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My wife and her ex boyfriend

27K views 181 replies 50 participants last post by  Sufi22 
#1 ·
I'll try to make a long story short -
My wife and I have been married 10 years...very happy...2 wonderful children. She broke down a couple years after we were married and admitted she saw her old boyfriend "a couple times" when we were engaged.
Needless to say, I was shocked.
But I believe her when she says she has been 100% faithful since then.
Like a fool, I wanted some of the details of who and when it happened, and all she would say it was with her ex boyfriend Paul, and it was after we moved into a two-flat just before we got married.
Knowing we moved into that place 3 weeks before our wedding, I can only imagine how close to our wedding day did she sleep with Paul? To this day, she refuses to answer that question.
Anyhow- Paul moved to the east coast quite some time ago, so I was not worried about them ever hooking up again.
Until now.
My wife is going to a wedding in Florida in a couple of weeks with several of the people she used to hang out with. The bride to be is a very good friend of hers, and Paul is part of that circle of friends too.
I cannot attend the wedding due to my job and the kids.
So, she and Paul will be there...alone...together.
Knowing she cheated on me once with him, I am of course worried it will happen again.
This will sound bad - but my wife and I did some "roleplaying" I guess you would say about Paul, which led to some erotic emails between the two of them. The idea was she would never see him again, so who cares what they wrote to each other, right?
But knowing what those emails were about, and knowing he still wants her, will make it a very long weekend.
Part of me thinks that we are fine, and sex with Paul (if it comes to that) can never interfere with the life and family we have now.
What should I tell my wife??
I cannot forbid her to go, but I cannot be with her at the wedding either.
And those emails that I was part of that Paul has no idea she was sharing with me, are going to come back to haunt me I am sure. I do not want to get into the specifics of the emails here, but willing to discuss privatley if anyone is interested.
Anyhow, I'm a wreck already thinking about them together for a couple nights mid-month.
Anything I can do to relax about it a bit more?
Thank you
 
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#2 ·
If she cared about you and your marriage at all, she wouldn't go to that wedding. She doesn't want to own up to her choices or face any consequences for them, and you are willing to go right along with that.

You absolutely can tell her that if she goes to that wedding, your marriage is over. Just like you should have told her that she needs to answer every question or your marriage is over.

She can only walk all over you if you allow it.
 
#43 ·
If she cared about you and your marriage at all, she wouldn't go to that wedding. She doesn't want to own up to her choices or face any consequences for them, and you are willing to go right along with that.

You absolutely can tell her that if she goes to that wedding, your marriage is over. Just like you should have told her that she needs to answer every question or your marriage is over.

She can only walk all over you if you allow it.
I'll try to make a long story short -
My wife and I have been married 10 years...very happy...2 wonderful children. She broke down a couple years after we were married and admitted she saw her old boyfriend "a couple times" when we were engaged.
Needless to say, I was shocked.
But I believe her when she says she has been 100% faithful since then.
Like a fool, I wanted some of the details of who and when it happened, and all she would say it was with her ex boyfriend Paul, and it was after we moved into a two-flat just before we got married.
Knowing we moved into that place 3 weeks before our wedding, I can only imagine how close to our wedding day did she sleep with Paul? To this day, she refuses to answer that question.
Anyhow- Paul moved to the east coast quite some time ago, so I was not worried about them ever hooking up again.
Until now.
My wife is going to a wedding in Florida in a couple of weeks with several of the people she used to hang out with. The bride to be is a very good friend of hers, and Paul is part of that circle of friends too.
I cannot attend the wedding due to my job and the kids.
So, she and Paul will be there...alone...together.
Knowing she cheated on me once with him, I am of course worried it will happen again.
This will sound bad - but my wife and I did some "roleplaying" I guess you would say about Paul, which led to some erotic emails between the two of them. The idea was she would never see him again, so who cares what they wrote to each other, right?
But knowing what those emails were about, and knowing he still wants her, will make it a very long weekend.
Part of me thinks that we are fine, and sex with Paul (if it comes to that) can never interfere with the life and family we have now.
What should I tell my wife??
I cannot forbid her to go, but I cannot be with her at the wedding either.
And those emails that I was part of that Paul has no idea she was sharing with me, are going to come back to haunt me I am sure. I do not want to get into the specifics of the emails here, but willing to discuss privatley if anyone is interested.
Anyhow, I'm a wreck already thinking about them together for a couple nights mid-month.
Anything I can do to relax about it a bit more?
Thank you
OP here....thank you all for the honest responses.
I'll try to make a long story short -
My wife and I have been married 10 years...very happy...2 wonderful children. She broke down a couple years after we were married and admitted she saw her old boyfriend "a couple times" when we were engaged.
Needless to say, I was shocked.
But I believe her when she says she has been 100% faithful since then.
Like a fool, I wanted some of the details of who and when it happened, and all she would say it was with her ex boyfriend Paul, and it was after we moved into a two-flat just before we got married.
Knowing we moved into that place 3 weeks before our wedding, I can only imagine how close to our wedding day did she sleep with Paul? To thihs day, she refuses to answer that question.
Anyhow- Paul moved to the east coast quite some time ago, so I was not worried about them ever hooking up again.
Until now.
My wife is going to a wedding in Florida in a couple of weeks with several of the people she used to hang out with. The bride to be is a very good friend of hers, and Paul is part of that circle of friends too.
I cannot attend the wedding due to my job and the kids.
So, she and Paul will be there...alone...together.
Knowing she cheated on me once with him, I am of course worried it will happen again.
This will sound bad - but my wife and I did some "roleplaying" I guess you would say about Paul, which led to some erotic emails between the two of them. The idea was she would never see him again, so who cares what they wrote to each other, right?
But knowing what those emails were about, and knowing he still wants her, will make it a very long weekend.
Part of me thinks that we are fine, and sex with Paul (if it comes to that) can never interfere with the life and family we have now.
What should I tell my wife??
I cannot forbid her to go, but I cannot be with her at the wedding either.
And those emails that I was part of that Paul has no idea she was sharing with me, are going to come back to haunt me I am sure. I do not want to get into the specifics of the emails here, but willing to discuss privatley if anyone is interested.
Anyhow, I'm a wreck already thinking about them together for a couple nights mid-month.
Anything I can do to relax about it a bit more?
Thank you
I'll try to clarify a few things here....
Fist of all, I appreciate al the responses, and I know I deserve the more harsh ones.
Anyhow, I'm not going to tell my wife she CANT go to one of her best friends weddings. I know its important to her.
She is looking forward to being a bridesmaid on the beach.
And its just silly to say I should divorce her if she goes - throw away 10 wonderful years because of what MIGHT happen with Paul?
I realize the roleplaying and her erotic emails to him were probably a mistake, but that was something we did as a couple. I did not think they would ever see each other again since he moved - let alone having a couple nights in Florida together. But I see it like this....his pathetic emails to her just proved that I "won". She is with me. Paul lost.
My wife would never leave her home, her family, and her husband just for a guy with a big ****.
She felt so guilty about cheating when we were engaged, to the point where it was eating her up inside. So she confessed. And should I really care how close to our wedding that it happened- or whether it was in my own bed or not?
Someone responded to my post about if one of children was 91/2 years old....lol....and no they are not. Paul did touch on that subject in one of his emails saying how he hoped he DID get her pregnant. But that was more just a fantasy he admitted to her.
Bottom line is, if something does happen in Florida. we will work it out. That is what married couples do.
I just know I will be thinking about it all weekend...wondering....so its going to be a brutal couple days on my end.
 
#3 ·
So yoU did some role playing that involved her sexting her ex, and you thought that was a good ideA????????

And you “can’t forbid her to go”

and “Part of me thinks that we are fine, and sex with Paul (if it comes to that) can never interfere with the life and family we have now.”

I can’t wrap my head around the Logic you have going on in your head, but I’ll say this:

yes, sex with Paul will impact your family life, but not as bad as you appearing incredibly weak to your wife.

what you should do is: tell her she can go, but don’t pack lightly so there’s not as much if her stuff you’ll have to throw out. And tell her to bring a pen when she returns, you’ll have some papers for her to sign.

But you couldn’t possibly do that, right? You can’t wiv without her....

Show your wife some strength. She might even appreciate that.

I’ll say this, if she is hell bent on going to that wedding, you can bet old Paul is going to head home with a smile on his face.
 
#5 ·
I'll try to make a long story short -
My wife and I have been married 10 years...very happy...2 wonderful children. She broke down a couple years after we were married and admitted she saw her old boyfriend "a couple times" when we were engaged.
Needless to say, I was shocked.
But I believe her when she says she has been 100% faithful since then.
Like a fool, I wanted some of the details of who and when it happened, and all she would say it was with her ex boyfriend Paul, and it was after we moved into a two-flat just before we got married.
Knowing we moved into that place 3 weeks before our wedding, I can only imagine how close to our wedding day did she sleep with Paul? To this day, she refuses to answer that question.
Anyhow- Paul moved to the east coast quite some time ago, so I was not worried about them ever hooking up again.
Until now.
My wife is going to a wedding in Florida in a couple of weeks with several of the people she used to hang out with. The bride to be is a very good friend of hers, and Paul is part of that circle of friends too.
I cannot attend the wedding due to my job and the kids.
So, she and Paul will be there...alone...together.
Knowing she cheated on me once with him, I am of course worried it will happen again.
This will sound bad - but my wife and I did some "roleplaying" I guess you would say about Paul, which led to some erotic emails between the two of them. The idea was she would never see him again, so who cares what they wrote to each other, right?
But knowing what those emails were about, and knowing he still wants her, will make it a very long weekend.
Part of me thinks that we are fine, and sex with Paul (if it comes to that) can never interfere with the life and family we have now.
What should I tell my wife??
I cannot forbid her to go, but I cannot be with her at the wedding either.
And those emails that I was part of that Paul has no idea she was sharing with me, are going to come back to haunt me I am sure. I do not want to get into the specifics of the emails here, but willing to discuss privatley if anyone is interested.
Anyhow, I'm a wreck already thinking about them together for a couple nights mid-month.
Anything I can do to relax about it a bit more?
Thank you
You're new here, so let me warn you that you are getting and going to get very honest responses from people who have been there, done that. The know of what they speak. Listen carefully.
 
#20 ·
There’s the epic “Affair resulting in pregnancy” thread that speaks to the dangers OP (in this thread) introduced to his marriage and the potentially-life-wrecking outcome. People just don’t understand the reasons for boundaries. They don’t get how playing with fire frequently leads to burns. Over. And over. And over. So many threads with the same feature.
 
#7 ·
Tell her to be sure to pack up all her **** and take it with her because she won’t be coming back.

Not kidding. If you want to keep your wife and marriage, it’s time to balls up.

If this drives her away, oh well — she was planning to **** him anyway.

Also, WHAT. THE. ****.
 
#8 ·
You can’t forbid her to go, but you can express that you’re not OK with this situation and that you’re not comfortable with her going. If she chooses to go after that, change the locks while she gone and put her things in storage. Give her a key to storage unit when she gets back. I know that sounds really harsh, but she is taking you for granted.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
#9 ·
Ok @jd8158 how long has she known about this wedding and why have you not talked about any of this yet? How does she seem to appear about all of this after 10+ years she knows how you feel about all of this I would hope. I would think if she knows how you feel about this and the fact that she has already cheated on you less that 3 weeks before the wedding several times.

One other thing if you have not sit down and had a very serious talk about all of this what's to keep her from thinking that you may be ok with it since you encourgaged and participated in the erotic emails that you guys sent him. She should know for sure that he is going to think that she wants to jump him the monent they see each other. Also, she won't share things about her and him with you even after 10 years can you be sure she has communicated more with him that you don't know anything about. If she sent him "erotic emails" as you have said I'm pretty sure if the truth is known they have continued communicating behind your back. This is not good and their is nothing good that can come out of her going whatsoever. Best of luck!
 
#10 ·
I would forbid her to go. Not because you’re “controlling”, but because her past actions show that she herself has no self control. She can’t be trusted. You’re more accepting than I am. If my wife had confessed that she slept with an ex at ANY point of our relationship, I don’t care if we had been together only a week, I would have filed on her. Her initial confession was divorce worthy. Now she’s just playing with fire going to this wedding and she knows damn well she will see “Paul” there and have another opportunity with him. Her justification will be “it was in a different state” or “what my husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him (or me)”.
 
#12 ·
And I just reread your post and saw the part about role playing about Paul and the email. WTH. Did you pretend to be Paul during sex or something? Dude you’ve allowed yourself to be cucked. All that stuff would indicate to me she is in no way over this guy. I hate to say this kinda thing, but you gotta man up and stop with this weak beta stuff and get your woman in line. I’m pissed just from reading your post.
 
#14 ·
There’s no doubt that this guy will be thinking about finally getting to bang her again. As a married mother, banging her will feel like getting forbidden fruit. Your wife is probably also looking forward to giving herself to him. You would think that 10 years of marriage and becoming a mother would change her thinking but it will give her a chance to be a bad girl.

You should in strong terms let her know that the fantasy talk in the past was just talk and you expect her to be true to you and the family.

I really hope all these guys who take part in this wife sharing talk or are thinking about it read this thread. Virtual cuckoldry is almost as bad as the real thing. It sends a signal of weakness to the wife and that the OM has the better genes.

Then there’s the fact that she doesn’t feel loved or protected. Even if she appears to be into it, subconsciously she feels insecure and is vulnerable to another guy emotionally claiming her. When some other dude is banging your freely offered up wife and he tells her if you were mine, I would never share you. Boom. Very powerful pull. Remember that women are emotional creatures that are mostly led by their feelings. A guy that makes her feel cherished is hard to resist. Whereas a husband who’s willing to share her does the opposite.
 
#15 · (Edited)
"Anyhow, I'm a wreck already thinking about them together for a couple nights mid-month.
Anything I can do to relax about it a bit more?"

You're a wreck because you know your wife is going to bang Paul on the wedding Trip. And why wouldn't she indulge? She's done it at least once already in your relationship and hasn't suffered any real consequences. She won't even answer how close to your wedding day her and Paul had last hurrah monkey sex, simply because she doesn't want and doesn't have to answer for it. She gets to go on an out of town wedding getaway with her ex-boyfriend and the dude she cheated on her fiance(you) with right before her wedding. And last but not least, she cuckolded her husband via the internet with your full participation and endorsement. Yeah you probably should be a wreck.
 
#19 ·
I don’t feel comfortable going to weddings if my husband can’t come, or other big social events. You spend most of the night being asked where your husband is 😀

Humour aside, let her go if she’s been safe around other men and generally doesn’t like male attention outside your marriage. If she’s still got a flame for him anyway, your marriage is a sham and will end if she doesn’t go to the wedding. We have social media now, they would have already met up. It’s so much easier now.

If your wife is loyal, desires you and treats you like you’re a hot stud, acts appropriately around other men and doesn’t need a pat on the back for all the things she does for you and her family, enjoys having sex with you… then you are controlling and jealous. That bit will get you in more trouble in the long run. And she probably won’t be running into another man’s arms to get away from you one day.

You know which of the two it is. Good luck I hope the situation works out.
 
#21 ·
You've painted yourself into a corner here by not being decisive previously when she partially admitted her infidelity. I mean why tell you she "met" the guy around the time you married but refuse to admit they had sex. Well, of course they had sex, and you are a fool if you believe otherwise.

Tolerating the emails was monumentally dumb of you, sorry, but it is true.

The fact is you can't trust her around this guy and you have every reason not to. Time to draw a line in the sand and either get the real truth from her while she stays to work on her on marriage or start calling lawyers while she snuggles up to Paul in Florida.
 
#24 ·
you are right in that it would cost him less
 
#23 ·
MY 6 pence worth FILLING in the BLANKS

I read it as your wife did not see Paul as a man that was good enough to be a husband or father ,
but he was good in bed or pleased her in a way that made her feel good ,
so you wife wanted to have one last fling with Paul before she got married ,
so in the run up to the wedding when most women have their mind on arrangements and putting the plans for the wedding right you wife fixed a **** date with Paul in your two-flat ((( your bed ))) in the last 3 weeks before ,

you found out sometime later that Paul had been with her in you tow flat
but you think there might be a chance nothing happened ,
you used to talk about this a lot in bed before or after sex and IT BECAME
a part of you sex life , you both got turned on by the idea of her having sex with Paul
to add to the Kink you used PAUL by striking up email contact where both of you warmed up Paul
and these emails were hot for you to get turned on more that night in bed or you might have been in bed sending him the emails ,

now Paul and wife are going to meet
and you know the emails are making it hard for wife not to back up what she and you were saying on the emails
PAUL WILL BE EXPECTING and wife with a few drinks will have a hard job not doing the dirty with her bad boy

will it happen no one knows
there is a high chance it will ,
one side of you wants it to happen if you get to use it for your sex life
another side wants it not to happen as you think she will cover up and not tell you

to me you seem to be a cuckold
there is nothing wrong with been one if it makes you happy ,
but to make it work you have to be open to each other
how it makes you feel and how you want to know what happened after
trust is very important

trust is important in all types of relationships ,
it seems like your wife has not been able tell you the truth in the past about what happened in the run up to the wedding
have you been honest in telling her how it makes you feel knowing the emails content
 
#34 ·
MY 6 pence worth FILLING in the BLANKS

I read it as your wife did not see Paul as a man that was good enough to be a husband or father ,
but he was good in bed or pleased her in a way that made her feel good ,
so you wife wanted to have one last fling with Paul before she got married ,
so in the run up to the wedding when most women have their mind on arrangements and putting the plans for the wedding right you wife fixed a **** date with Paul in your two-flat ((( your bed ))) in the last 3 weeks before ,


you found out sometime later that Paul had been with her in you tow flat
but you think there might be a chance nothing happened ,
you used to talk about this a lot in bed before or after sex and IT BECAME
a part of you sex life , you both got turned on by the idea of her having sex with Paul
to add to the Kink you used PAUL by striking up email contact where both of you warmed up Paul
and these emails were hot for you to get turned on more that night in bed or you might have been in bed sending him the emails ,

now Paul and wife are going to meet
and you know the emails are making it hard for wife not to back up what she and you were saying on the emails
PAUL WILL BE EXPECTING and wife with a few drinks will have a hard job not doing the dirty with her bad boy

will it happen no one knows
there is a high chance it will ,
one side of you wants it to happen if you get to use it for your sex life
another side wants it not to happen as you think she will cover up and not tell you

to me you seem to be a cuckold
there is nothing wrong with been one if it makes you happy ,
but to make it work you have to be open to each other
how it makes you feel and how you want to know what happened after
trust is very important

trust is important in all types of relationships ,
it seems like your wife has not been able tell you the truth in the past about what happened in the run up to the wedding
have you been honest in telling her how it makes you feel knowing the emails content
Sounds like the plot from the Netflix series? Is OP's name Cooper? Wife is Billie? BF is Brad?
 
#25 ·
In her mind, you've not only forgiven her but support her desire for Paul with all this stupid "role playing" nonsense that verifies your status as a ****. Even if she goes and after she comes back if the thought of her banging Paul is too much for you and you can muster up enough balls to divorce her, she won't understand why, because you have already gave her permission.

This is what she needs to hear:

"Wife, I should have divorced your cheating ass years ago when you admitted ****ing Paul right before our wedding. I was a fool to play along with the role playing nonsense and I fully regret it. Sign these divorce papers now, and have fun at the wedding."

You must know, that they ****ed the night before your wedding, right?
 
#28 ·
Why are you complaining.

You sound like a happy cuckold that really wants his wife to be ****ed by a real man. The man you know you will never be. Just make sure to get on your knees and beg her to return to you after she is with her lover.

So your wife cheated on you right before your wedding and you are still with her. That is your problem, you chose to stay with a cheater. You then push her into emailing Paul to get off on it. It they have sex just remember it is all on you.

Do you enjoy being your wife’s little *****?
 
#32 ·
I'll try to make a long story short -
My wife and I have been married 10 years...very happy...2 wonderful children. She broke down a couple years after we were married and admitted she saw her old boyfriend "a couple times" when we were engaged.
Needless to say, I was shocked.
But I believe her when she says she has been 100% faithful since then.
Like a fool, I wanted some of the details of who and when it happened, and all she would say it was with her ex boyfriend Paul, and it was after we moved into a two-flat just before we got married.
Knowing we moved into that place 3 weeks before our wedding, I can only imagine how close to our wedding day did she sleep with Paul? To this day, she refuses to answer that question.
Anyhow- Paul moved to the east coast quite some time ago, so I was not worried about them ever hooking up again.
Until now.
My wife is going to a wedding in Florida in a couple of weeks with several of the people she used to hang out with. The bride to be is a very good friend of hers, and Paul is part of that circle of friends too.
I cannot attend the wedding due to my job and the kids.
So, she and Paul will be there...alone...together.
Knowing she cheated on me once with him, I am of course worried it will happen again.
This will sound bad - but my wife and I did some "roleplaying" I guess you would say about Paul, which led to some erotic emails between the two of them. The idea was she would never see him again, so who cares what they wrote to each other, right?
But knowing what those emails were about, and knowing he still wants her, will make it a very long weekend.
Part of me thinks that we are fine, and sex with Paul (if it comes to that) can never interfere with the life and family we have now.
What should I tell my wife??
I cannot forbid her to go, but I cannot be with her at the wedding either.

And those emails that I was part of that Paul has no idea she was sharing with me, are going to come back to haunt me I am sure. I do not want to get into the specifics of the emails here, but willing to discuss privatley if anyone is interested.
Anyhow, I'm a wreck already thinking about them together for a couple nights mid-month.
Anything I can do to relax about it a bit more?
Thank you
The only thing to tell her is to stay home with you. Not sure why you can't forbid her to go, but if you allow it don't be surprised at what happens. Since you agreed to bring her BF back into your marriage, and allowed her to send erotic emails to him, what do you think is going to happen? Your role playing involved him, she is back where she was shortly before you married.

Let her go to this wedding and you know for sure what will happen. And you think them having sex is NOT going to impact your marriage??!! Most women can only focus emotionally on one man at a time. You are willingly going to step away and let her focus on her old BF
 
#40 ·
So true, how many threads have we had about guys “ sharing “ their wife that ends up with in an affair with the OM. Unbelievably the OP is asking will this impact his marriage. Yes it will. She will come back emotionally distant and not wanting to be sexually touched. Sadly, this will impact their kids because when a WW has just initiated a sexual affair, the OM is all that will be in her mind. They can be in the room with their kids but her mind and heart is with OM until she comes down from the high, which can take a LONG time.

I would check her phone and social media to see if she has already been in contact with OM. They may have already been discussing what they want to do with each other. Also check to see if she’s sent any photos to this guy over the years.
 
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