My wife had affair

My wife of 6 years and I have been together for 8 years and have 3 wonderful children, 6, 7 and an 11 year old step son from her previous marriage. Her first marriage ended because she was unfaithful. She was unhappy and they only way to get out of the marriage was to cheat on her now Ex-husband. I knew this coming in to our relationship and did not have a problem with it at all, it happens. We have had our ups and downs, lost track of the little things that make a marriage work. A little less than a month ago we got in to huge argument at the bar and she stormed out. Mainly because she said she was done with this marriage and my only defense was to tell her she had a week to move out. The next couple days were tough. She was distant, looking for an apartment and would not talk to me at all. I appologized for what I had said to her and expressed how much I love her and I wanted her to stay. The next week or so we talked a little and she was determined she was done with the marriage, refused counciling. She said weve been working on this relationship for 8 years and nothings changed. She agreed to a date night with no alcohol involved. I told her i was going to get a hotel so we could be away from the kids and focus on us. I planned a great night, romantic dinner, art galleries and downtown scene. I had the room decked out with flowers and rose petals, music and candles, i even wrote her a poem and framed it. I know too little too late. The whole nine yards. We had a great evening. Talked, took a bubble bath and made love. The next couple weeks were pretty good. Her attitude changed and she was commited to giving us a second chance. Then on a Friday she asked me if she could go have drinks with a friend. I told her of course, i have always trusted and repected her. She got home at 4am and would not return any of my calls or texts. She said her phone was in the car charging. I know she was with her girlfriend because her girlfriend lives close by and when I took the kids for ice cream I saw her truck there. The next week she had seemed a little distant again and every time I tried to talk to her she said I was smothering her. I grew worried. I still trusted her though. The next week I printed my phone bill for work to get reimbursed and noticed an overage of minutes. So double checking everything I see mutiple calls from her phone to the same number. Mostly on weekend and very late night/early morning. I also so 2 calls to this number the night of our fight. I called the number and got a guys voicemail. I immediately brought this to her attention. She told me he was a friend she was going to do pitures for and his son was on our sons baseball team. She said she called him to vent about our relationship because he could not judge either one of us. I started realizing my wife has been talking to another man about our relationship. She told me she ran into him a month and a half ago and she was going to do family pictures for him. She gave him her card.she said they texted a few times to get a session set up. I wasnt convinced so i had all text messages downloaded. There were over 400 to and from him in the past month and a half. All day long first thing in the morning and right before bed. I brought this to her attention and she confessed to being more than just friends, so even after i confronted her she lied to me. The second time i confronted her she came clean. She said she has gone out with him and another couple twice and each night he gave her a good night kiss and thats as far as its gone. What irritates me is this was going on a month before our fight which she blamed me, more than likely to hide her guilt. She called the guy and left him a message stating she would no longer be talking to him. I understand this was a month and a half long affair that she was hiding from me. Im devastated, not about the kisses but that she was this involved with another man via text and phone. Am I over reacting if all they did was kiss? She feels so guilty, understands theres no excuse for what she did and she is ashamed. Were trying to work through it but im not totally convinced all they did was kiss. Now its like the roles have reversed, im shut down and she is smothering me. Please help
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