Talk About Marriage banner
321 - 340 of 375 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,948 Posts
Left foot right foot breathe repeat....you are going to be okay.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,888 Posts
i can't just flip a switch! i wish it were that easy
Your emotions will take time to catch up with your logic. Pain will make you go against what you know one your heart is right and you know in your head is logical. Whenever you feel that urge welling up inside you to call her, do not give in to that. It will set you backward and just hurt you longer. You know she is a cheater, everything she does is self serving, and unless you had something kind of use to her, she’d not have a word for you. There is nothing you could do to ever have a fulfilling relationship with this person.

there are a LOT of people in the world that are users. This woman is one of plenty. There are millions of her out there. Get free if her and look for the rare lady that brings you happiness rather than pain.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
225 Posts
Discussion Starter · #325 ·
I guess my biggest struggle is finding it hard to believe she is that person...despite the overwhelming evidence. I still don't know if she intentionally left me to hook up with this guy. Not that it really makes a difference...i keep thinking she was having a nervous breakdown and needed some time away, and this guy swooped in when he saw an easy opportunity. But again, whether it was premeditated or not doesn't matter. She was hooking up/talking to him while not sleeping at the house with her kids
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,888 Posts
Your mind is looking desperately for any sliver of reason that would explain away the truth of who she is and give you an out. Give you a reason to forgive her. I’ve been there.
You’ve got two choices: Just accept she’s what she has shown herself to be beyond any doubt, and move on in spite of your pain, or you can keep looking for a glimmer of decency in her—- what you’ll find is that she’s far, far worse than you can believe now. She will just keep on hurting you and leave you a shell of your former self for years.

I wish your future self could come back in time now and tell you what will happen if you give her further chances to betray you. You probably wouldn’t believe you.

some people just aren’t worth whAt you invested in them. You just have to let her go. The person you once knew—-that person never existed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
225 Posts
Discussion Starter · #327 ·
Another rough morning. Today was my daughter's birthday. 5yo. I went over stbx house to drop off a present to her. There was a fun jump so i went jump with my 2 kids for 15minutes. Daughter loved it. Then i left.

balled like a baby on the way home. Nothing to do with stbx; just not beign able to spend the day with my kid on her own birthday is so ****ty. I'll make it up to her next week though.


Also, this afternoon my stbx texts "i have some odd jobs i need done around here asap, i can pay you to do them if youre interested"

I was completely flabbergasted. After everything that's happened, expecially the last couple weeks, everything she's done to our family, me telling her twice i'm either her husband or the kid's dad, nothing in between...she has the nerve to ask me to go do some handyman work at her new house?

I didn't even respond. I'm still in shock. She has to be the least self aware person out there right now. Does she think that little of me?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
225 Posts
Discussion Starter · #328 ·
Your mind is looking desperately for any sliver of reason that would explain away the truth of who she is and give you an out. Give you a reason to forgive her. I’ve been there.
You’ve got two choices: Just accept she’s what she has shown herself to be beyond any doubt, and move on in spite of your pain, or you can keep looking for a glimmer of decency in her—- what you’ll find is that she’s far, far worse than you can believe now. She will just keep on hurting you and leave you a shell of your former self for years.

I wish your future self could come back in time now and tell you what will happen if you give her further chances to betray you. You probably wouldn’t believe you.

some people just aren’t worth whAt you invested in them. You just have to let her go. The person you once knew—-that person never existed.
good post evinrude
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
225 Posts
Discussion Starter · #330 ·
I guess i'm just wondering where it comes from. How can so much disrespect root just from being a nice guy? That's what I think about the most. I'm more interested in the psychology of it all.

Part of me thinks she thinks I'm ok with everything b/c i haven't told her at all what i really feel about the entire situation so i guess she's thinking I'm not in the least bit upset at her? So she thinks i won't mind helping?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
225 Posts
Discussion Starter · #332 ·
Very true. That's what i need to come to terms with. Everything she says the last few months is pretty much all about her, making her feel better. When i think of it she literally hasn't asked me a single question about me, my family(who she was very close to) work etc...Thanks for bringing that tot he forefront!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,888 Posts
Things she will never ask you:

what can I do to make the divorce easier?
Would you want to skip next months child support payment?

could I bring you dinner so you don’t have to cook for the kids tomorrow? They said you were working late.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
157 Posts
I guess my biggest struggle is finding it hard to believe she is that person...despite the overwhelming evidence. I still don't know if she intentionally left me to hook up with this guy. Not that it really makes a difference...i keep thinking she was having a nervous breakdown and needed some time away, and this guy swooped in when he saw an easy opportunity. But again, whether it was premeditated or not doesn't matter. She was hooking up/talking to him while not sleeping at the house with her kids
I had a nervous breakdown and the last thing on my mind was jumping in bed/meeting another man. That's a bad excuse. I couldn't even look after myself for months while recovering.

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark


YNWA
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
157 Posts
Another rough morning. Today was my daughter's birthday. 5yo. I went over stbx house to drop off a present to her. There was a fun jump so i went jump with my 2 kids for 15minutes. Daughter loved it. Then i left.

balled like a baby on the way home. Nothing to do with stbx; just not beign able to spend the day with my kid on her own birthday is so ****ty. I'll make it up to her next week though.


Also, this afternoon my stbx texts "i have some odd jobs i need done around here asap, i can pay you to do them if youre interested"

I was completely flabbergasted. After everything that's happened, expecially the last couple weeks, everything she's done to our family, me telling her twice i'm either her husband or the kid's dad, nothing in between...she has the nerve to ask me to go do some handyman work at her new house?

I didn't even respond. I'm still in shock. She has to be the least self aware person out there right now. Does she think that little of me?
You can do a special birthday party for your daughter at your place, when you next have her. Tell her she gets to celebrate her birthday twice. Set balloons and birthday banners up for her. Get a birthday cake, do her favourite party food, lots of presents and invite loved ones over, maybe some of your daughters friends if allowed, due to coronavirus. Make it a special day for her. Many kids come from broken homes and I remember my friends when younger loved having 2 seperate birthday parties in parents homes. Get her a lovely party dress or her favourite Disney character, Princess etc.

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark


YNWA
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
225 Posts
Discussion Starter · #337 ·
oh yeah. she's already on board with the 2 party idea lol. She can't wait for her 2nd party. She's so sweet. I got a haircut last night and when i showed up today she's like "daddy, you went to the hair salon? your hair is gone, but it looks good!"...meanwhile my wife is right there and didn't say anything. Damnit i love that girl!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
9,775 Posts
Also, this afternoon my stbx texts "i have some odd jobs i need done around here asap, i can pay you to do them if youre interested"

I was completely flabbergasted. After everything that's happened, expecially the last couple weeks, everything she's done to our family, me telling her twice i'm either her husband or the kid's dad, nothing in between...she has the nerve to ask me to go do some handyman work at her new house?

I didn't even respond. I'm still in shock. She has to be the least self aware person out there right now. Does she think that little of me?
You’d be stunned at the number of men going through this who DO go over and do the odd jobs and repairs etc for their horrible stbx or ex. Kiss their ass big time. I don’t get it, I’m I’m so glad to see you didn’t take that bait!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,950 Posts
A good friend of mines wife dumped him and his kids for her boss. She only came back and started spending time with the kids because of the child support. He told me his biggest issue was realizing she was nothing but a typical cheater. Nothing special about her at all. He said cutting off contact was the best thing he had done.

You can get where you need to be if you drop the hopium pipe. All that does is keep you bound.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
157 Posts
oh yeah. she's already on board with the 2 party idea lol. She can't wait for her 2nd party. She's so sweet. I got a haircut last night and when i showed up today she's like "daddy, you went to the hair salon? your hair is gone, but it looks good!"...meanwhile my wife is right there and didn't say anything. Damnit i love that girl!
Awww bless her. She loves her daddy so much. Bet the ex was raging inside haha. Hope her birthday party with your gang goes well. Have lots of fun. Are you doing any kind of theme for her party?

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark


YNWA
 
321 - 340 of 375 Posts
Top