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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Allmost a week ago on my way back from a work trip i found out from my neighboor that a guy was trying to hit on my wife on facebook. i asked her and she said yeah he did and she told him that she was married and not interested and the man wouldnt leave her alone. i signed into her facebook because we both have our passwords saved into the computer and found some things a little more disturbing. I found the messages from the man , and he was telling my wife that shes sexy and hott and this and that and she was tellling him thank you, she then did go on to tell him she was married. But i also found numerous other messages from other men, harmless conversation but long conversations. I was a little upset at this, then i remembered that when we first got together she got on yahoo messenger alot and talked to guys. I then asked for her to show me her yahoo account and things got crazy, she didnt want to show me. After 5 hours of begging and pleading i finnaly got her to show me and i was astounded at what i saw. She was webcamming with men while i was away on work, and there was a perticular man she very much enjoyed talking to. She went as far as to tell this man it was her favorite part of the day to talk to him. they shared pictures of theyre selves ( nude ) and she went on to tell him she would "leave him speachless". i was very crushed over this, just knowing my wife was somewhat emotionally envoled with this person and "wanting" him and not myself. Im not goin to say im a saint, i have not been the greatest of a husband lately. i realize i put alot of things before my wife and i realize alot has to change on my part. She told me she still loves me but we have grown apart. I would like to get things back to the way they were and i need some help, getting over this yahoo incident and help with ways to make things better , things i can do to show her i love her and still care. thank you for your help.
 

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If this is what you have managed to find, there must be more info that will never be found, deleted messages, conversations, etc. It seems she has found hobby which she enjoys more than putting effort into working on her marriage. What if you had not confronted her about the yahoo account? do you think she would've just stopped? Even now, just b/c you confronted her does not mean she will stop this behavior. There is no way of knowing how far she has gone or if she has even met any of these people in person.

You want to do all you can do to make things better, when in fact,she too should be doing all she can to 'make things better'. But who knows how long this has been going on. Your neighbor thankfully gave you a heads up because she was not ever going to.

You need to look out for yourself. Be prepared to find more things if you keep looking. Sometimes people like her take a 'break' but then continue, They just get sneakier about what they do. Sometimes it's good to keep tracking and not say anything. Perhaps you should start several fake accounts and try and get at her and see what she does.
 

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Does your cheating wife show any remorse?

Has she promised to stop the cyber-sex video shows?

Are you sure she hasn't physically fvcked any of these guys?

How did your neighbor know that your wife was being "hit on" on FB?

Does your wife work?

How long have you been married? Any kids?

I'll end with this: Your wife's behavior is not your fault. Don't let her blameshift. Cheating is not acceptable, and there is no excuse for it. If she wanted to fvck other guys and put on nude video shows for her cyber-boyfriends, then she should have divorced you first. I would wager that she's been doing this throughout your marriage.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
true true. i dont get down with yahoo tho. i mean all these people are in other states so its more like a fantasy thing but it still hurts reading those words. i havent mentioned some things that maybe i should have. I have a serious anger issue, never violent but verbal. I have a real short fuse and i blow up on the dumbest **** without realizing it. for a while i was spending way too much time on my laptop. i was completely ignoring my wife and daughter. after sex i would immediatly hop on facebook or a game i was playing on my laptop. like my sony vaio was my wife and jess was the lazy ***** in the way. I allways have a couple of friends at the house, and i have some what of a drug problem. now since ive said those things a different light has shined on this whole situation hasnt it. Over the last week i have deactivated my facebook, 1 person was over my house for like 10 minutes yesterday and i havent really touched my laptop or phone since this has all happen. i have been spending more time with my daughter and giving my wife alot more attention. i have slowed down on my drug use but have not completely stopped. i honestly dont thing ill ever quit smoking green ( we both do that ) but my pill use has went down considerably. We have actually done family projects together and me and my wife have had straight amazing sex every night since. i just stil have the line " leave you speachless" stuck in my head. I mean i mostly need some tips on being a better husband, and things i can do special for her or activity idea to do together, we enjoy board games and art, weve ben working on two canvases together. and a puzzle. one major problem we have is a vehicle . we dont have one so were stuck in the house all day everyday. we kind of run outta **** to talk about. some conversation starters would be nice. idk what do you think?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
no just this last work trip i took to the city that lasted 12 days.she didnt erase her convo history. and my neighboor knew because my wife asked him ( infront of his wife which are our bestfriends ) what she should do. but she didnt think it would get her caught up. she showed that she was upset about getting caught and i think she realized what she was doing was wrong. and she has promised to stop . i changed her passwords that night but realized it would have done no good if she really wanted to she could make a new account. so i changed them back and told her it was freewill if she got on it or not. she said she was done. im really happy in the direction of where we are goin but i need some help keeping on track and ideas on things to do together with her to keep things interesting. dinner and a movie is played out if you know what i mean.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
lol yall are brutal. i thought this was coping with fidelity , i didnt realize it was the blaming game thread, or the treat that ***** like the ***** she is thread lol. i just want some advice on how to keep things interesting and not boring like they have been you know.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
oh lets not forget this too. i told her if she put in the password i wouldnt blow up, and we would wake up the next day like it never happen as long as it doesnt happen again. and like i said its my laptop.shes using it while im gone. i can put a pasword on it so she cant even use it but that shows no trust i dont want it to get to that.
 

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lol yall are brutal. i thought this was coping with fidelity , i didnt realize it was the blaming game thread, or the treat that ***** like the ***** she is thread lol. i just want some advice on how to keep things interesting and not boring like they have been you know.
You're apparently missing the magnitude of the problem. Some "conversations starters" aren't going to solve the your issues.

I'm sorry.
 

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You're going about this the wrong way. It's not for YOU to show you trust her. It's for HER to show that she can be trusted.

Dude, she's been cyber-sexing with other men. Where's your head at? Do you realize that she was orgasming thinking about other men? Not to be harsh, but you need to see things clearly and you are not. She's addicted to this and she won't stop. I promise you. People rarely quit cold turkey. She's already looking for other ways to not get caught. Worse, she may take it from the computer to the motel room, if you catch my drift. She wants sex with other men.

You're also rugsweeping and blaming yourself too much. Okay, you weren't the best husband. Try to make amends for that but do not enable her cheating by accepting that you were the bad guy. She's not going to to see you as this great guy overnight. She's going to think, okay he's scared. She's empowered by this.
 

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Do you really want to play detective for the rest of your marriage? Usually when you catch a spouse once, means she evaded you a lot more. You can't truly love & respect someone & send nude pictures to other guys. Chances are she's had sex with some of them or why exchange photos?? My 1st wife cheated, I only caught her once, but she was bar hopping with friends & lying to me. Thank God she divorced me, it didn't afford me any chances to excuse her & I was better off.
 

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You're going about this the wrong way. It's not for YOU to show you trust her. It's for HER to show that she can be trusted.

Dude, she's been cyber-sexing with other men. Where's your head at? Do you realize that she was orgasming thinking about other men? Not to be harsh, but you need to see things clearly and you are not. She's addicted to this and she won't stop. I promise you. People rarely quit cold turkey. She's already looking for other ways to not get caught. Worse, she may take it from the computer to the motel room, if you catch my drift. She wants sex with other men.

You're also rugsweeping and blaming yourself too much. Okay, you weren't the best husband. Try to make amends for that but do not enable her cheating by accepting that you were the bad guy. She's not going to to see you as this great guy overnight. She's going to think, okay he's scared. She's empowered by this.
I know what they are saying seems harsh, but they are correct. If the other oerson doesn't feel sone remorse they won't change and the only wsy to feel remorse is for her to really understand how much she hurt you. In order to see your hurt you have to be vulnerable enough to show it. I get the feeling your an alpha take control kind of guy, that means your first instinct is to take control and fix it. Unfortunately that won't work here, she has got to change too. Interenet sex and sexting are usually the precursors to having affairs. Its the get my feet wet first befor I actually get out there and try it for real. Something you might want to remember is womens aporoach to intimacy is first the intellectual (mind) then the physical...this is why women are more accepting of long distance relationships, where men don't consider it a relationship till you actual met the person physically. So I am saying that sexting and internet sex are more serious when a women does it. My best advise would be to keep working at it..talking to her but be more cautious and don't give your trust to quickly. Let her know the impact of her actions.
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Trust but verify. At the very least installation key logger on your laptop so you can verify the umm "chatting" with other men has stopped.
 

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Whoa, I missed this...
She was webcamming with men while i was away on work, and there was a perticular man she very much enjoyed talking to. She went as far as to tell this man it was her favorite part of the day to talk to him. they shared pictures of theyre selves nude..
Your wife is having an affair. Read some of the threads in CWI from guys that "got over it" the first time, the second time, the third time...get my drift? Take this seriously if you want to keep your family.
 

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lol yall are brutal. i thought this was coping with fidelity , i didnt realize it was the blaming game thread, or the treat that ***** like the ***** she is thread lol. i just want some advice on how to keep things interesting and not boring like they have been you know.

First off you need to read the newbie post that gives you some of the terms so you can understand what rug sweeping is or you can google it. I didn't see the newbie page and I googled some of the terms as they related to infidelity.

But now here comes the reality from a guy who didn't listen..

You love her ?
You want her back ?

Then you have to do the opposite of what your thinking and listen to people here. Why ?

I will tell you why. Because everyone here told me what to do. My friends told me what to do, which was similar to what was being told here.

I didn't do that so today I am waiting for my lawyer to finish writing up the paperwork for the divorce I don't want and I am loosing the women I loved for 19 years and my 2 kids..

On top of all of this my wife has treated me like a piece of Sh.it as she continues to communicate with her boyfriend while I am home.

You know why my wife is leaving me ? I was on the computer too much and I was. But from the very first day of counseling which was Sept. 29, 2012 I have not been on the computer in my home. That 27 inch iMac is collecting dust.

The sad thing is she NEVER, EVER said a word or complained to me about it. Instead she had an affair.

Thought computer use does not = Affair.

I will pretend it does. Computer use = Affair.

But then why is she leaving me. Why didn't she fight for my marriage like I am. Why didn't she fight for my kids..

Why the fu,ck is she leaving me for this financial and insecure looser that calls my house looking for her when he can't get her on the cell phone.

Why did he have a public page of him and a married women ( my wife ) on facebook ? Why didn't my wife object to it and tell him " Hey I'm still married, my family and friends find out it won't look nice". Instead she didn't care.

Why is the contact picture on her iphone when he calls a picture of him and her.

I never beat my wife, Never abused her.. Never abused the kids. We never had to cry over a dollar.

Her sole reason was the computer..

Don't be me.. Trust me its not fun..

Don't take stuff personal. What people are trying to do is be tough for you, because you can't right now.

Listen to what people here are telling you and do it.. You need to show her your all business and not messing around with this..

Look if it was cancer you wouldn't wait around 2 or 3 months right.. Well this is marriage cancer. You need to address this fast, quick and sternly..
 

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lol yall are brutal. i thought this was coping with fidelity , i didnt realize it was the blaming game thread, or the treat that ***** like the ***** she is thread lol. i just want some advice on how to keep things interesting and not boring like they have been you know.
The best thing you've done in a long time is come to this forum and post your situation. Don't blow it by getting defensive and dismissing the advice you're going to get here. So many have gone through what you're going through. They know what's likely to work and what doesn't work. You've never experienced what's happening to you now, so you don't have any idea how to proceed. Sorry, that's just the way it is. You can flounder on your own, or follow expert advice.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
lol. all i can say is wow all of you guys are bitter people. most of you have went through a divorce im guessing. your attitudes are all ****tty. I came here for help, i didnt come here to continue to be unhappy and to keep thinking badly about my wife. shes my everything, and to the comment about the alpha male thing, dude i cried my fu.ckin eyes out for 3 days , not around people , yes because i didnt want other people to see me like that but my wife did, and she held me and assured me everything was gonna be ok. I truely believe that, Im gonna do everything in my power to make that statement right, were still young we have alot of years ahead of us and when the book starts to come to an end im gonna be staring her in the eyes and will tell her i love her. @chubby man this is far from expert advice, why would i want to take advice from these bitter people, this whole fourm is a joke, alot of help here, just people wanting to pass down there depression and shame on to the next guy. i feel sorry for you people. i understand now why im not getting the advice i seek on here, a man that has fixed his marriage doesnt have to mess around on a fourm about fixing their marriage, he's living life. all of the "advice" i have recieved has been from brooding ,grey hearted people .thanks but no thanks.
 
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