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3 Posts
Hey everyone,
I've been lurking for the past few months and have finally decided it was time to share my story and maybe help relieve some of my stress.
My wife and I have been married for 5 years and together for nearly 10 in January. We meet as seniors in high school, fell in love, and shortly moved in together and now have a home, a business, and 5 pets whom we both adore.
About two months ago my wife came home from a work trip and told me she was unhappy with our marriage and thinking of living on her own. As many of us were on here, I was absolutely floored. I felt my heart sink in that very moment. Had you told me the day before this how my life was, I would have responded with "amazing!" She told me that she had a plane ticket and needed to leave for a few days to help her sort things out, which I understood and allowed her to do without argument.
I can start by saying I have not been the greatest husband in the world. She had spent many years taking care of me like my mother would do and instead of becoming a man I just allowed her to do much of the heavy lifting. (Examples include never making dinner, inability to call anyone if we needed home repairs, etc. I could go into more detail if anyone is interested but this will be long as is). Our marriage has had it's fair share of ups and downs but we have pulled through everything together and I always thought it was clear to her how much I loved her even though I had obviously been taking her for granted.
This was a slap in the face to me and I saw it as a wake up call. I love my wife more than anything and I hadn't been treating her well, the worst part being I didn't even recognize all the things I was doing because I was so selfish and comfortable in how things were. Since this initial talk I have taken every step to grow up and become the man I knew I could be, it truly was a life-changer to wake me up. I have done everything I can since then to show her I have changed and it still seemed as though there was a wall that she was putting up emotionally to me. Last Wednesday, she woke early and asked me how she thought things were going and I said "not good" and she agreed. I was now doing EVERYTHING and she was lying around contributing nothing knowingly (which part of me thought to look over because I had let her do so much for so long). I finally accused her of having an EA after reading a phone bill and figuring out she was talking to someone ALOT the last two months. It was at this time she confessed to me she had had sex once on her work trip (the man lives in NY and we live in the midwest) and was having an affair with him for 2-3 months. She said she regretted it and they didn't finish the sex because she became emotional and started crying. The man is nearly 20 years her elder,works in her same industry,and had a pregnant wife at home.
The last 9 days have been hell coming to grips with the fact that she had an affair and I can't get the images of it out of my head. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know her anymore if she would cheat on me with another married man who was about to have a child no less. I have OCD so this doesn't help things at all. I spend my days reading this site and oversleeping when she is at work. On the flip side the barrier that felt like was there before seems as though its starting to crumble and when I am with her things seem almost normal and I find myself loving her more and more. We text consistently throughout the day, cuddle, and she seems like she wants us to reconcile. She sent him a NC letter, started IC this week, and we start MC next week and all signs seem to be pointing up.
My only concern is me falling madly in love with her again and she then decides this isn't what she wants. I am truly committed to a lifetime of change with her and becoming a better man for myself. I just don't want to be destroyed again. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. We are all in this together!!
I've been lurking for the past few months and have finally decided it was time to share my story and maybe help relieve some of my stress.
My wife and I have been married for 5 years and together for nearly 10 in January. We meet as seniors in high school, fell in love, and shortly moved in together and now have a home, a business, and 5 pets whom we both adore.
About two months ago my wife came home from a work trip and told me she was unhappy with our marriage and thinking of living on her own. As many of us were on here, I was absolutely floored. I felt my heart sink in that very moment. Had you told me the day before this how my life was, I would have responded with "amazing!" She told me that she had a plane ticket and needed to leave for a few days to help her sort things out, which I understood and allowed her to do without argument.
I can start by saying I have not been the greatest husband in the world. She had spent many years taking care of me like my mother would do and instead of becoming a man I just allowed her to do much of the heavy lifting. (Examples include never making dinner, inability to call anyone if we needed home repairs, etc. I could go into more detail if anyone is interested but this will be long as is). Our marriage has had it's fair share of ups and downs but we have pulled through everything together and I always thought it was clear to her how much I loved her even though I had obviously been taking her for granted.
This was a slap in the face to me and I saw it as a wake up call. I love my wife more than anything and I hadn't been treating her well, the worst part being I didn't even recognize all the things I was doing because I was so selfish and comfortable in how things were. Since this initial talk I have taken every step to grow up and become the man I knew I could be, it truly was a life-changer to wake me up. I have done everything I can since then to show her I have changed and it still seemed as though there was a wall that she was putting up emotionally to me. Last Wednesday, she woke early and asked me how she thought things were going and I said "not good" and she agreed. I was now doing EVERYTHING and she was lying around contributing nothing knowingly (which part of me thought to look over because I had let her do so much for so long). I finally accused her of having an EA after reading a phone bill and figuring out she was talking to someone ALOT the last two months. It was at this time she confessed to me she had had sex once on her work trip (the man lives in NY and we live in the midwest) and was having an affair with him for 2-3 months. She said she regretted it and they didn't finish the sex because she became emotional and started crying. The man is nearly 20 years her elder,works in her same industry,and had a pregnant wife at home.
The last 9 days have been hell coming to grips with the fact that she had an affair and I can't get the images of it out of my head. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know her anymore if she would cheat on me with another married man who was about to have a child no less. I have OCD so this doesn't help things at all. I spend my days reading this site and oversleeping when she is at work. On the flip side the barrier that felt like was there before seems as though its starting to crumble and when I am with her things seem almost normal and I find myself loving her more and more. We text consistently throughout the day, cuddle, and she seems like she wants us to reconcile. She sent him a NC letter, started IC this week, and we start MC next week and all signs seem to be pointing up.
My only concern is me falling madly in love with her again and she then decides this isn't what she wants. I am truly committed to a lifetime of change with her and becoming a better man for myself. I just don't want to be destroyed again. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. We are all in this together!!