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Discussion Starter · #341 ·
she's all about unicorns, as is 99% of kids that age. So i'm sure it'll be centered around that. Yeah, @Marc878 that's the hardest. Just coming to that realization. It's hard because there is no hisotry of it in 10 years(that i'm remotely aware of). Like, trust on both our ends was 150%. Never an issue. None of her stuff was ever locked, no history of it. Nothing. That's what's hard to wrap my head around. The oxytocin struggle is real i suppose
 

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Another rough morning. Today was my daughter's birthday. 5yo. I went over stbx house to drop off a present to her. There was a fun jump so i went jump with my 2 kids for 15minutes. Daughter loved it. Then i left.

balled like a baby on the way home. Nothing to do with stbx; just not beign able to spend the day with my kid on her own birthday is so ****ty. I'll make it up to her next week though.


Also, this afternoon my stbx texts "i have some odd jobs i need done around here asap, i can pay you to do them if youre interested"

I was completely flabbergasted. After everything that's happened, expecially the last couple weeks, everything she's done to our family, me telling her twice i'm either her husband or the kid's dad, nothing in between...she has the nerve to ask me to go do some handyman work at her new house?

I didn't even respond. I'm still in shock. She has to be the least self aware person out there right now. Does she think that little of me?
Ignoring things like this is your best path.
 

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she's all about unicorns, as is 99% of kids that age. So i'm sure it'll be centered around that. Yeah, @Marc878 that's the hardest. Just coming to that realization. It's hard because there is no hisotry of it in 10 years(that i'm remotely aware of). Like, trust on both our ends was 150%. Never an issue. None of her stuff was ever locked, no history of it. Nothing. That's what's hard to wrap my head around. The oxytocin struggle is real i suppose
You have to deal with who she is now. What she’s shown you.
 

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I guess my biggest struggle is finding it hard to believe she is that person...despite the overwhelming evidence. I still don't know if she intentionally left me to hook up with this guy. Not that it really makes a difference...i keep thinking she was having a nervous breakdown and needed some time away, and this guy swooped in when he saw an easy opportunity. But again, whether it was premeditated or not doesn't matter. She was hooking up/talking to him while not sleeping at the house with her kids
My sister was a wayward. Before her affair she read her bible, went to church regularly, eve taught Sunday school. Was married for 10 years. Her husband was an ok guy. She was always kinda selfish but no one could believe it. Once she cheated she never lost her wayward mentality.

Her x died last year. It didn’t phase her one bit. Don’t ignore what you know for a pipe dream.

Most stay in denial because it’s a comfort zone. Pretty common. It’s also common to allow yourself to be a chump for months, even years. Huge mistake. Forums like this are full of chumps.

You’ve done ok so far. Keep going. From what I’ve seen R stands for rugsweep more than it does reconciliation. Rugsweep = long term heartburn and disaster but many jump right on it.
 

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My cheating ex taught Sunday school and sexted in class while she was teaching regular school. She told me.

who you thought she was doesn’t equal who she is. And yes, it’s hard to get one’s head around
 

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Discussion Starter · #347 ·
wow at both those stories. wow!
stbx was very religious and active at the church as well...i'm sensing a common theme here...hasn't been to church since this happened tho
 

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Discussion Starter · #348 ·
bit of a confidence boost the other day. went get a haircut and the girl shampooing my hair was like "wow your eyes are beautiful, not just the color, but the shape. They're vibrant"

It's been a long time since i've gotten a compliment of that caliber. "Vibrant"?! That felt good, lol. I told her wow, i'm getting divorced and my wife of 10 years never said that about my eyes. So of course she apologized and then told me she was going through a divorce too, lol! D is just so common nowadays.
 

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bit of a confidence boost the other day. went get a haircut and the girl shampooing my hair was like "wow your eyes are beautiful, not just the color, but the shape. They're vibrant"

It's been a long time since i've gotten a compliment of that caliber. "Vibrant"?! That felt good, lol. I told her wow, i'm getting divorced and my wife of 10 years never said that about my eyes. So of course she apologized and then told me she was going through a divorce too, lol! D is just so common nowadays.
DO. NOT. STOP. GETTING YOUR HAIR CUT THERE
 

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Discussion Starter · #350 ·
lol, unfortunatety 0 physical attraction but she was super sweet and did a great job so i will definitely be going back
 

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bit of a confidence boost the other day. went get a haircut and the girl shampooing my hair was like "wow your eyes are beautiful, not just the color, but the shape. They're vibrant"

It's been a long time since i've gotten a compliment of that caliber. "Vibrant"?! That felt good, lol. I told her wow, i'm getting divorced and my wife of 10 years never said that about my eyes. So of course she apologized and then told me she was going through a divorce too, lol! D is just so common nowadays.
Well, surprise, surprise! lol

It's been a long time since a woman has come on to you, hasn't it? Or, is it that you just haven't recognized it?
 

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wow at both those stories. wow!
stbx was very religious and active at the church as well...i'm sensing a common theme here...hasn't been to church since this happened tho
The important point or takeaway is they remained wayward. My sister blew up everything. The two kids lives were dramatically changed. She nor her husband ever had a decent or meaningful relationship after she had an affair with her boss. Years later her story is she’s glad she did it. It was all about her and what she wanted.
That’s why you are getting the stop living in hopium.

Most think there situation is special, different. The reality is they aren’t. What you’re going through is typical. Nothing special at all.
 

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dude, I’m straight, but when a gay guy compliments me I take It, an ego stroke is an ego stroke 😁
Last month, I complimented my gay server on the lovely strand of pearls around his neck. He thanked me and said it was appreciated.
 

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JD..... as I was reading your thread, you had me worried a few times. You seem to have a grasp on things now. Even if you took cheating entirely off the table, her abandoning her kids should be enough for you to walk. But why you say that Chuck?

Well...almost nine years ago, I had my DDay. (Notice the similarities...) She wanted us to remain M but do our own thing. I countered with MC. She refused so I dropped D papers in her lap. About a week later she stopped coming home through the week but did on weekends. I went down the rabbit hole. It was dark, cold, and numbing. But I came out a MUCH better person. As I detached, she began reaching. After I was away from her for a couple weeks, I did not want anything more to do with her.

Did she cheat? To this day I do not know and don't care. Her walking out on me was enough. The more I distanced myself from her, the more she reached. She would reach at least twice a year until I blocked her. 15 years and poof.... but I have never regretted it.

JD... be prepared for her to come after you hard. She wants her old lifestyle back. The handyman jobs.... she would have paid you with, your $ and took you inside and banged your brains out. So much for the myth of her not liking sex huh....

WWs always try to get to their BS through the kids. It's their next to last resort. Guess what their last one is.... just one guess LOL. It's hard at first doing the 180 but it gets easier with time. The farther away you get from her, the easier it becomes to see who she really is. Do not take her back....if you did it virtually gives her a green light to do it again. But if you just enjoy pain....at least get a D first, on your terms in all areas, and a couple months after... try dating. At least then you can tell her to F-off and not have to go through attorneys.
 

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Discussion Starter · #357 ·
I thought it would be getting better but i think it's getting worse.This last week has been basically 0 communication so i guess it's finally hitting home that it's over. The other weeks i was getting those apology texts so I guess in a way I sorta felt like i had the upper hand and was in control. Now, i guess it's a game of who caves first. I don't know why but i just constantly have to keep telling myself all the evil **** she did to get to this point. I just keep thinking a few changes and a little more effort in x department and this could have all been avoided. It's really hard to put yourself back in the relationship 6 months /1year/18 months ago and have a unibased perception of how it was.

No real point to this post. Did all of you go through this too?

Also it's just a downer to think about starting all over with someone, along with the trust issues i will undoubtedly have. I should be starting IC next week. It's just a ton of work. I would ultimately like to share my life with someone. Doubt i will go MWGTOW or anything like that. It's just...daunting
 

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Yes. It’s the same feeling for everyone that was in love with a person that totally betrayed them. You can’t wrap your head around it because it’s something you wouldn’t do. The would. They did. That’s why you ditch the witch. Forever. And remember to guard your dignity well against her or she will steal it every time you show weakness to her.
 

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While you may wish that things were different, the unfortunate fact remains that they aren’t. There’s no reset. It takes time for all of that wishful thinking to fade away. Often it takes much longer than you hope it will but there’s no way to fast-forward the process. You just have to live through it.
 
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