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I'll try to make a long story short -
My wife and I have been married 10 years...very happy...2 wonderful children. She broke down a couple years after we were married and admitted she saw her old boyfriend "a couple times" when we were engaged.
Needless to say, I was shocked.
But I believe her when she says she has been 100% faithful since then.
Like a fool, I wanted some of the details of who and when it happened, and all she would say it was with her ex boyfriend Paul, and it was after we moved into a two-flat just before we got married.
Knowing we moved into that place 3 weeks before our wedding, I can only imagine how close to our wedding day did she sleep with Paul? To this day, she refuses to answer that question.
Anyhow- Paul moved to the east coast quite some time ago, so I was not worried about them ever hooking up again.
Until now.
My wife is going to a wedding in Florida in a couple of weeks with several of the people she used to hang out with. The bride to be is a very good friend of hers, and Paul is part of that circle of friends too.
I cannot attend the wedding due to my job and the kids.
So, she and Paul will be there...alone...together.
Knowing she cheated on me once with him, I am of course worried it will happen again.
This will sound bad - but my wife and I did some "roleplaying" I guess you would say about Paul, which led to some erotic emails between the two of them. The idea was she would never see him again, so who cares what they wrote to each other, right?
But knowing what those emails were about, and knowing he still wants her, will make it a very long weekend.
Part of me thinks that we are fine, and sex with Paul (if it comes to that) can never interfere with the life and family we have now.
What should I tell my wife??
I cannot forbid her to go, but I cannot be with her at the wedding either.
And those emails that I was part of that Paul has no idea she was sharing with me, are going to come back to haunt me I am sure. I do not want to get into the specifics of the emails here, but willing to discuss privatley if anyone is interested.
Anyhow, I'm a wreck already thinking about them together for a couple nights mid-month.
Anything I can do to relax about it a bit more?
Thank you
 

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If she cared about you and your marriage at all, she wouldn't go to that wedding. She doesn't want to own up to her choices or face any consequences for them, and you are willing to go right along with that.

You absolutely can tell her that if she goes to that wedding, your marriage is over. Just like you should have told her that she needs to answer every question or your marriage is over.

She can only walk all over you if you allow it.
 

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So yoU did some role playing that involved her sexting her ex, and you thought that was a good ideA????????

And you “can’t forbid her to go”

and “Part of me thinks that we are fine, and sex with Paul (if it comes to that) can never interfere with the life and family we have now.”

I can’t wrap my head around the Logic you have going on in your head, but I’ll say this:

yes, sex with Paul will impact your family life, but not as bad as you appearing incredibly weak to your wife.

what you should do is: tell her she can go, but don’t pack lightly so there’s not as much if her stuff you’ll have to throw out. And tell her to bring a pen when she returns, you’ll have some papers for her to sign.

But you couldn’t possibly do that, right? You can’t wiv without her....

Show your wife some strength. She might even appreciate that.

I’ll say this, if she is hell bent on going to that wedding, you can bet old Paul is going to head home with a smile on his face.
 

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I'll try to make a long story short -
My wife and I have been married 10 years...very happy...2 wonderful children. She broke down a couple years after we were married and admitted she saw her old boyfriend "a couple times" when we were engaged.
Needless to say, I was shocked.
But I believe her when she says she has been 100% faithful since then.
Like a fool, I wanted some of the details of who and when it happened, and all she would say it was with her ex boyfriend Paul, and it was after we moved into a two-flat just before we got married.
Knowing we moved into that place 3 weeks before our wedding, I can only imagine how close to our wedding day did she sleep with Paul? To this day, she refuses to answer that question.
Anyhow- Paul moved to the east coast quite some time ago, so I was not worried about them ever hooking up again.
Until now.
My wife is going to a wedding in Florida in a couple of weeks with several of the people she used to hang out with. The bride to be is a very good friend of hers, and Paul is part of that circle of friends too.
I cannot attend the wedding due to my job and the kids.
So, she and Paul will be there...alone...together.
Knowing she cheated on me once with him, I am of course worried it will happen again.
This will sound bad - but my wife and I did some "roleplaying" I guess you would say about Paul, which led to some erotic emails between the two of them. The idea was she would never see him again, so who cares what they wrote to each other, right?
But knowing what those emails were about, and knowing he still wants her, will make it a very long weekend.
Part of me thinks that we are fine, and sex with Paul (if it comes to that) can never interfere with the life and family we have now.
What should I tell my wife??
I cannot forbid her to go, but I cannot be with her at the wedding either.
And those emails that I was part of that Paul has no idea she was sharing with me, are going to come back to haunt me I am sure. I do not want to get into the specifics of the emails here, but willing to discuss privatley if anyone is interested.
Anyhow, I'm a wreck already thinking about them together for a couple nights mid-month.
Anything I can do to relax about it a bit more?
Thank you
You're new here, so let me warn you that you are getting and going to get very honest responses from people who have been there, done that. The know of what they speak. Listen carefully.
 

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Tell her to be sure to pack up all her **** and take it with her because she won’t be coming back.

Not kidding. If you want to keep your wife and marriage, it’s time to balls up.

If this drives her away, oh well — she was planning to **** him anyway.

Also, WHAT. THE. ****.
 

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You can’t forbid her to go, but you can express that you’re not OK with this situation and that you’re not comfortable with her going. If she chooses to go after that, change the locks while she gone and put her things in storage. Give her a key to storage unit when she gets back. I know that sounds really harsh, but she is taking you for granted.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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Ok @jd8158 how long has she known about this wedding and why have you not talked about any of this yet? How does she seem to appear about all of this after 10+ years she knows how you feel about all of this I would hope. I would think if she knows how you feel about this and the fact that she has already cheated on you less that 3 weeks before the wedding several times.

One other thing if you have not sit down and had a very serious talk about all of this what's to keep her from thinking that you may be ok with it since you encourgaged and participated in the erotic emails that you guys sent him. She should know for sure that he is going to think that she wants to jump him the monent they see each other. Also, she won't share things about her and him with you even after 10 years can you be sure she has communicated more with him that you don't know anything about. If she sent him "erotic emails" as you have said I'm pretty sure if the truth is known they have continued communicating behind your back. This is not good and their is nothing good that can come out of her going whatsoever. Best of luck!
 

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I would forbid her to go. Not because you’re “controlling”, but because her past actions show that she herself has no self control. She can’t be trusted. You’re more accepting than I am. If my wife had confessed that she slept with an ex at ANY point of our relationship, I don’t care if we had been together only a week, I would have filed on her. Her initial confession was divorce worthy. Now she’s just playing with fire going to this wedding and she knows damn well she will see “Paul” there and have another opportunity with him. Her justification will be “it was in a different state” or “what my husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him (or me)”.
 

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And I just reread your post and saw the part about role playing about Paul and the email. WTH. Did you pretend to be Paul during sex or something? Dude you’ve allowed yourself to be cucked. All that stuff would indicate to me she is in no way over this guy. I hate to say this kinda thing, but you gotta man up and stop with this weak beta stuff and get your woman in line. I’m pissed just from reading your post.
 

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There’s no doubt that this guy will be thinking about finally getting to bang her again. As a married mother, banging her will feel like getting forbidden fruit. Your wife is probably also looking forward to giving herself to him. You would think that 10 years of marriage and becoming a mother would change her thinking but it will give her a chance to be a bad girl.

You should in strong terms let her know that the fantasy talk in the past was just talk and you expect her to be true to you and the family.

I really hope all these guys who take part in this wife sharing talk or are thinking about it read this thread. Virtual cuckoldry is almost as bad as the real thing. It sends a signal of weakness to the wife and that the OM has the better genes.

Then there’s the fact that she doesn’t feel loved or protected. Even if she appears to be into it, subconsciously she feels insecure and is vulnerable to another guy emotionally claiming her. When some other dude is banging your freely offered up wife and he tells her if you were mine, I would never share you. Boom. Very powerful pull. Remember that women are emotional creatures that are mostly led by their feelings. A guy that makes her feel cherished is hard to resist. Whereas a husband who’s willing to share her does the opposite.
 

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"Anyhow, I'm a wreck already thinking about them together for a couple nights mid-month.
Anything I can do to relax about it a bit more?"

You're a wreck because you know your wife is going to bang Paul on the wedding Trip. And why wouldn't she indulge? She's done it at least once already in your relationship and hasn't suffered any real consequences. She won't even answer how close to your wedding day her and Paul had last hurrah monkey sex, simply because she doesn't want and doesn't have to answer for it. She gets to go on an out of town wedding getaway with her ex-boyfriend and the dude she cheated on her fiance(you) with right before her wedding. And last but not least, she cuckolded her husband via the internet with your full participation and endorsement. Yeah you probably should be a wreck.
 

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You should go to the wedding. Convince your boss to have the day off. Honestly though, she shouldn't go if Paul is going to be there, without you.
 

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You should go to the wedding. Convince your boss to have the day off. Honestly though, she shouldn't go if Paul is going to be there, without you.
I disagree. No way he should have to take off from work to babysit his wife and her ex-boyfriend/affair partner.
She just does not get to go to the wedding at all, period (at least not if she wants to remain his wife).
 

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I don’t feel comfortable going to weddings if my husband can’t come, or other big social events. You spend most of the night being asked where your husband is 😀

Humour aside, let her go if she’s been safe around other men and generally doesn’t like male attention outside your marriage. If she’s still got a flame for him anyway, your marriage is a sham and will end if she doesn’t go to the wedding. We have social media now, they would have already met up. It’s so much easier now.

If your wife is loyal, desires you and treats you like you’re a hot stud, acts appropriately around other men and doesn’t need a pat on the back for all the things she does for you and her family, enjoys having sex with you… then you are controlling and jealous. That bit will get you in more trouble in the long run. And she probably won’t be running into another man’s arms to get away from you one day.

You know which of the two it is. Good luck I hope the situation works out.
 

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You're new here, so let me warn you that you are getting and going to get very honest responses from people who have been there, done that. The know of what they speak. Listen carefully.
There’s the epic “Affair resulting in pregnancy” thread that speaks to the dangers OP (in this thread) introduced to his marriage and the potentially-life-wrecking outcome. People just don’t understand the reasons for boundaries. They don’t get how playing with fire frequently leads to burns. Over. And over. And over. So many threads with the same feature.
 
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