doing what's best for the kids and trying to make this work.
With her recent track record...... JFC are you serious?..
With her recent track record...... JFC are you serious?..
Worry less about how you feel about what we think of you...it is your life after all...and more about how you feel about what you want from life.lol I am a mess. i feel like everyone here is just reading this, shaking their hand and facepalming.
R meaning reconciliation and not rugsweeping to be successful has to have the correct basics. Even then there are no guarantees. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.With all this being said, what makes someone worthy of R? A while back I asked if some of you don't believe in R at all, which seems to be the case for a lot in this thread. For those that do, what are the signs?
It seems like my W is...she's saying all the right things, taking action, taking full responsibility, etc...
She was scheduled to have a talk with her broker this morning about leaving the brokerage, and I beat around the bush for a bit but basically just told her that I don't feel 100% into it. Honeslty I don't want her making career decisions based on something I'm not 100% on board with. I don't know, I just can't get there. I told her i still don't fully believe the story about how things ended with her and OM and that she is still the person that lies and cheats; and that it doesn't change overnight. Harsh, but i was just being honest. I didn't want to come off as judgemental but i basically just said I can't fix her, and it has to come from within. She had a messed up childhood, terrible father, and her mom had a revolving door of crap stepdads. Her mom had to lie, steal and cheat just to support her 5 kids at 21 and it's what my wife grew up with. Good post Chuck, it's just so frustrating. The nice guy in me thought i could "fix" that. Some people just get dealt a *ty hand in life and it pains me that i have to end this relationshp because of her * luck in childhood.
So...we pretty much left it at that. Such a stupid situation. It's not something i want, but i just think it's necessary for the long term health of everyone involved. I hate that she put everyone in this situation but as comfortable as it makes me feel I don't think taking her back is the right decision at this time.
This to me is the most telling part. Most decent mothers will look out after their kids.Hey all, thank you for all the advice and words.
Just for full transparency, she hasn't completely abandoned the kids. She has picked them up from day care some days and spent the afternoons with them, until she leaves at night to go back to her place. She calls to tell them goodnight, etc. Although they have only slept with her 2 nights of the last 33. The rest were at my house with me. Just wanted to get that out there; it's not a situation of full blown abandonment, fwiw.
One think you know FOR SURE at this point is that she's an expert at lying to your face. So, I would start with the presumption that she's lying to you and will continue to lie to you. Because now she is in a relationship salvage mode. So, she's only thinking of her own interests and acting in a way that are harmful to your interests.And i'll never know if she's telling me the truth about how things ended.
Nope, its an important thing to know. If her boyfriend dumped her she’s looking for a plan B. Which is you.It's freaking hard with the kids involved. I keep flip flopping on what to do. Everything you guys are saying is right, then i hear her and i start thinking that this could be different. And i'll never know if she's telling me the truth about how things ended. She says she "woke up" one day and realized how much she scrwed up, but there's no way to tell if that's true or if the OM dumped her. Really, that's just a small piece to this puzzle anyway.
The poster that asked if i would date this person without our history and just knowing what she's capable of...that hit hard. I guess at the end of the day it is just really hard to break off this relationship knowing the shockwaves it will cause, mostly with our kids. Part of me feels like i owe it to them to give this a shot and do things differently.
YepThis to me is the most telling part. Most decent mothers will look out after their kids.
See what is versus what you want to see. This was her abandoning her kids for her new boyfriend.
Women normally don’t monkey branch until they have something solid lined up. Which is why I’m speculating that they may still be together. Do you know where she’s living?I’ve seen this more than I care to remember. The new boyfriend wants a piece of ass but not everything that comes with it. The kids aren’t his, etc.
If it were me and I was even contemplating an attempt at R I’d call him up and ask. You may not get the truth but it’s worth a shot IMO.
I would bet you could ferret out who dumped who. Or you may get a surprise and find out she’s still with him.
It's possible that she tried to monkey branch, one of the other possibilities is that she wanted to try out the other guy(s) just to feel the butterflies in the stomach. Since the whole thing came to a head because @johndoe12299 came across some evidence by mistake, We don't know if this was her first rodeo or not.Women normally don’t monkey branch until they have something solid lined up. Which is why I’m speculating that they may still be together. Do you know where she’s living?
One thing in his life is for sure: his wife abandoned him and their children so she could shag a coworker.There are no sure things in life.
I second this.One thing in his life is for sure: his wife abandoned him and their children so she could shag a coworker.
Life is not a game of baseball. Not every one deserves a second or third chance. Even if they happen to do the work and wind up deserving, they are not guaranteed a second chance. Games get rained out.
OP, read this entire thread again and truly see what she put you and the children through. Look at her behavior toward you while she was out of your home.