and chose to be with your son. It is important for your son to be loved, especially at this age.

 

[EleGirl]

Yep not nearly enough info.

What did your ex say was the problem with your son? Please elaborate.

Surely your wife says more than just that he annoys her. What rae the problems. If that's all she said, go back and ask her for exact details. Then let us know what she said.

 

[EleGirl]

Marriedandalone, you simply do not provide enough information in your post for an outsider to answer your question of whether or not your wife is jealous of your son.

If YOU bought and pay for the house, it seems very weird that YOU are the one moving out.

With the little you have said so far, I have to admit that she sounds like she will be a great ex-wife. You won't have to keep in touch with her

The OP says that the house belongs to his wife. She must have had it before they married. But he has been making the payments for the last year while she finished nursing school.

 

[staarz21]

So the bio mom didn't want to deal with the son any longer and the current wife has an issue with the son as well.

That seems quite strange. What did the bio mother tell you as far as her issues were with your son?

From what you've said, your wife seems unreasonable...however, It's really hard to believe that two people have now said that your son needs to go, yet he is a wonderful child....I'm guessing he isn't so nice when you're not around.

 

[EleGirl]

I've been married to my wife for almost a year. A few months ago my 13 year old son moved in with us because his biological mom didn't want to deal with him (which I do not understand). My son is a good kid but a typical 13 year old with a bit of a smart mouth and little common sense (just like his dad at that age). My wife is an only child and spoiled out the yinyang. She's 41 and still gets a monthly allowance from her parents, you get the idea. My son has done little if nothing to upset her let alone give her reason to despise him as much as she does. My wife and I have had issues in the past (arguing) but have recently gotten to where we get along really well. Last night she told me she wants my son to move out of her house (yes it's HER house that I pay for). I told her sorry, if he goes I go (no brainer) and she seemed fine with that. I'm currently looking for a place to live. My question is; is this a jealousy thing with my wife? I ask her why she hates my son and all she can say is that "he's annoying" (what 13 year old isn't). I'm thinking that she is jealous, wants her "old" life back and now that she has a job (she hasn't worked in over a year while I put her through nursing school) wants to be independent. She's emotionally immature and has no real understanding of life. She's never lost a family member or had to suffer the regular hardships most of us do by the time we're 20. I'm hurt by this and saddened but I'm not about to betray my son for anybody especially a spoiled brat.

Why did you marry her? You don't like your life. You have zero good to say about her.

 

[Cynthia]

Your primary responsibility is to your son. If your wife cannot handle that, she is a low life. The kid is 13. He didn't just suddenly appear. She knew you had a son.
For the life of me, I cannot understand why anyone would marry, let alone stay with someone who hates their children.
If you stay with her, one day you may find yourself without her and your son not wanting to have anything to do with you either.
Kids and parents are a package deal. If someone is against my children, they are not welcome in my home. I have seriously cut off people who I felt were harming my children's psychological well-being and did not allow them in my home. That includes a close family member who I cut out of my life due to their behavior towards my children.

 

[lifeistooshort]

We really need to know why your son's mother doesn't want to deal with him. It would provide a much better idea of what's going on. Not hard to imagine a stepmom not wanting to deal with him but his own mother too? Something more is going on besides him being annoying.

 

[Dogbert]

Is it so hard to understand that just like there are selfish men, that there are also selfish women? The basic facts are that a mother has thrown her child back at her ex-husband and that his newlywed wife hates his son. Both actions speak very loudly of both women's characters.

 

[frusdil]

Hi OP, I'm a stepmum to a beautiful 10 year old girl, who has just been diagnosed with ASD. I mention that because we have dealt with melt downs, shocking behaviour and tantrums that can go for hours. I was actually the one who noted that something was different about her and pushed my husband to get her assessed. I'll also add that I am 42, and have no bio children. I met my husband when I was 37, so a woman's age isn't always necessarily related to tolerance of a childs behaviour

My point is, that for your sons bio mum to reach her limit with him to the point of sending him to you to live, are you sure he is a "typical teenager" as you say? That's a pretty drastic action on his mum's part, it wouldn't happen for no reason.

How long have you and your wife been divorced? Could he be having a delayed reaction to that?

Have he and your new wife gotten along in the past? My girl and I have always had a good relationship...first as friends, then good friends and now it's evolved to a mother-daughter type relationship (without taking ANYTHING away from her mum).

Can you give us some more information?

 

[EleGirl]

Is it so hard to understand that just like there are selfish men, that there are also selfish women? The basic facts are that a mother has thrown her child back at her ex-husband and that his newlywed wife hates his son. Both actions speak very loudly of both women's characters.

Sure there are shellfish women. No one person here is saying that there are not.

The issue is however there is a chance here that the boy is a problem. 13 year old boys often behave very different towards their mother and step mother than they do when their father is around.

The OP has not given us much of any info about what the problems were/are. Instead he spends most of his post trashing his wife.

Kids can be very manipulative. Here's an example of how it works sometimes.

I have a step son how came to live with me full time when he was 12. When he was with his mother he behaved. When he was with his father he behaved. When he was a alone with me he was a monster. Yes a monster. He did things like came at me with a pretty heavy weight chain trying to beat me with it. He had a mouth on him that would make a sailor cringe. I could fill a book with the horrific things he did when his mother and father were not there.

I'm not saying that this is what the OP's sons is doing. But there are some big missing pieces in the OP's story so far.

 

[staarz21]

Is it so hard to understand that just like there are selfish men, that there are also selfish women? The basic facts are that a mother has thrown her child back at her ex-husband and that his newlywed wife hates his son. Both actions speak very loudly of both women's characters.

Yeah, we know there are selfish women.

But TWO women have rejected this kid. We are curious as to why.

 

[Dogbert]

Yeah, we know there are selfish women.

But TWO women have rejected this kid. We are curious as to why.

Perhaps also because the father has a lousy partner picker.

The kid has, for all practical purposes, become a motherless child, so should the OP throw him out as well and complete the parental abandonment started by his mother?

 

[EleGirl]

Perhaps also because the father has a lousy partner picker.

The kid has, for all practical purposes, become a motherless child, so should the OP throw him out as well and complete the parental abandonment started by his mother?

Those who are asking questions are trying to clarify as the situation could go either way from what the OP said: two selfish women or a 13 year old boy who is acting out and his father does not recognize it.

The solution is different depending on which one it is.

No one has suggested throwing him out.

 

[SoVeryLost]

The kid's parents are divorced, he's at a vulnerable age, his biological mother basically abandoned him, and he can tell that his new stepmom hates him. I feel beyond sorry for this child. I'm absolutely certain he can be a bit of a handful given those circumstances, whether the OP is being fully candid about that or not. His behavior isn't the point, or even a question.

If things are that tumultuous in "your wife's" house - then yes, get out of there and save your child. Get him in counseling and into a healthy home environment where he'll actually have a chance.

 

[6301]

Your wife knew that you had a son and on any given and should know you come as a package deal. If she can't understand that then move on.

I was a 13 year old boy once. Long time ago 1961 when I hit the magic 13 but just because he's 13 doesn't give him the right to fire off his mouth. Your the dad and when he does, smart mouth part of your job being a dad is judge, jury and executioner. Time for you to let him know that bad attitude and smart mouthing ain't cutting it. Curb it now befroe it gets worse.

 

[Cynthia]

I think before laying down the law on a 13 year old there first has to be a warm, loving, safe relationship, so respect and honor have already been developed. Yes, it is right to set boundaries and teach him how to be respectful, but that starts by being a good, solid person he trust and relies on. Hopefully you are that kind of father. If not, there is no time to start like the present.
If a parent doesn't have their kids back, who does? We are our children's support system and should be dedicated to their well-being. Anyone who gets in the way of that should get out of the way or be put out of the way.

 

[sisters359]

The fact that your wife gives no real reason other than "he's annoying" is pretty clear evidence that she is looking to pick a fight. She wants out, and he is her scapegoat.

You need to focus on your son and on why YOU are drawn to women who are utterly selfish. Find a therapist to help you work on this. I don't know what behaviors or personality traits such women share in the "getting to know you" stage (abusers come on VERY hard, sweeping their next victim off her feet and so she has NO idea he is rushing her b/c he cannot maintain his good behavior for long, for example--so the rushing into love thing is a red flag for women who know this), but a good therapist will help you figure it out and let you know what to look for so you don't make the same mistake a 3rd time.

Good luck.