Talk About Marriage banner
101 - 120 of 182 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,251 Posts
So you cheated with a married woman for ten years and don’t think it hurt her marriage...
Ok, good luck with your own wife. The Karma train...... that sucker is stoking coAl right now..
He was the OM for a decade, successfully avoiding being caught, and learned his wife cheating on him is no problem. I think the karma train went to someone else's house.

There are several regulars on TAM who at various times in their lives were the OM or OW, (sometimes more than once) and also experienced being betrayed. Different strokes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,124 Posts
A few more clarifications....
First, I wrote my posting here since I really cannot talk to anyone else about this. I'm probably thinking and over thinking the whole situation too much, but I cant shake the sick feeling in my stomach that I have something to worry about.
Yes, my wife and I have talked about it, and she insists I have nothing to worry about. It was HER idea to stop the erotic emails she was sharing with me from him because she did not want to lead him on anymore. Quite a few responses people wrote back suggest that maybe I don't have anything to worry about at all. When she comes home that Sunday evening, I will have to take her word for what happened, if anything.
Someone asked why she did not marry Paul, or how serious they got. Well, they dated about 2 years I guess, but according to my wife, even though he made a decent salary, he gambled and had the IRS after him. There were times his cable went out because he did not pay the bill. He was a fun boyfriend, but never husband/father material. Which is probably why he is still single to this day.
I want to share another bit of information here too.
When I was 20, I got involved with a married woman. My affair with her lasted almost 10 years and her husband never found out about us. I guess I learned from her, that an affair does NOT have to mean the end and doom for a marriage.
She had her family, husband, home...and me. And nobody got hurt.
What if the other man knew about it? It likely would have been marriage over. Nobody got hurt because no one knew about it. Very unlikely he would have wanted to work things out.

Paul was a fun boyfriend who your wife didn't marry because he's irresponsible with money and had a gambling problem. Well guess what? Your wife only needs fun Paul that weekend, not fiscally responsible non gambling Paul.

Paul is gonna rail your wife real good....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,860 Posts
When I was 20, I got involved with a married woman. My affair with her lasted almost 10 years and her husband never found out about us. I guess I learned from her, that an affair does NOT have to mean the end and doom for a marriage.
I knew there was more to the story.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
988 Posts
A few more clarifications....
First, I wrote my posting here since I really cannot talk to anyone else about this. I'm probably thinking and over thinking the whole situation too much, but I cant shake the sick feeling in my stomach that I have something to worry about.
Yes, my wife and I have talked about it, and she insists I have nothing to worry about. It was HER idea to stop the erotic emails she was sharing with me from him because she did not want to lead him on anymore. Quite a few responses people wrote back suggest that maybe I don't have anything to worry about at all. When she comes home that Sunday evening, I will have to take her word for what happened, if anything.
Someone asked why she did not marry Paul, or how serious they got. Well, they dated about 2 years I guess, but according to my wife, even though he made a decent salary, he gambled and had the IRS after him. There were times his cable went out because he did not pay the bill. He was a fun boyfriend, but never husband/father material. Which is probably why he is still single to this day.
I want to share another bit of information here too.
When I was 20, I got involved with a married woman. My affair with her lasted almost 10 years and her husband never found out about us. I guess I learned from her, that an affair does NOT have to mean the end and doom for a marriage.
She had her family, husband, home...and me. And nobody got hurt.
So, even though I was not happy to learn they got together just before our wedding, it did not really hurt "us". We have had 10 amazing years and have two wonderful kids. No matter what happens at the wedding, we WILL work through it.
I'll do things with my kids over throughout next weekend to get my mind off of the situation. I'll try not to drink too much either...lol. But I'm sure I'll be on here at night looking to kill time.
No one got hurt eh? You don't think sleeping with you caused her to give less affection to her husband. He probably spent 10 years wondering why his wife wasn't as sexual when they met. How much of her time did you STEAL from her family. Cheating is never victimless, even if it goes undiscovered.

If and when your wife cheats with Paul you'll have gotten exactly what you deserve. Karma is a *****. Although, in this case it sound like you may be getting a bit of a thrill at the thought of your wife with him. Your whole thought process twisted.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,665 Posts
No one got hurt eh? You don't think sleeping with you caused her to give less affection to her husband. He probably spent 10 years wondering why his wife wasn't as sexual when they met.
How do you know that, though? Maybe, possibly, probably... maybe the OP has first hand info, unlike you. Maybe... :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
882 Posts
How do you know that, though? Maybe, possibly, probably... maybe the OP has first hand info, unlike you. Maybe... :)
true there are people out there that know their wife has a toy boy and they love when the wife comes home full of anothers mans spunk
some like the wife to give a step by step account of what they did ,
it takes all types there are many types of relationships
we can not say what is right for other people if they are happy good for them ,
if one is not they have to find what they need to do to put it right
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
988 Posts
How do you know that, though? Maybe, possibly, probably... maybe the OP has first hand info, unlike you. Maybe... :)
It is a pretty safe assumption. It seems universal that every betrayed spouse, in hindsight, realizes intimacy dropped off during the affair period. Like most, they don't immediately recognize it while it is happening. You think the OP has an accurate picture of what went on between the WW and the BH when he wasn't banging her? I doubt it.

I know what you are getting at, but I am not making a wild assumption. A person isn't going to be able to give two people as much affection and attention as one. I suppose the BH could have been an asexual imp that didn't notice his wife was getting her self serviced by some young single guy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,665 Posts
It is a pretty safe assumption. It seems universal that every betrayed spouse, in hindsight, realizes intimacy dropped off during the affair period. Like most, they don't immediately recognize it while it is happening. You think the OP has an accurate picture of what went on between the WW and the BH when he wasn't banging her? I doubt it.

I know what you are getting at, but I am not making a wild assumption. A person isn't going to be able to give two people as much affection and attention as one. I suppose the BH could have been an asexual imp that didn't notice his wife was getting her self serviced by some young single guy.
I agree, mostly, but sometimes assumptions are served as "facts" here, and I find that rather amusing. Because we don't really know. This is one of TAM's aspects I dislike most.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
7,066 Posts
Dude, you need to accompany your wife to that wedding. Even if you miss the ceremony or weren't invited, at least be as close as possible. Nothing will happen at the wedding itself, but it's the reception and any pre and post dinners you need to be nearby.

Look, I know plenty of guys who banged someone while they were engaged to be sure getting married was really what they wanted to do, but I rarely hear of women doing it. I mean, it's not right, but it certainly happens. How you handle that is just between you two, of course.

But no way I'd be happy her going alone to that wedding where he'll be, because you are always going to wonder if she's not telling you something. Besides that, and mainly this: You need to escort her to that to make your presence and devotion known so no one can spread rumors you two are living separate lives anyway or whatnot.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,101 Posts
We could give you some pointers for espionage; however, it seems you will be content with whatever happens as long as she doesn't leave you for big D. Why don't you ask her to video all of her happenings so you can enjoy the fun when she returns.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,231 Posts
She cheated on you with Paulie boy. Is Paulie boy going to be there? Paulie boy needs to give condolences on not being there due to unforseen circumstances beyond his control.😏

Or wife is sendong her condolences stating because she shagged Paulie just before her wedding and it would be improper for her to be at the wedding if Paulie is invited. She would be telling her GF bride that on speaker phone in front of me.

If they say Paulie boy is not going to be there, she is getting a poly when she returns to verify such. She fails due to speaking to him by phone...or him showing up and having ANY contact, i would slap her with the divorce papers and burn it down.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
819 Posts
It would insane for you to not go to the wedding.

Just to get a read on it, you should mention to your wife that you are thinking of getting a last minute ticket and have an option for the kids to stay with someone. See what her reaction is.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
145 Posts
It would insane for you to not go to the wedding.

Just to get a read on it, you should mention to your wife that you are thinking of getting a last minute ticket and have an option for the kids to stay with someone. See what her reaction is.
what and ruin his fantasy….
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
188 Posts
She cheated on you with Paulie boy. Is Paulie boy going to be there? Paulie boy needs to give condolences on not being there due to unforseen circumstances beyond his control.😏

Or wife is sendong her condolences stating because she shagged Paulie just before her wedding and it would be improper for her to be at the wedding if Paulie is invited. She would be telling her GF bride that on speaker phone in front of me.

If they say Paulie boy is not going to be there, she is getting a poly when she returns to verify such. She fails due to speaking to him by phone...or him showing up and having ANY contact, i would slap her with the divorce papers and burn it down.
I would have called her friend myself and said “sorry my wife can’t come to your wedding since she slept with Paul days before our wedding and he’s going to be there at yours. She can consider herself lucky I didn’t divorce her the first time I found out and there won’t be a second time.”
 
101 - 120 of 182 Posts
Top