Decided I wanted to start a thread so I have a place to come to to vent, express my feelings, the ups and downs. Hopefully more ups that downs!
My husband has been withdrawn for a month, however this coincided with my mother's visit from Canada, so I didn't have the time to draw him out- and he seemed to be not keen to talk. Two days after my mum left (I live in the UK), he went to Ireland for work as he does now and again. He was due to return the Monday, but didn't, and then he didn't return my calls either. Finally he rang and told me ILYBNILWY and my world collapsed. We've been married 12 years, no children, have always talked and been very loving towards each other, it's only been this past month or so that things didn't feel right between us. He's been under a huge amount of stress as he is self employed and it's been a difficult year-18 months. He rarely takes days off. He had a totally dysfunctional childhood and I think he has some issues he needs to address in therapy. He said he just wanted to be alone and that I deserved someone better. I do worry that he's depressed. I think he has hit the limit of what he can take, and is having a crisis of identity(he also said he didn't know who he was anymore) and is very unhappy.
I recognise the part I've played in this scenario as I've relied on him too much as I don't have many friends since we moved to the country, and find my confidence has been affected a lot. I realise I needed to do more for myself so at least he didn't feel I was a burden to him. And I think weve both held things back from each other so to protect the other person. But this isn't healthy and maybe contributed to him feeling unhappy and isolated.
Almost three weeks later and he is still in Ireland. I have texted hum only a few times regarding finances and practicalities, although I did suggest that perhaps he should come home but he just texted back he wanted to be alone. I've asked him if there is someone else and he said no and I believe him.
Anyway I've been rewarding all sorts of marriage guidance books and such, trying to memorise what to say or do. To be honest, I'm sick to death of focussing on my marriage. So now I am just reading novels and whatever catches my fancy.
I've been doing the 180, although more with the intention of getting him back. I had a revelation yesterday when I realised I actually needed to do the 180 to help myself stay sane and grow as an individual.
I've actually coped fairly well so far, after the first we days. I got myself to the GP and was prescribed anti-depressants with referral for counselling. I've taken up old activities such as a poetry group and photography. I've also started a yoga class and am eying up a belly dance class in November. I went today to a personal development group that meets monthly, and it was awesome meeting new people, and feeling like i wasn't alone. The topic was self esteem and confidence, using NLP techniques.
Sorry this is so long. I don't really expect anyone to read this, it's for myself to keep track of how I'm doing!
Good luck with your own journey! xox