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I'm a bad husband... I have cheated on her physically two times and emotionally five times. I never got caught, but I would want her to forgive me if I did....

Part of me thinks I should kick her out, but then again, I deserve it ...
You should kick her out? Seriously? Is that your thinking, here?

You want her to be honest with you? That's a two-way street.

Is it possible you are projecting? You had affairs, so you are hoping your wife did, so you can stop feeling so guilty?
 

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I was just recently in the hospital for 5 nights from a UTI that turned into a massive kidney infection within hours after my first symptoms appeared. My husband never accused me on having an affair.

Women can get UTI's from just about anything. My 4 year old daughter has gotten UTI's where she was peeing blood, she surly was not sexually active.

It's unbelievable you are blaming your wife on an affair from a UTI. It's very easy for females to contract UTI's without sexual intercourse. Maybe she didn't shower for a few days, hands were dirty when wiping, bathed in bubble bath or scented salts/balls, or she accidently wiped wrong.

I totally think your in the wrong here. UTI's are easily contracted by the slightest bacteria, even on our hands or bath products.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Maybe she didn't. Maybe I'm wrong. It just looks bad, with all the other clues (Facebook messages). I don't know ...
 

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Even if she did, I deserve it.
Yes, our marriage has been hard. And 90 percent of it has been my fault. But I want to save it.
Not all of it has been bad. We have a lot of happy memories. We were so in love at first ...
We have a lot to look forward to, too.
 

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Women can get UTI's from just about anything. My 4 year old daughter has gotten UTI's where she was peeing blood, she surly was not sexually active.

It's unbelievable you are blaming your wife on an affair from a UTI. It's very easy for females to contract UTI's without sexual intercourse. Maybe she didn't shower for a few days, hands were dirty when wiping, bathed in bubble bath or scented salts/balls, or she accidently wiped wrong.

I totally think your in the wrong here. UTI's are easily contracted by the slightest bacteria, even on our hands or bath products.
:iagree::iagree::iagree:

The doctor who treated my first wife (deceased) and subsequent doctors who treated my two daughters for UTI said exactly the same thing as I'mInLoveWithMyHubby. They said it has in large part to do because a human female's urethra is shorter than a human male's urethra, and thus much closer to bacterial sources that can cause the UTI.

It may be your guilty conscience - see movie 'The Machinist' - that could be at play here.
 

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Dude...I was going to reply to this seriously until I got to the part when you said how many times you cheated on her.

Just let her go.

I will never be able to understand why people stay in these relationships and call it a marriage.

Even if you think she doesn't know you cheated, surely she has an idea. Just like you had your own suspicion about her. What kind of torture must you both go through all the time constantly lying to each other, being suspicious and covering your tracks all the time. Why do you even want to continue this marraige?
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I can't believe I forgot to include this detail:

The medical record also showed in the notes that she was also tested for Chlamydia during the same visit. She said this is standard practice. Has anybody heard of that?
 

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IMO, yep, she cheated on you. BUt you also say you have done the same thing AND have been a crappy husband.

SO...if you wanna save the marriage

1. DONT EVER tell her you cheated! Purge this stuff to God/Priest if you are religious and/or forgive yourself and forget about it. Biggest mistake you could make if trying to level cheating field in a weird way to make her think, "see honey, I did the same so I forgive you"... dont do it

2. Get into mariage counseling FAST

3. See a doctor about your PTSD...before the army, would you have considered yourself a hard guy to live with? If so, then maybe you arent cut out for a marriage.
 

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Most spouses tell each other any time they go to the doctor, even for minor things or checkups, so if she went to the doctor for this and didn't tell you, it's probably something she's trying to hide, just like the Facebook messages, the messages about wanting to be with him instead of you, the messages to send her stuff and leave his name off of the packages, etc.

It adds up to her having an affair.

How do you know she doesn't know about your affairs? In my experience, women generally are more intuitive and able to pick up on subtle behavioral clues than are men. Maybe she could sense something was off?

Start being honest with your wife. Make a full confession to her. Then ask her to tell you the truth and hope she reciprocates. Then see if you want to work on your marriage. This is a very hard course with a lot of pain up front, especially with the other things that are causing you problems, but it is something you have to go through to get where you want to be.

The path you are on now will not lead to a good life. It's a hard road to get where from you are now to a good life, but if you face it head on and persist you will get there.
 

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I got an UTI while I was pregnant with my second child. It was caused by hormonal changes. The doctor said once you have had an UTI, you are highly more susceptible to them from then on.

I have nothing productive to say otherwise as to your marriage.
 

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The medical record also showed in the notes that she was also tested for Chlamydia during the same visit. She said this is standard practice. Has anybody heard of that?
Yep. Symptoms of UTI cross paths with symptoms of chlamydia. You need to remember there's a little bit of difference between being tested for chlamydia and being treated for chlamydia. However, she may need to have a better class of boyfriend if he's passing chlamydia around. But he's has at least on good quality. He's doesn't call her a stupid****. Like my uncle Lonnie sez, "you must really love and respect her" Now, you've got me comparing him to you. ;)
 

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UTI is inconclusive, but everything else, the messages, VD check, no return address, clearly tells you that you were being adulterated. No question. But, you're in an open marriage anyway, it's just that y'all haven't put it in the open with each other. Take her to a swinger's club and have fun.
 
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