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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Long story short.

My stepson told his counselor at school that I was abusive. So, the school had to report me because they are mandatory reporters.

Cops and CPS show up at our house and I got the "keep your hands where I can see them..." from the Cops!

The CPS case worker talked to him and she said there was no evidence of abuse.

My wife and I sat down and talked to him to figure out why he lied...

My stepson..."Because I don't like you and I want my Mom to be with my Dad".

I was VERY patient and did not yell at him, reaffirming to him that he could be honest. But I was completely taken back with what this 8 year old was saying. He deliberately lied about me to his counselor because he KNEW that the cops would be involved, and he thought that the cops would just take him out of the home and take him straight to his Dads.

2 weeks later he ran away from school, and lied to me and his Mother about seeing some "man with a knife" at school, and a "scarey man at home has been sneaking into his room at night"...I have no doub that if he was not grounded from lying the first time, he would have told his counselor AGAIN that I was that scarey guy with a knife in his room!!

What can I do to help this kid realize I'm on his side...or should I walk away? I'm trying REALLY hard to get this kid into a friendship with me, but he is VERY sneaky and manulipative towards me and his mother.
 

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My son made comments at school and the teacher reported me to our version of cps (dcfs) at any rate after everything was confirmed that I, his mother, had not laid a hand on him we got him in with a child therapist and things have turned around for all of us. Not right away but each day it gets better. I would get him his own IC and may be do some FC. It could not hurt to try.

I wish you all the best.
 

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Agreed. Family counseling. He's having a hard time with the divorce. But eventually he will accept you and there will come a time when he's a teen or young man and he will appreciate all you've done. Hang in there.

I've been investigated 3 or 4 times (lost count) AND had the police called to check on her twice because her Dad thought she didn't sound like herself on the phone. I have nothing to hide and it all worked out. They are pros and have seen this stuff before and know it's a ploy.
 

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My evil stepmother had my husband investigated a couple of times. CPS threw it out both times. They know what they're doing, usually.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Can he live with his dad?
No, his Father has failed a drug test administered in the court room, and has lost ALL of his parental rights, but my wife insists on letting my stepson see his Father because if he doesnt see his Father, then he does things like why I posted on the board.

I'm sure his Father is telling my stepson that I am standing in between my stepson's Father and my wife being together, but I dont know how to handle it. I cant punish my stepson because it isnt his fault that he is being lied to, but I also cant go after his Father because he is very protective of him. On the other hand, my wife is protective of my stepson...VERY protective. So, if I hurt the boy in any way then I get flack from EVERY ANGLE....Im just frustrated and dont know what to do.
 

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You get him to therapy, like we said. He needs an outside person helping him to understand what's going on and what the reality is.
 

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I'm sure his Father is telling my stepson that I am standing in between my stepson's Father and my wife being together, but I dont know how to handle it. I cant punish my stepson because it isnt his fault that he is being lied to, but I also cant go after his Father because he is very protective of him. On the other hand, my wife is protective of my stepson...VERY protective. So, if I hurt the boy in any way then I get flack from EVERY ANGLE....Im just frustrated and dont know what to do.
You're living what would be a step-parent's worst situation to me! I feel for you and hope it all turns out okay.
 

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I know this won't be a popular answer, but those people who came to your house to interview you are the very people you should turn to for help. First of all, if you follow their plan you are unlikely to end up in said stressful situation again. Second of all, it will save all of you a lot of trouble down the road. There is probably a THIRD person/mentor that your stepson can be involved with who can spend some time with him and get him the perspective he needs.

Obviously he is stressed, and very bright, and manipulative and creative.

I have to admire a kid who is really hurting and who will do everything and anything they can to try to stop the hurt. What he did is good...the alternative is holding it inside and having all kinds of problems, including turning to things like huffing or even suicide attempts or stealing cars or well, getting the kitchen knife out while you sleep. Never say never.

But this kid needs help. I would say that CPS has seen it all and they will be able to make the right referrals. The good thing is they will also be able to document everything and probably it will all be free. Not sure if your state has a child advocate office but sometimes they can be helpful in talking to the kid and listening to the kid and trying to arrange things so that the kid will have the best of both worlds.

Sorry this is happening to you. Cover your bases. It won't be easy, you'll probably end up having to use vaca time from work, etc. Oh well, comes with the territory of having kids...yours, stepkids, even your kids' friends... the need comes knocking on your door and it doesn't always call in advance to wait to be invited.
 

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Do you interact with the child? Try to do some activities together, things he may enjoy. Get him into therapy but be a positive role model, if you feel like you cannot handle it... avoid him like the plague.
 

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I know this won't be a popular answer, but those people who came to your house to interview you are the very people you should turn to for help. First of all, if you follow their plan you are unlikely to end up in said stressful situation again. Second of all, it will save all of you a lot of trouble down the road. There is probably a THIRD person/mentor that your stepson can be involved with who can spend some time with him and get him the perspective he needs.

Obviously he is stressed, and very bright, and manipulative and creative.

I have to admire a kid who is really hurting and who will do everything and anything they can to try to stop the hurt. What he did is good...the alternative is holding it inside and having all kinds of problems, including turning to things like huffing or even suicide attempts or stealing cars or well, getting the kitchen knife out while you sleep. Never say never.

But this kid needs help. I would say that CPS has seen it all and they will be able to make the right referrals. The good thing is they will also be able to document everything and probably it will all be free. Not sure if your state has a child advocate office but sometimes they can be helpful in talking to the kid and listening to the kid and trying to arrange things so that the kid will have the best of both worlds.

Sorry this is happening to you. Cover your bases. It won't be easy, you'll probably end up having to use vaca time from work, etc. Oh well, comes with the territory of having kids...yours, stepkids, even your kids' friends... the need comes knocking on your door and it doesn't always call in advance to wait to be invited.
:iagree:Yes ask them for all the contacts and help that they can provide for your step son. They will be able to help more but you have to ask.
 

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OP....Benevolence has a great idea, find out what the kid like to do , then go do it. Let him know you are genuinely interested and care about him.
 

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Put in a reservation at the local juvenile detention facility, and the jail, and the State Penn as that is where he is heading if some rules are not established. He's in control, when parents should instead be in control, AND HE KNOWS IT.

If my kid threatened ME with the 'i will sick the cops on you' routine, I would take away everything in life that he likes until he gets the message that he is not 18 yet, the rent is free, and food, and love. If he doesn't like those terms, I don't care.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Ok, so here we are. He just got ungrounded from running away from school. His Mother and I talked aout how to lift the punishment from him running away from school...and lying to us...and his teachers. I stated that I don't have a problem with him getting his electronic toys back, on one condition. He understands WHY he was grounded, and can explain what he did was wrong. (Everytime I try to talk to him about it, he ends up saying "You're making me angry; You're being rude to me") Anyway, so he came home from school and the first question he asked was..."Can I play on the computer?". So, Mommy and I sat him down and she asked him. "Why were you grounded?" "Because I ran away from school." Ok, were on the right path. So she then asks, "Why did you get grounded." "Because I put myself in danger and I could have been hurt." EXCELLENT!!! So, she gives him her phone and as he is walking away he looks at me and says..."I won't do it again because (he said my name) will just ground me again and he is rude to me all the time and he doesn't care if I see my Dad or not." So I tried to stop him, and explain to him that he was the one who ran away from school, ut he kept on walking. So, I turned to my wife and asked her if she heard what he said, she did, and I asked her why she didnt stop him. "Becuase he is ungrounded and I don't want to beat him up about it." So, now my wife is ignoring me, because apparently I wasn't supposed to get upset at my step-son's remark. I don't know what to do about this and I'm actually contemplating just removing myself from the situation so I don't have to deal with it anymore. I'm done with all of this pointless...needless drama...at the hands of an 8 year old with no back-up from the only person that he listens to.
 
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