Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
It’s been about a week since she admitted to her first affair. I felt devastated, not so much about the act sex, this affair happened 9 years ago while I was deployed to Iraq in 2003. I what hurt was the ongoing lie, my loss of seeing the woman that I loved as a good woman.
When I first learned of this affair, I hope that we could work things out. Rebuild the trust, rebuild the marriage. I know it would take years. I was willing to invest the time as we have been married for 12 years and we do have lots of good memories together, and I do still love her.
I had let her know that I would be all over the place with my emotions. I didn’t need a book or website to tell me. I just knew.
I shot her off a text while under the influence of emotion…nothing rude, angry or anything of that nature. I just wanted to know of details, if it was just a onetime mistake, or an ongoing affair.
She got quite mad at me and tried to get into argument with me. This for her is her way of coping with times she messes up. I haven’t talked to her since then. I don’t need the stress.
I talked to a lot of friends, had a few beers and tried to move on. I learned little clues that paint a picture that she is even a worse woman that she admits to. I decided that it’s done, and that the marriage cannot be saved. She won’t be 100% open and honest. She won’t put any effort into paying her “stupid tax”.
I know I’m not perfect, I know I have made mistakes. I have never had an affair, I had lots of chances when I was younger and in the military. I respected my vows and the idea of marriage.

It’s sad, that after I learned of affair, a lot of her actions that really made me wonder became clear.

I have a very creative mind, and because of that, lots of dots are being connected. I don’t know how real the connections are or not, I know its best not to dwell on this. I would like to know how far , if at all , should I try to connect the dots?
At what point does it go from trying to get at the “real” truth to chasing her or something worse?
Because of my personality, I like to know the reasoning behind everything and the whole story. I know that I won’t ever know the full story, and I know I will ever get anywhere on finding out the “why”.

I’m going to move on with my life. I made the choice to start a business that she always told me that I was just a dreamer to think of and that I should be more realistic and not think about. Someday I may date again and I might even marry again.
Right now it just hurts, and I feel alone. The one person who I would turn to, my granddad passed away a year ago. He helped me greatly after I got back from Iraq and was the man who raised me. Yes, I have many supportive friends some who have been though the same situation. It’s good to talk to them, but it’s just not the same as turning to my Granddad…or the person who I always turned to before, my (soon to be ex) wife.

I’m happy there are no kids.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,815 Posts
Maybe she was about to be exposed and told you 1st.

From what little I read I have a feeling this kind of women will go to her grave before she confesses the evil she has done. Sometimes its just so painful for her to face she will never face it.

I think you will be best served by letting her go knowing that what she did was evil and there is no certain degree to her behavior other then she did it and now has to own it.

In short do not let it define you on what she did, but focus on the second chance you have in life and the blessing that you are no longer with this women.

In short it just happened you know it happened the only detail you need now is that you will not waste any more energy on it.

She own this not you....move on!

BTW, thanks for your service, if it wasnt for you I would have to deal with jadji at my front door, so again thank you, thank you, thank you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Thanks;
Ya I, while stubborn, am coming to the understanding that I know all I need to know, and just need to move on.
It is still rough though and I am still going through the bad mood swings.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
9,914 Posts
Is she currently seeing someone? I wonder if she's using the old affair as a reason for you to end the marriage and let her be free without acknowledging the new affair?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
Not that I know of, she is currently going back to school and has no time for anything but school. BUT it wouldn't shock me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
If her past times in school is any indication , no. She gets to the point of being obsessive about studying and will ignore everyone and anything else.


I think she just wanted out...didn't know what to do...and fest up to small one long ago.
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top