Talk About Marriage banner

41 - 43 of 43 Posts

227 Posts children together. She was interested in that but I had a vasectomy before we were married...which she agreed with and even participated in. Divorce is an ugly word and uglier process but change is not one sided and I have come to understand that.
Yes but you must also accept that this isn't the woman you married. You didn't marry a childish, selfish woman who hates your kids for being children. Sure, they may have not been the best behaved kids when they were littler but they weren't the spawns of Satan either. And they have more than made up for their brattiness by being very good kids for years.

You have to put aside the notion that you are dealing with the kind, compassionate wife you thought you had and see her as the mean spirited and irrational woman she is today. You can't reason with her because she doesn't care. Her mind is made up, no matter how ridiculous it sounds, and you cannot change it. You can't wallow and beg for her to come back to you because she doesn't want to. Her blaming you and the kids isn't a reality. It's an excuse because she doesn't want to be with you anymore and she wants it to be everyone else's fault.

Your best bet is to accept this and plan accordingly. If you don't, she will. If you don't detach, see a lawyer, and start treating this like a divorce, she will do it for you and drag you kicking and screaming along. If you step up and stand up for yourself now by making it clear that her behavior will not be tolerated, there is a chance that she will step back and wonder what the hell she is doing and whether or not she actually does want this divorce. She might decide to work it out and be open to hearing how wrong she is and how terrible she's been to your kids. But if you continue to beg, push, and carry on like you are, she will want no part of it and will leave you.

As counter intuitive as it sounds, some chance is better than no chance. Desperation is extremely unattractive especially to someone who already shows you contempt. You have to take your power back and make choices from a point of strength, not weakness and codependency, for her to take notice and think twice.

Get a copy of "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. If you can get access to her phone, email, social media, then do it and look for evidence of an affair. If you pay the phone bill, get copies of the statements with call and text history to check. Plant a VAR (voice activated recorder) in her car. See if this change has come about due to someone else but act and plan as if she is walking away of her own accord until you know for sure.
41 - 43 of 43 Posts