Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everybody!
I'm Kai 20 years old, living in Finland.
I don't drink neither smoke
Never dated or even kissed
Going to write my "story" just to let it out of my system. If anyone got same kind of experiences I would be happy to hear. You can tell me what you think if you want (all comments are welcome). Are you ready to start reading?

I met this girl on the Internet. She is from Thailand. She is 25 years old. We have been chatting with each other about 7 months now (at yahoo messenger). We both got webcams, so we know what the other person looks like. We chat allmost everyday and we have also sent some letters to each other. This all began at one dating site. I wasn't looking anything serious then just one day she sent me a message at the yahoo messenger. First time I saw her at webcam, I felt something. I didn't realize it then but now when I think it...it was something special. We just began talking all kinds of things and it just went deeper. Then we got about 5 weeks pause (without seeing each other) because she was moving. That time I noticed that I was thinking of her a lot. I made a couple of videos for her (with my digital camera) where I was telling her how I feel. Then she told me that she has been thinking of me too. I also remember that she used the word love much earlier than I. I have never said the words: I love you, to anyone (because never felt even close to this feeling). Then I sent my first letter to her (if I remember correctly it was October). It content was: 1 hand write letter, 1 picture of me and 1 half heart (I got the other half) the heart got text: I love you, then our initials). Also on October was my birthday and she did birthday card for me. When she got my letter she was so happy (I just love to see her smile and her eyes...something magic).

Then came December she had a birthday, so I sent her letter. She also sent me one. Days went by we chatted and I realized how much I really care for her. Couple of times have been crying when listening some love songs because immediately my thoughts are in her. I get her mail at the end of December. She had been talking about sending her T-shirt to me with his "smell" (as she told me). When I got it, I was pretty surprised because it wasn't "smell" it was scent (and very good scent too). Then the year changed. I sent my T-shirt to her + letter. I also called to her for the very first time. She was so surprised and I was so nervous (as usual). I record our phone call and now that I have been listened it couple of times I like her voice. At first I was surprised because I thought she would have different kind of voice. Maybe it's because of accent but my English isn't so good (my spoken English is so terrible). So that is also one of the "fears" that I have. Because we both got different languages and sometimes we don't understand each other. Now we have been chatting almost 7 months. I know our feelings are real and so strong. Of course you don't know other person that well by meeting on the Internet.

That leads to my biggest problem. I'm unemployed and got very little money (and living with my parents). So I can't travel (I don't even have to courage to travel but no money also). She has job but the pay isn't that high. She works hard and try to save money to travel here. In December she told me that if I could wait. Then I asked her what she meant. She talked something about 3 years and saving money. She also live on her own. I just feel myself so kid, not an adult at all. Still I know that this is something special because she is so sweet,funny,pretty and I can talk with her about...well everything. Sometimes I'm mad to myself to fall in love with her (and that she have fallen love with me) because I'm afraid that I can't offer her what she deserves. I have told her that also and she said that she doesn't care about my money or anything else like that. She just care about me. I believe her and I have also saw her emotions through webcam. This all just feel so wonderful even though our distance is long. No one can't predict the future but I try to live day by day. Maybe one day we will meet...Time will tell.

If you read all that, thank you and have a nice day.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Once upon a time there were two pandas. One from Europe (the Nordic to be little more accurate) and one from Asia (South East Asia to be little more accurate).
The Nordic panda was different than all the other pandas in that area. He liked to be alone (he was shy and quiet). He liked to just eat and sleep.
He wasn't happy even though he liked his boring lifestyle. Other pandas didn't mind him and he didn't mind or cared other pandas (expect his friends and family).
In other side of the world the second panda was living her life. Lots of pandas around her and her life was so much different than the Nordic panda.
These two pandas didn't know about each other and both lived their life on their own way.

Then one day the wind was blowing differently. It bringed different kind of air.
The wind was whispering. In that whisper the Nordic panda felt something. He decided that he should answer the wind calling. So he whispered and hope that someone would hear his voice.
Other side of the world the second panda heard the wind calling. He decided to answer it.
The wind was moving around the world...

...But somehow it found the Nordic panda. He felt something but couldn't believe it. He whispered back to the wind and hoped that the same kind of wind would come back.
That same second panda heard it and whispered back to wind and hoped that it would deliver her message to someone who was out there.
One of many choises the wind decided to come back to the Nordic panda. He was surprised and little bit of cautious but whispered back.
The South East Asia panda get the message and so it started.

The whispers turn into talk and day by day more sweeter. South East Asia panda was more into it but also quite busy. The Nordic panda began to like it and this was his first time.
All around them the world was different but they felt something. The Nordic panda was more of an thinker and tried to take things easily.
But even he wasn't able to resist the feeling what the other panda had awaken in him. It was something like never before.
He didin't want to admit at first but then he realized it... It was love.
As crazy as it sounds the panda was fallen in love for the very first time.

Months passed and the feelings growed more and more stronger. The Nordic panda couldn't get the second panda out of his mind. He saw her in every different panda.
Every day when he looked up to the sky and watched the clouds. When he was watching the clouds he formed image of the second panda from them.
Every night when he looked up and watched the stars. He was watching the stars and formed the picture of the second panda.
Somedays the wind took little bit longer to reach the other panda. But even with couple of days silence they still didn't forget each other.
They couldn't see each other but they felt something very special...

...The Nordic panda thought the possibilities. He thought and thought all day long. He wanted to stay positive but the reality was little bit different.
He told his feelings to the second panda. She didn't want to think about it. She just wanted to live on the moment and worry later.
The Nordic panda was so different and thought all the things that could go wrong. He would wanted to live at the moment also but his brain thought the realist things.
He tried to live day by day but the feeling was so strong. He wished every day that maybe someday he could see that second panda.
But what if he would see the second panda. Would they feel the connection between them also in real or would it be just an imagination.
The Nordic panda just got one thought... What if...


Part 2 (Two roads)

Road 1:

Wind was still moving their messages. One day the Nordic panda just wanted to let go. Not because of his sake but because of her.
So he told to the wind that he wanted to let go because he loved her so much and only way he knew that she would be happy.
The other panda didn't want to believe it. Next time wind delivered the message to the Nordic panda he just ingnored it.
Everyday second panda tried and tried but no answer. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months.
Soon she forgot the Nordic panda. Her heart was broken but she found someone much better. They loved each other and raised a family together.
But she didn't know that the Nordic panda couldn't forget her. He just thought her everyday and night.
Slowly he began to die. He still couldn't get her out of his mind. He felt that his last moments were at hand. He took a deep breath, opened his eyes wide open.
Then he watched straight ahead...what did he saw? He saw the love of his life front of him and thanked the feeling that she bringed.
He close his eyes and let his breath out. He didn't felt any pain...just happines. So he went to eternal sleep...somewhere better place.

Road 2:

Months went by. Then the magic day comed. The other panda got transfer to the Nordic. After the Nordic panda heard this, he was so excited.
It only took couple of days and then she was there. He was so nervous but also happy. When the day finally came and he saw her. It was something special.
He didn't know what to say or what to do. But luckily the other panda did. Very first moment they saw each other they knew it.
The Nordic panda saw that special look in her eyes for the very first time in real. He had some dreams about it but even the dreams weren't half the truth.
Days passed and they felt more and more love towards each other. Time flew so fast. All what they were dreaming becomed in real.
Soon they started family of their own. As the saying goes: They live happily ever after.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
We still keep contact (usually once a week). I got a job in different city (bigger city) and I have moved on my own now. So we have known each other over 18months now. Never I have been this happy in my life. We still haven't met in real but now the chances are much better. I can't help my feelings and I know in my heart that this is right (gonna be wonderfull in real also). She has moved to Australia and doing better there. Learning more english and doing job (earning more money than in Thailand). She is really wanting to come here to see me and I want to see her. We have planned (mostly she) that she could come here on june or july 2009. I can't help how my heart feels but I know this all is true and can be wonderfull. Just have to wait for now but I can wait (like I have told her also). When someone like her comes in your life you don't want to let her go. So also wanna say good luck to all of them who have found the right one and good luck also for them who are still searching.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Bravo to you for getting a job and living on your own! You can't be supportive of another until you can pull your own weight.

I am in an intercultural relationship. It's wonderful, but like everything else it has a price, and the more aware you are of what it is the better. I also worked in multinational settings and saw diplomatic couples from a variety of backgrounds. You'll have daily challenges you would not know about because you've lived in a country where there are relatively few ethnic and cultural groups. You'll have vastly different assumptions about certain things while you may instinctively agree on many others: family, how to spend money, can you spank your kid with the thickest wooden spoon in the kitchen, what is ethical behavior, how clean should the bathroom be, is it polite to bite into a piece of food and put it back onto the plate (in my own culture it is permissible, not so in the West), whether her entire clan should live with you, whether a woman should have her own friends and social life or cling to you her entire day, whether you are allowed to have women friends, what constitutes aggressive behavior. To top it off it will take you several years to fully understand and communicate with each other, since English is not native to either of you.

Someone American I know married a Ukranian and brought her here. He complains endlessly that she has not adjusted to life here, that she throws the flowers he gives her back at him, and that she should just tough up and take all the discrimination and difficulty she confronts here because that's just life. I felt compelled to point out to him that she is here in part for his sake. He is by this point so resentful he no longer cares, but declares that it was her decision as well and she should take full responsibility. I told him that as a white American man it is very difficult for him to understand how it is for people who do not feel that they are automatically accepted and respected, but he is adamant. I ask him to think back to the days when they first fell in love, and to try to understand her in that light. He refuses. Such is the tragedy of our condiiton as puny humans who take on more than we can bear.

I don't want to scare you. On the flip side, I love my husband's European relatives and friends. They are so different and interesting. I love his experience in France and how that makes him funnier and more urbane. He likes my effortless healthy habits as an Asian, the fact that our culture values long-term bonds, and the perspective I have on life where I am less impatient and take a longer view than most people living here. But you must be aware of these things before you promise to take them on.

These relatioships are inverted - the cart before the horse. Most people invest in relationships only after they've gotten a chance to make a full evaluation. In these cases, you often must commit to the person and vice versa in a big way before you even see them, spending a lot of money, having them put their lives/careers on hold or changed because of you, having them change their land of allegiance. It's a big deal. It would be much better if you can get them to agree beforehand that they are doing it for their own sake, because they want to for other reasons, besides you.

I suggest you look up forums where they talk about visas for fiances - there are many in the US and I am sure some in Germany and Switzerland, for example. You can learn a lot there.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Heck, I'll be extra brutal and point out an immutable fact: be aware that she is from a far poorer country than you, and that may represent all kinds of problems down the road.

Just as you are much less likely to hook up with someone who is absolutely indigent, you should think hard about that disparity. Money, or the lack of it, taints relationships very quickly.

I am not accusing her of chasing money. I am merely saying that we should remove the consideration of money from our relationships whenever we can. People in developing countries often have unrealistic expectations about life here. Trust me, I used to have them. When I first moved to the West I expected to live like the people in Dallas, that trashy soap show. I was stunned that we did not have huge vistas attached to our estate which a helicopter can fly over.

You'd better clear all that from this relationship every chance you get. Be honest and open. Let her know where you and your family are in life, economically. Always make it clear that you would like a partner who can support you in life, unless you can be sure that you have the ability to be the sole breadwinner and take delight in the fact. Don't overpromise her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Yeaah, wuhuu, we finally get the visa and she is coming to Finland in couple of weeks. I can't describe how much I have waited her. I'm really nervous and very excited to see her. I hope everything goes well. I'm so happy right now...feeling like my dream come true.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,270 Posts
Before I was married I was involved with someone I met online and I tell you, after that experience I can only warn others to be sure to meet someone in person and get to know them before allowing yourself to develop feelings for them. The internet can hide many things and the person who you think you are getting to know may not be who and what they seem.
It can seem so real but a cyber relationship is not real life and the person who you are investing all this time into may not be who and what they seem !!!!!... it could all end in disater.

What happened to me is after a year I wanted to meet in person and they did not want to, kept making excuses as to why we couldn't. I had the financial resources to travel and let them know and they still refused, turned out, they were married !!!
so BEWARE !!!
Meet in real life sooner rather than later and even better, find someone local or at least within driving distance and be sure to meet FIRST before you form an opinion...

and invest in one of the online criminal background check sites, its inexpensive ( about 50 bucks) and can save you untold anquish !
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Now is the time to tell how it all went.

My girlfriend arrived here 20th of June. When I went to meet her at the very first time...oh I was so nervous. I never been in the airport before so that was the first thing but the most I was affraiding would I recognize her. I arrived at the airport and after wondering around a little bit I found right gate. Then I just waited and waited. Finally her flight landed and I saw lots of people coming to the arriving hall. I was checking where is my girlfriend and then finally she arrived. She was just like in the picture and in webcam (expect more beautiful). She saw me too and I went to hug her. It felt like all the other people around me disappeared and I just hold her in my arms. Two years I waited that day and now it finally happened. After we talked a little bit we went to the bus station and arrived to my house. She was tired because of travelling and time difference. I let her sleep when she wanted and after a while I went to the bed myself. I watched her sleep a little while and after that I fall to sleep myself. New day arrived and we just watched some movies,walked around little bit,talked,ate and went to bed early. Monday arrived and we were both waking up. Our eyes met, she came close to me and we kissed. I will always remember that (because that was my first kiss and because it was so perfect). I hold her and we kissed a little while... after a while we went to the shopping mall, watched movies and so the time went and it was another night again. Same thing on another morning and I felt like this is where I want to be for the rest of my life. Sleeping next to her and waking up next to her. Days went by very quickly and on thurstday we went to see my parents.

When we arrived at my home town I was so nervous. I didn't know what would my family think of her. Then we finally arrived at my family's house. Introducing them was very first thing and little bit hard because I'm the only one in our family that can speak english. Even they couldn't understand so I needed to translate everything. It was very interresting (to say the least) but went better than I expected. After the dinner they started to ask questions about her (where is she from? How old is she?). I told everything and it was funny to see their faces after I told them her age and that we already been chatting over 2 years. They were shocked but happy for me. Even my family smiled more than usual. We went to bed early and then the next day arrived. We went around our home town and then the days went by also very quick. Everybody liked her and when we were leaving they wished all well to her and us.

Then we came back here and days went by quicker than usual. Finally it was the day she had to leave (it was thurstday). I didn't want to think of it and just try to avoid it (wanted to stop time). After all the day ended and we went to the airport. I was very sad but didn't show it to her because she told me not to be sad. Finally I had to let her go. Final hug felt as wonderful as the first but at the same time I was sad. I watched her go and came to home. It wasn't untill friday when I really missed her and even when I tried to sleep, I just rolled on my bed and thought her. Luckily she called me yeasterday and told me that everything is alright and she is safe back at home (just very tired). It was so great to hear her voice and I told her how much I miss her. Now I just need to wait untill we can see again. I know I can do that and I know it is possible. I really know now that my feelings are real. I really love her from the bottom of my heart and soul.

Oh and here are some pictures of us:
Pictures by kaitchu - Photobucket
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top